Tonight I made history...

Okay! Hello my sunny followers, or follower, as the case may be!

I'm sorry for that mopey, miserable, feeling sorry for myself blog post I did recently! Lordy me who was on the pity train that day?!? I was!! Sometimes it's really hard, when you get off track, to focus on what you've already succeeded. You lose sight of what you've already done, because the seemingly insurmountable is there before you.

I've lost 43 pounds at last count. That means I have a little over 60 to go till I reach my initial goal weight. I say initial goal weight because I've set what I believe to be a realistic goal of losing 104.6 pounds. I weighed in, on May 5th 2010 at 274.6 pounds. That is the heaviest I've ever been, except when I was pregnant with my son and that doesn't count cause it was mostly fluid and him, he was a big baby!! So I've set the goal to be 170 pounds. At that point, I will evaluate how I'm doing and how much extra fat I'm carrying as opposed to how much muscle I've gained and see if I need to lose anymore. According to the BMI scale I should be 130 but seriously?! I don't WANT to be that weight! And getting there and keeping myself there would be a nightmare. What I want is a mostly flat tummy, a bottom I can be proud of in jeans, and to feel fit and healthy so I can run around and play with my kids without getting exhausted. I want to be able to wear fashionable clothes and high heel shoes. Some of those are silly dreams maybe, but they're mine.

So tonight was the big night, premiere of the best show on earth, The Biggest Loser!! I've watched it for years, and for years, like many of the actual contestants I did so while eating Burger King and McDonald's and ice cream and cake. But something in season nine just 'clicked' for me. One particular episode had a big impact on me and it was that next day, May 5th 2010 that I began this journey. I began eating healthy and exercising. And weight began coming off.

I've had a rough couple of weeks, well, a rough several weeks. But I'm starting to turn it around and get back on track. No more feeling sorry for myself and I feel like now that I've got my show I just can't lose. The show is so motivating for me and really makes me feel like I can do it, no matter what.

Tonight's show was so emotional. I don't know if I like what they did this year. They went to seven cities and 3 people in each city had to take a challenge. Either running a mile, or doing five hundred step ups. The first two to complete it got to go to the biggest loser ranch. The third was eliminated. I was upset that they didn't tell the contestants, it was a surprise at the time. Which is par for the course with the show. It was so hard because each of them had compelling stories and deserved so much for a second chance at life. But seven people had to have their hopes and dreams dashed. A few even collapsed from the physical toll the challenge took on their already taxed, obese bodies. It was heartbreaking and I shed a lot of tears.

After the first couple challenges, I thought to myself, "I haven't worked out yet today." I had a session meeting tonight and usually they run really late. But I got home at a decent time, got the girls to bed and was watching my show. I got to thinking that I wanted to find out how it felt to do five hundred step ups. I looked around the house for something I could use and finally settled on a stack of books. That was, I admit, a little dangerous. They could have slid and toppled me at any time. But I was careful. I wasn't competing against anyone, like the folks on the show. So I took my time, made sure the books stayed lined up and fixed them when I needed to, and just took it one step at a time. It took me a while, I didn't watch the time so I'm not sure. But the numbers I counted got bigger and bigger, till 500 was only 50 away. I felt this huge smile break out on my face as I continued to step. 451...452...453...and so on. When I reached 500, I surprised myself. I burst into tears and cried like baby. :) *looks sheepish* And did so a few times afterward as I sat on the couch watching the rest and drinking ice cold water. It just felt so...liberating! Amazing! and just damn good!! I would not have been able to do that five months ago. The changes that have happened to me in that time are just astonishing!

So the good news about The Biggest Loser is that the eliminated contestants will get a second chance at some point. Which is really good news. It broke my heart to see their sadness and tears. But I know something now that I didn't know a while back. I know, that it CAN be done at home. That with hard work and perseverance you can overcome anything. It isn't easy, and never will be. There will be times when you stumble and fall and feel like you don't want to get up. But YOU CAN!!! You can get up and keep going even when you think you've given everything you had left!

I feel so proud of my 500 steps. I feel so...it's hard to even put it into words! I feel like I want to do it again, every night! Well, maybe not every night, but it's something I'd like to add to my work out plan. I don't really have much of a plan but I have a variety of resources so I don't get bored with any one thing :)

A goal I've set for myself during this Biggest Loser season is that I plan to do some sort of workout while watching the show. Whether that be using my weights, doing cardio that I make up on the spot, stepping, whatever. I plan to spend at least half of each two hour episode working out. I think that's the sort of thing that would make Bob and Jillian smile :)

BTW, I did have an ice cream tonight, a 90 calorie, weight watchers ice cream bar ;) hehe!!

Well folks, I'm off to bed, but that is your sunrise commentary for this evening, have a good night :)