Phantom disorders...

Hello faithful readers!

I watched an interesting program today. I recorded an episode of 20/20 that dealt with 'strange afflictions'. Things like ARFID otherwise known as Avoidant Restrictive Food Intake Disorder. A disorder in which people eat only small group of foods or even just one food, and can't bear to eat or try to eat anything new or different. Or Hyperacusis, in which everyday noises that we all live with, cars honking, jewelry clinking, dishes knocking together, cause a person with the disorder extreme pain.

One of the things that struck me first was the first two disorders it spoke of that I mention above, are both, to a smaller degree, symptoms people with autism experience. Olivia, my beautiful step-daughter is very sensitive to foods. She has a small pool of foods she will eat, and this sometimes becomes even smaller as she sometimes goes 'off' certain foods. Other times, I might accidentally cook something wrong, and the association of unpleasantness is so much for her that even if I cook it right the next time, she'll never eat it again.

There was a time, before Olivia became a part of my life, when I was a bit judgmental of picky eaters. My older step-sister is a very picky eater and it drove me crazy. It wasn't until I encountered autism on such a close level that I began to realize that it isn't about being stubborn. It's a serious and in some cases debilitating inability to handle the taste, and in more cases the texture of certain foods. People with autism simply 'feel' things differently to you and I.

The other thing that struck me was the folks with hyperacusis, or super sensitive hearing. My husband has very sensitive hearing as a result of being on the autism spectrum. The woman in the segment said one doctor actually suggested she undergo psychological treatment because it was likely 'all in her head'. Her husband also has the disorder and they met through an online group for people with the disorder. Both had normal hearing initially but it seems that it can be triggered by damage from being around loud noises for long periods of time, though doctors aren't 100% certain what causes it at this point.

My whole point in explaining all that, is this. Why is so hard for people to accept that things like these phantom disorders exist? I call them phantom disorders because on the outside people with them seem typical. There is no visual or outward physical signs that something is different. So for years, though it is getting slightly better, people were thought to just be 'making it all up'.

The human brain is the most complex organ that exists. Scientists still have a fairly limited understanding of it's workings and capabilities. So it stands to reason that they have no idea what the brain is truly capable of, and in what myriad ways it can be impaired. While it is so much better now, at least people with these types of disorders are no longer institutionalized, There still needs to be so much more understanding regarding mental illness and illnesses that are simply 'invisible'. I realize that there are still people out there they may try to make things up, make themselves seem ill even though they aren't actually. People that are just good actors. And they make it much harder for people that have real issues.

My hope is that someday people will be educated enough and have enough compassion and understanding (and that includes doctors) to take a deeper look when someone says that something is wrong. Just because you've never heard of it before, doesn't make it any less real for the person experiencing it.

Thanks,

Dawn

Facebook....

Hello faithful readers! 

So, I have a little rant (what else is new?) and this time it's about people that I've come into contact with on Facebook. I will admit, I've become pretty bold when it comes to my comments on Facebook. I'm no longer afraid to speak my mind and say what I believe. I am not afraid to stick up for myself or for those that I love. If people don't like it, they are more than welcome to 'unfriend' me. 

The majority of my friends on Facebook are either people I know in real life or family. People I've gone to school with, worked with, etc. I know, full well, that my views are somewhat radical compared to most people I know. I'm a socialist (and if you really don't understand the true meaning of that, please look it up). I won't get into that in this post, it's a post for another day. But suffice it to say, I don't know many other people, besides my husband, who believe as I do. I accept that, though I still stick up for my own views whenever I feel it's warranted. 

It no longer bothers me when people unfriend me, but I do want to say that in some cases, I find it childish and silly. The other day a friend of mine posted something political, by prefacing it with the fact that she rarely does so. Then she blamed the president for the high efficiency light bulbs we now have to use. I will admit that it's been an adjustment for me to get used to these light bulbs, I don't like them, but life goes on. But after her comment I did some research and found that the whole light bulb thing started with our previous president, not the current one. Bush signed legislation in 2007, before Obama was elected in 2008, that we had to switch to more efficient light bulbs. I just get annoyed when people mistakenly blame Obama for things he didn't do. I was polite. I just pointed it out in a non-aggressive comment. A few hours later, I went looking to see if anyone else had commented, only to find that I'd been unfriended. So someone, who I toiled next to three years in a row on her passion project for our church community, unfriended me on Facebook  over ONE little comment where I pointed out she was wrong. Really? How absurd is that? How insecure are you in yourself that you just cut off someone in that manner over one little comment? 

Many months ago, a relative of mine unfriended me over a rather vitriolic discussion she got into with my husband and I on my Facebook over our views on welfare. Her running theme throughout the whole thing was her selfish view that only her family mattered to her and she didn't give a damn about anyone else. It was pretty much her only argument. That and her, very wrong, perception that the poor are all lazy and deserve what they get. That they're all drug addicts and single mothers popping out babies left and right. That it's OK for them to accept charity from churches, etc but not from the government because she doesn't want her hard earned money to go to these lazy people who don't deserve it. You get the gist. I was slightly hurt at first. I always thought that family bonds should supersede those sorts of things. I'm not naive enough to think that most, if anyone, in my family would believe the way I do. (though I've learned I've got more in common with some of them than I ever knew, and that is great) but my views regarding family have always been, "I may not agree with you, but I love you because you're my family and I can put aside what we don't agree about and get along." 

But this person obviously doesn't care about that. I recently came into contact with her through another family members Facebook page, and she was her usual, hateful, vitriolic self. I will not back down and allow her to walk all over me, that is for certain, and I didn't. I stood up for myself like I always do. She made the comment that she and I are very different. We might as well live on different planets and don't speak the same language. Yes, that is pretty obvious. But again, I would be willing to put that aside in a face to face family situation. (The likelihood of me ever laying eyes on her is exceedingly slim) but I have a strong feeling that would not be her view. She'd probably act as if I didn't exist. 

You know the funny thing is, that when I was younger, I actually really liked her and her husband. I was very shy back then and at the time I thought most of my family ignored me. I realize now it was likely because I was shy and awkward and they may have felt I was aloof or stand-offish and so let me be. But this relative and her husband always made a point to talk to me and make me feel welcome. I babysat their kids and spent time with them. I felt closer to them than I did most people on that side of my family. Now, it's entirely the opposite of that. I've reconnected with most of my family through Facebook and have been having a wonderful time getting to know them in ways I couldn't when I was younger. Whereas in the case of this person, she seemingly can't stand a single word that comes out of my mouth. 

You know what? I'm okay with that. I really am. I don't have time in my life for people who can't see past the end of their own nose and just get along. Unless you get confrontational with me, then I am more than happy to get along with you, even if we disagree on an epic level about most things. I can talk about kids, and jobs and sports and any manner of neutral topic you want. But if you decide to call me out on something 'controversial', whether that be politics, religion, homosexuality, etc, be prepared for me to not lay down and take a beating. I have had enough of that in my life. I was silent for far too long, and I'll be damned if I'm going to be silent anymore. A good friend of mine who passed away last year, and whose birthday was yesterday, taught me that you have to stand up for what you believe in. And I honor her memory by doing so. She had a bumper sticker on her car that said, "Well behaved women seldom make history." That stuck with me. 

And don't get me wrong. This relative may be totally wrong in her views, but I respect her for defending them. Just the way that I do mine. She just gets so insanely angry that she can't carry on a civilized discussion about those views. She just tries to stomp all over you with the same argument, over, and over and over again. It's really kind of funny. 

So I won't cry over people who decide they don't want me in their life. I have so many people who love me and want me to be a part of their life that its really easy for me to say goodbye to the ones that just can't be bothered. I can't make everyone like me, and it took me a long time to realize that. Now that I do, it's so amazingly liberating. It frees me to simply 'be' the person I feel that God has called me to be. 

So if you can have a civilized discussion about things we disagree on, feel free to comment on anything I post. If not, go right ahead and unfriend me. I can guarantee you, I won't miss you anymore than you'll miss me. I will not ever be someones doormat again. 

Dawn