Hello faithful readers!
I've been thinking a lot about what defines marriage. I think it's on a lot of people's minds these days given the debate over same sex marriage. People who oppose same sex marriage strive to convince us that it undermines "traditional" marriage. But what, exactly, is traditional marriage?
Marriage traditions mean many different things to different people and cultures. This idea of "traditional marriage" is a fairly new one. Marriage has been around a very long time, right back to pair bonding in the stone age. Native Americans practiced it but in very different ways to us. Here is a link to a fantastic article on native American marriage traditions.
http://nativeamericannetroots.net/diary/1084
I found it fascinating in that marriage was kept separate from civil and religious concerns. In the many different types of marriages practiced by native cultures, it was between the people involved and no-one else. Women and men had equal say in who they married. If two people wanted to separate, then they did. Since the whole tribe helped in the rearing of youngsters, such separation of partners didn't seem to have adverse effects on the children.
It's the involvement of government and religion in marriage which forces it to have any definition all. In our country and many others there are civil benefits to being married. Tax breaks and the like. Spouses are given the power the make medical decisions for you, etc. Religion merely brings a ceremony, a solemn occasion in which two people are joined. It isn't even necessary in the context of a civil marriage. So long as you have a legal marriage license, you're married.
Americans like to talk a big talk about having rights, but yet consistently deny rights to others they deem different. Marriage isn't exclusive to the bible or any religious text. So why be so hell bent on preserving a narrow religious definition of marriage?
Maybe the solution would be to take government out of marriage entirely? No? I bet people wouldn't like that, including the same ones who. claim to want less less government in our lives.
My point is, don't be blinded by what defines marriage for two individuals. What it really comes down to is that everyone deserves to be treated equally. We expect to be and so should they. What does marriage mean to you?
Tuesday, August 26, 2014
Tuesday, August 19, 2014
Why we hurt...
Hello faithful readers!
Those of you who follow me on Facebook probably saw my post yesterday. I was angry and a little hurt by a family member who ended up unfriending me because she found me 'annoying'. Mainly she didn't like that I disagreed with her about something. (The ALS Icebucket challenge) My comments were light-hearted and teasing but when she basically alluded to the fact that she found me dumb for finding something funny I defended myself. Like I said in a post a while back, I won't lay down and take people's crap. If you attack me, I'll defend myself, period. That's when she got mad and sent me a private message telling me how annoying I was and no wonder her younger sister had deleted me too.
I enlightened her to the fact that her sister hadn't deleted me, I'd deleted her. Because I was attacked on her page as well, for giving well meaning advice that she didn't like the sound of. When one asks for advice in a public forum, you may well get advice you don't like. There is never any reason to mean or rude, you can simply thank the person and move on, or tell them that the advice won't work for you, sorry. At least that's how I'd handle it, since I was raised to have manners.
I hold no illusions that this girl cares anything about me. She's probably glad I won't be popping up in her newsfeed anymore, though I do hope her oldest sister remains my friend, I have no issues with her whatsoever, but I know that sometimes a spat with one family member can have repercussions on other relationships as well.
I'm not naive enough to believe that everyone will share the same views as me, and I'm okay with that too. If you are polite and respectful to me, then I will show you that same courtesy. It's pretty simple and I'm probably one of the easiest people on the planet to get a long with. I can usually find something I like or some redeeming quality in everyone.
I had a chat via text with another family member last night that did indeed leave me feeling better about the incident. Family is important to me, and I've used Facebook as a tool to reconnect with family I didn't feel close to when I was younger and painfully shy. I guess I'm idealistic and optimistic, in thinking that everyone would be as happy to reconnect with me as I was with them. Also a little naive I suppose. I haven't lived in Pennsylvania for nearly 13 years. People grow up, change, have their lives happen to them.
But I got to thinking last night about why two young women would be so angry and bitter all the time. It was highly obvious in most of the memes and things that they posted on Facebook. Most of which I just ignored because I didn't want to perpetuate and approve of drama.
These young ladies can't have had an easy life. Some of it we have in common, having parents that are alcoholics. Their Mom was always very good to me, but is an abrasive woman, who carries around her own fair share of anger at the hands life has dealt to her. People whose lives have been filled with so much hurt and abuse tend to hurt and abuse others without any thought as to the consequences of their actions. It's sad really. Idealist people like me try to see the good in everyone, but there comes a time when you can only take so much and you just have to sever ties and move on. And trust me, that doesn't take me as long to do as it used to. I used to take it, and take it and take it from people before I got fed up and moved on. Now, I do it a whole lot quicker. There is no reason to cause myself anguish over someone who can't see past their own hurt and anger and who lashes out at other people with only the slightest of provocation.
I know not everyone I come across in life will like me. I like to think I'm a pretty likable person, but some people seem to take issue with me and that's ok. I try to quickly identify those and get them out of my life or get out of their life before problems come up. But again, with family, I tried a little harder to make it work. Because I've always believed that your family should have your back and you should have theirs. Well, let me tell you, LESSON LEARNED! It's not always the case and it's one thing that I'm going to try and watch for in the future.
I'm what my friend Alison calls a 'feeler'. I feel emotions and things strongly and can be easily hurt. I don't have a thick skin and in some ways I'm really glad about that. I know my husband also likes that about me. That I'm open and trusting. But it can also lead to me being easily hurt. That's why most of the time I tend to avoid confrontation unless I feel strongly about something. Such as how much good that silly ice bucket challenge is doing for the organization trying to fight ALS.
So yeah, I just had to get all this off my chest one last time. Writing helps me to purge the ugly thoughts that can threaten to drown me when something like this happens. You'll notice, that unlike what some people might do, I try very hard to keep the identity of those people involved with this a secret. I don't name names. Only someone who knows the situation or knows these people well will know whom I am speaking of. A few family members 'might' figure it out. While I do want to put my feelings about this incident out there for my own peace of mind and mental well being, I don't have any wish to publicly humiliate or anger someone else, as that is not the type of person that I am. I talk about these experiences because I know that they happen to others too, and may leave those people feeling confused and hurt and angry as I felt yesterday.
If for some reason someone does show this post to the young ladies involved, I forgive you, I'm praying for you and I hope that life is better for you in the future. That you can let go of the things that make you so angry, break down your walls and accept different people into your life that can bring you a fresh perspective. If you ever want to reconnect, I'm here. If not, and this just makes you more angry, well, I can't take responsibility for your emotions, and I won't try to.
Thanks for listening. Even if no one ever reads this, typing it out makes me feel a lot better.
Dawn
Those of you who follow me on Facebook probably saw my post yesterday. I was angry and a little hurt by a family member who ended up unfriending me because she found me 'annoying'. Mainly she didn't like that I disagreed with her about something. (The ALS Icebucket challenge) My comments were light-hearted and teasing but when she basically alluded to the fact that she found me dumb for finding something funny I defended myself. Like I said in a post a while back, I won't lay down and take people's crap. If you attack me, I'll defend myself, period. That's when she got mad and sent me a private message telling me how annoying I was and no wonder her younger sister had deleted me too.
I enlightened her to the fact that her sister hadn't deleted me, I'd deleted her. Because I was attacked on her page as well, for giving well meaning advice that she didn't like the sound of. When one asks for advice in a public forum, you may well get advice you don't like. There is never any reason to mean or rude, you can simply thank the person and move on, or tell them that the advice won't work for you, sorry. At least that's how I'd handle it, since I was raised to have manners.
I hold no illusions that this girl cares anything about me. She's probably glad I won't be popping up in her newsfeed anymore, though I do hope her oldest sister remains my friend, I have no issues with her whatsoever, but I know that sometimes a spat with one family member can have repercussions on other relationships as well.
I'm not naive enough to believe that everyone will share the same views as me, and I'm okay with that too. If you are polite and respectful to me, then I will show you that same courtesy. It's pretty simple and I'm probably one of the easiest people on the planet to get a long with. I can usually find something I like or some redeeming quality in everyone.
But I got to thinking last night about why two young women would be so angry and bitter all the time. It was highly obvious in most of the memes and things that they posted on Facebook. Most of which I just ignored because I didn't want to perpetuate and approve of drama.
These young ladies can't have had an easy life. Some of it we have in common, having parents that are alcoholics. Their Mom was always very good to me, but is an abrasive woman, who carries around her own fair share of anger at the hands life has dealt to her. People whose lives have been filled with so much hurt and abuse tend to hurt and abuse others without any thought as to the consequences of their actions. It's sad really. Idealist people like me try to see the good in everyone, but there comes a time when you can only take so much and you just have to sever ties and move on. And trust me, that doesn't take me as long to do as it used to. I used to take it, and take it and take it from people before I got fed up and moved on. Now, I do it a whole lot quicker. There is no reason to cause myself anguish over someone who can't see past their own hurt and anger and who lashes out at other people with only the slightest of provocation.
I know not everyone I come across in life will like me. I like to think I'm a pretty likable person, but some people seem to take issue with me and that's ok. I try to quickly identify those and get them out of my life or get out of their life before problems come up. But again, with family, I tried a little harder to make it work. Because I've always believed that your family should have your back and you should have theirs. Well, let me tell you, LESSON LEARNED! It's not always the case and it's one thing that I'm going to try and watch for in the future.
I'm what my friend Alison calls a 'feeler'. I feel emotions and things strongly and can be easily hurt. I don't have a thick skin and in some ways I'm really glad about that. I know my husband also likes that about me. That I'm open and trusting. But it can also lead to me being easily hurt. That's why most of the time I tend to avoid confrontation unless I feel strongly about something. Such as how much good that silly ice bucket challenge is doing for the organization trying to fight ALS.
So yeah, I just had to get all this off my chest one last time. Writing helps me to purge the ugly thoughts that can threaten to drown me when something like this happens. You'll notice, that unlike what some people might do, I try very hard to keep the identity of those people involved with this a secret. I don't name names. Only someone who knows the situation or knows these people well will know whom I am speaking of. A few family members 'might' figure it out. While I do want to put my feelings about this incident out there for my own peace of mind and mental well being, I don't have any wish to publicly humiliate or anger someone else, as that is not the type of person that I am. I talk about these experiences because I know that they happen to others too, and may leave those people feeling confused and hurt and angry as I felt yesterday.
If for some reason someone does show this post to the young ladies involved, I forgive you, I'm praying for you and I hope that life is better for you in the future. That you can let go of the things that make you so angry, break down your walls and accept different people into your life that can bring you a fresh perspective. If you ever want to reconnect, I'm here. If not, and this just makes you more angry, well, I can't take responsibility for your emotions, and I won't try to.
Thanks for listening. Even if no one ever reads this, typing it out makes me feel a lot better.
Dawn
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)