What is Virginity?

Otherwise known as The Definition of Virginity in the Context of Patriarchal Societal Norms.

Okay, okay. I figured the original title would catch your attention better, was I right? Of course I was. So I know what you must be thinking. Dawn. You're 38 years old. If you don't understand the concept of virginity at your age, then I think we need to have a talk, right?

Wrong.

A conversation with a friend last night got me to thinking about the definition of virginity in our society. See, most people think of a virgin as someone who hasn't had sex. That's the definition right? According to dictionary.com the definition is specifically 'A person who has never had sexual intercourse.'

My friend is a lesbian and at 26 years old she feels that she is, by societies definition, a virgin because she has never engaged in penetrative sex. Either with a man or a woman. She has certainly had sexual experiences with women, but has never experienced penetration. So by societies hetero-normative definition, that makes her a virgin. But does it?

You see, I feel that the current definition of what a virgin is is outdated and doesn't take into account the different types of relationships that now exist in today's society. (Well, they've always existed, they're simply now more accepted and mainstream.)

For example: Say you have two lesbian women. They've never had sex with  men, and choose not to engage in penetration with each other, since it isn't necessary for a woman to achieve sexual pleasure. They have a very active and healthy sex life with one another. Are they virgins? Society says they are because they haven't engaged in official sexual intercourse. They haven't 'done the deed' so to speak. I say no, they are not virgins. They are experienced at sexually pleasing one another. They have achieved orgasm with the help of another human being. They've had sex, just not the most common type of sex we're all used to. And that's OK.

The same can be said for gay men. Not all gay men choose to engage in anal penetration. They can still pleasure their partners and bring them orgasm and have healthy, loving sexual relationships without penetration of any kind. But according to society, since they aren't sticking tab A into slot B it doesn't count.

I think if you are heterosexual then yes, societies definition of what a virgin is can apply to you. But for same sex relationships we need to change our thinking and it certainly isn't right to laugh at a person because their definition of sex is different than yours. We shouldn't negate healthy sex lives simply because that sex doesn't line up with what we or you understand as a society.

All sorts of definitions are changing. Gender, sexuality.

I think virginity should too.

Thanks for reading,

Dawn

The world of Walmart

Hello faithful readers!

So I haven't posted much about it, but over the last few months I started working again. Lots of medical bills this year necessitated me heading back to work. The job that had the best fit for us right now based on hours turned out to be Walmart.

I've known a few people who worked at Walmart over the years, including my ex while we were married. I will say that I have heard some unpleasant things about working there. So I went into it expecting that I would merely be tolerating the job for as long as I had to do it. What I didn't expect was that I'd really enjoy it...

Yep, you heard me right. I actually like working at Walmart. I spend the majority of my shift chatting and laughing with customers as I check out their groceries. Not everyone of course. Some people just aren't talkative, some don't speak good English and some can be downright mean at times. But I would say that the majority of people are really nice and are happy to just have a chat.

I've had the occasional technical difficulty caused either by the computer or by myself making a mistake, that have inconvenienced customers. Most of the people handled those situations with grace and humor and a few handled it with belligerence and rudeness.

I've seen beautiful acts of kindness. When a person whose order I'd completed didn't have enough money to cover the expense and people in line checked their purses and pockets to contribute. I've had that sort of thing happen several times. Another time a young woman was using a voucher for diapers but didn't have the money on her to cover the overage. She had it in her car so I canceled the transaction so I could help other customers while she ran out to get it. But the people in line behind her turned out to be regular customers of hers at McDonald's where she'd worked before having her baby. When the man saw she needed the diapers, he paid for the whole box. So she was able to save the voucher to use another time. They commented on how she always took such good care of them and so this was their baby present to her.

I like the managers I work with and many of the people as well. No, they aren't perfect and there are definitely a few oddballs, but that makes it interesting.

The job is a bit hard on me physically. I've had problems with pain in my ankles for years, which are fine when I stay off my feet most of the time. But standing and walking for a full shift is rough though I'm getting used to it. The pain isn't more than I can tolerate so I just work through it. If it weren't for that it would seriously be a breeze. The job itself is easy. Scan and bag, scan and bag. Sometimes add money to a card or cash a check.

Some interactions with customers have been odd to say the least. One of our ways of keeping shrink (theft) down is by keeping certain products under lock and key. Obviously electronics is a no brainer there, but we do it with perfumes as well. When a manager gets a perfume or cologne out for a customer they take it and give it directly to the cashier where the person will be checking out. One customer had a huge problem with this recently and complained at me the entire time I was doing their order. He also didn't like our habit of checking peoples receipts as they went out the door when they have items in their cart that aren't bagged, such as large boxes of pop or other big items. He felt it was unconstitutional to presume him guilty with no evidence. I told him that a lot of bad people have unfortunately made it necessary for us to do these things but he just felt it was a bad policy. So we're just supposed to let people walk out with our stuff without paying for it? So we don't offend them? He told me as he walked away that I'd done a good job which was weird.

While Walmart is far from perfect (as a customer I still get angry when items I buy regularly are out of stock or they suddenly stop carrying certain products) it's really not as bad as you think. I'm sure different stores have different faults and staff can make a difference too. But as far as our Walmart is concerned, it's actually pretty good. I feel like they try really hard to make the customer a priority and that as employees we're treated fairly and well.

So that's a little bit about my Walmart experience. Who would have thought, huh? :)

Dawn

Wow, RUDE!!!

Hello faithful readers!

OMG!! I started watching a new show on TLC tonight called My Giant Life. It's about a number of women who all are over 6'6" in height. One a teenager that is 6'9". I'll admit that I do find people who are different to be fascinating. But there is a place where you simply have to draw the line when it comes to your curiosity.

A glance is one thing, but to stare, point, laugh, take pictures and video without permission. I'm sorry, but that is simply rude and ignorant behavior. The diversity of human life, and looks, is infinite. People come in all shapes and sizes. But because a number of us fall in the 'average' category, people seem to think that gives them license to treat people who are different as less than human.

How would you feel if you put on a new outfit that you really liked, but everywhere you went people pointed and laughed and stared at you. If you saw someone taking your picture and they hadn't asked for your permission. By the end of the day you'd be feeling horrible about the new outfit you loved to start with. How would you feel if that was about something you couldn't change the way you can an outfit?

I just get really bothered at how manners seem to get thrown right out the window with people anymore. Other people are not your personal side show. Have some respect and manners and just let people live their lives!!

Thanks for listening to me rant!

Dawn

We aren't going anywhere...

Oh Lord, here I go again. AGAIN!!

Today I was arguing with people over whether homosexuality is a choice or not. Now, the person I began arguing with, to his credit, claimed to have read many scientific studies on the subject. The authors concluded that it isn't a choice, but don't have concrete evidence to support that. So he concludes that it must, then, be a choice. At least he was open minded enough to consider the possibility. However, his conclusion is completely wrong and no amount of things I said was going to persuade him otherwise.

What pissed me off the most about the conversation was the fact that, while people claim that for LGBT people who we are attracted to is a choice, they don't acknowledge the fact that they cannot control who they are attracted to. I asked the guy, if it's so easy to choose, go see if you can be attracted to a man, I'll wait...

At first he didn't even acknowledge my statement. Then he went on to say that he could lay with a man if he chose, but chooses not to because he finds it disgusting...EXACTLY!! You find the idea of being with someone of the same sex disgusting. Well guess what dude, gay people find the idea of being with someone of the opposite sex disgusting! They can't help it. Some of them wish and pray that they could. You have people out there who openly speak against homosexuality and yet have secret profiles on gay sex sites to satisfy their secret desires that they are combating against because they've been told by society it's wrong.

This statement however, by a person not involved in the original argument made me very angry, though I chose not to say anything because I'd already left the argument:

I am getting tired of the "We were born this way" argument. We were all born with urges and desires that vary from person to person. Acting on those desires and claiming, "I was born this way. I can't help it." is incredibly immature. 
Rational adults learn to conform to societal norms and keep their desires under control. That's why I don't walk into a store and take whatever I want. That's why I don't cheat on my wife. That's why I obey the law. I know the difference between right and wrong. So is having homosexual feelings or desires a choice? Absolutely not! Is acting on those desires a choice? Absolutely! Debate all you want whether homosexual acts are right or wrong, but as far as what is a matter of choice is pretty clear to me. Can you choose a feeling? No. Can you choose an action? Yes. People need to stop navigating life by their feelings like children and start using their brains like adults. 

So this guy, actually admits that it's not a choice, but according to him we should just 'conform to societal norms' and suppress that. We should be miserable and either be celibate or be in a relationship with someone we don't feel attracted to just so we can appear 'normal' WTF?!

I am so tired of people who aren't LGBT telling us how we should feel or act. How would they like it? They are usually also the ones crowing they don't want the government to be involved in their lives then turn around and support legislation that suppresses gay people, like bans on gay marriage.

With people like that, it wouldn't matter if scientists found a 'gay gene' tomorrow. They still wouldn't believe. Despite the fact that whenever you hear the story of a gay person, they talk about knowing they were 'different' from an age when children have no idea what sexuality is. This is coming from people who grew up in a time when being gay wasn't talked about. So if it wasn't talked about, and they had no idea what sexuality was, and they only had straight role models, how did they become gay?

The other thing that made me mad was that I was told my response to finding women attractive was simple lust. That I should simply not choose to act on that lust. (which I don't, because I'm married. But that doesn't negate what I feel) When I did a search for "Lust vs Sexual attraction" I found nothing but Christian articles. Searching just the word lust gave me a more accurate definition:

 Lust is an altered state of consciousness programmed by the primal urge to procreate. --Psychology Today

Hmm, a primal urge to procreate. Well, since I can't procreate with a girl, what then, is it when I'm sexually attracted to her?  To me, what it really comes down to when someone uses that argument, is that equating normal, healthy sexual attraction with lust gives it a negative connotation designed to make you feel ashamed of yourself. It's a way that conservative Christians have used to suppress both gay and straight people into conforming to their idea of what sex should be.

The thing is that sex has been around for a lot longer than religion. Just because someone comes along and says something is wrong, doesn't mean it is. We're entering a time in history when people are refusing to lie down and just accept someone else's ideas of what is wrong.

Of course, when I say things like that I just get accused of being a stupid liberal who has no common sense. There are rules we should follow to have an ordered society. But the thing about my sexuality is, that it doesn't harm you. If I steal from you, that harms you. If I beat you up or kill you, that harms you. If I practice adultery and steal your spouse, I harm you. Being a pedophile harms children. Morally, those things are wrong because they harm another human. Me being attracted to both men and women doesn't harm you. Other friends of mine being attracted to the same sex doesn't harm you. LGBT wanting to have the same rights and benefits of anyone else in society DOESN'T HARM YOU!!

In the end that's what it comes down to. If you want us to stop talking about it and 'keep it in the bedroom' as people have also said to me, then stop marginalizing people. When you want to hold hands with your hetero spouse, you don't get ridiculed and ostracized. It isn't all about sex. It's about being able to love the person you are attracted to in public. To be able to give them a kiss when you see them off at the airport. And for it to just be normal. Because let me tell you, we aren't freaking going anywhere. SO GET USED TO IT!!!

Okay, rant over. I'm sorry I get so angry, but I'm just so tired of it all. It's frigging exhausting.

The Duggar Debacle

Hello faithful readers!

Okay, I know you are probably sick to death of hearing about Josh Duggar and his transgressions, but as a survivor of sexual abuse, I felt compelled to offer my two cents.

I've read up on as much as I could about what he did and what his parents actions were following the abuse. I've also read a ton of peoples comments on it. There seem to be two schools of thought. One group of people are thrilled that he's been exposed as a hypocritical bigot and that his family's show is being pulled from TLC. Many of these are people who've never liked the family to begin with and have always thought their show was stupid. Then you have fans of the show that are all about, "He made a mistake. God has forgiven him, don't punish his family because of what he did, etc."

I used to watch their show when it first came out. While I didn't agree with their religious beliefs, I still liked them and enjoyed watching the things they did. As time went on, however, I became really concerned about their views and the fact that people held them up as moral paragons. Long ago I stopped watching because of their bigoted views toward the LGBT community and I refuse to support those views by adding to their ratings.

I don't really have a problem with people saying he made a mistake. Because, well, he did. He was fourteen and growing up in a household which severely sexually represses their children. They don't even talk to them about sex until they're about to get married. Their access to media is severely restricted. These kids have no real idea about sex and the human body except what their parents read them out of the bible. And what the bible teaches is that sex is this terrible, immoral, horrible thing until you get married. The girls are taught that the wife must be submissive and 'available' to her husband whenever he needs to satisfy his urges. And I won't even start on the philosophy of 'lets try to populate the earth' they've got going on. Though as long as they can afford to care for their children I don't care if they have 50 as far as that is concerned.

But because of the way these kids are raised, things like this are bound to happen. I wasn't at all surprised by it. When you don't teach a young man about his body and hormones and things, then he is going to explore that on his own to the detriment of young girls within his reach.

Now, my molester was someone who was far, far older than me and should have known better. It was a family friend, and only one or two people on this planet know who it was and what he did to me. As a child I was too scared to come forward, and so my abuser has walked free. I've never received counseling for what happened to me, nor do I talk about it much. In fact, I do believe this is the first time I've publicly acknowledged it. It's a part of my life that I have, for the most part, put behind me. But reading stories like this definitely bring it to mind.

I think the thing that is bothering people the most about this whole thing, is 1. How his parents handled things, and 2. The fact that he and his family have painted LGBT people as a threat to children, when Josh Duggar was himself, at one time, a threat to children.

I've seen people commenting that the family got counseling for Josh and his victims. However, I don't believe that is actually true. There has been no mention of what kind of counseling the girls had. And Josh's experience wasn't counseling. They sent him to a family friend who made him do hard work and who was a 'mentor' of sorts. That is most certainly not counseling. He was also given a 'very stern talk' by a State Trooper friend of the Duggars, who is now currently serving time for child pornography. How very interesting that is. The abuse was also covered up for nearly a year before it was ever reported.

All the things the Duggars have been saying in the media are all about poor Josh, and how he regrets what he did, etc. There isn't anything about his victims. Yes, he was young, but so were they. Given the absolute garbage excuse for counseling Josh got, what did the girls get? Probably a few bible verses and a "you'll get over it, that's just how men are."

That is what is getting people so riled up. That it wasn't handled in a proper way and that Josh wasn't punished for it. Not punished in the eyes of the law. Yes he was 14, and he would have gotten a punishment fit for a 14 year old, but he would have been punished. As he should have been.

The other thing is that the family as a whole paints the LGBT community as being a danger to children. That laws allowing transgender people to use their correct bathroom would be putting young girls in danger. All while they covered up their sons deeds and gave him a paltry punishment for what he did.

If his wife wants to stand by him, then fine. Obviously he told her about it. Hopefully she keeps a close eye on their daughters. But I totally agree that their show should be taken off the air. People need to stop acting like these people speak for Jesus because they sure as hell don't. They may do some Christian things, but their beliefs are dangerous and detrimental to people, especially to their own children.

Josh Duggar is proof of that.

Thanks,

Dawn

Christianity and Islam

Okay, I know that this post isn't going to be a very popular one. I know A LOT of people don't agree with me and I'm OK with that. Really I am. But I am tired of being silent and wish to speak on this.

I was disgusted by the comments on the article about Duke University giving in to pressure and rescinding it's plan to broadcast a Muslim call to prayer from it's bell tower. I understand why Duke gave in, they depend on donations to run and not giving in to the donors would have put the whole student body at risk for the sake of a few.

But it still makes me mad.

When 9/11 happened I was just as mad as everyone else in this country. The same with the Boston Marathon bombings. I also get mad when I read or watch things about other terrorist attacks in other countries. I mourn for the children whose lives are lost.

But I am angry that the same attitudes we've been trying to get rid of for years are still prevailing in this country. It all started with the murder, persecution and enslavement of native populations by explorers coming to this country and stealing it for their own. It continued with the enslavement of the African people to provide labor to build this country. It continued on with denying rights to free blacks and to women. It continued with interring Japanese American citizens during WWII. It continues today with the persecution of Homosexual and Transgender people and Muslims.

Yep, I said it. Muslims.

That big, scary word that so many Americans say with contempt and malice and ignorance.

There is no denying what has been done to our country and others by people in the name of Islam. There is no denying that people have perverted that religion to their own ends and used it as a tool of terror and violence throughout the world.

But guess what? So have Christians. For literally thousands of years, Christians did a lot of things that today we shake our fists in anger when we hear about Muslim extremists who do them.

This article will give you a long, though incomplete, list of things that were done to humanity in the name of the Christian religion.

http://www.truthbeknown.com/victims.htm

The main point I'm trying to make with this post is "Don't be the pot calling the kettle black." Just because we are more enlightened now as a religion doesn't mean we were always that way. (And some might argue that we aren't really more enlightened, we're just more sneaky in our persecution methods)  Just because some Muslims do horrible things in the name of their religion doesn't mean all Muslims believe that way.

I, as a Christian, feel in no way threatened by the practice of Islam by my fellow Americans. Good people, who are law abiding citizens, students, business owners, etc. People who merely want to live out life in a safe place, which is why so many people still want to immigrate to America. Because for all it's faults, it's far safer to live here than in many, many other countries in this world.

To me, Duke broadcasting that prayer, is no different than the thousands of churches in America playing Christian hymns on their carillons many times throughout the day. If I was a Buddhist, Hindu, Muslim, Pagan, etc in America I would not feel my religion threatened by those hymns, but rather would enjoy the music.

This doesn't mean I'm not outraged at what terrorists do to destroy lives. They destroy the lives of plenty of their own people, as well as those they view as 'infidels'. But when you get angry at what some people do in the name of Islam, remember that the mass killer  Anders Behring Breivik, who killed 77 people at a summer camp in Norway, did so in part in the name of Christianity. Part of his manifesto urging the return to a Christian Europe and to reinstating the crusades. While modern terrorism in the name of Christianity is more rare now, Christians spent thousands of years perfecting persecution, forgetting how they themselves were persecuted against by the Egyptians and the Romans. And persecution is still alive and well with Christians, the conservative branch are now just more diplomatic about it and use sneaky politics rather than the rack or hangings.

By denying Muslims the freedom to practice their religion in a country where people are supposed to have the right to practice their religion free from persecution, all you are doing is creating a breeding ground for more of them to move to the extremist section of that religion. Why not work together with our fellow Americans to make all people feel welcome, to help them to love America, so they don't want to hurt it or identify with those that do?

Can't you see how counterproductive it all is?

Can't you?

Thanks,

Dawn

Autism moments...

Hello all! 

Sometimes, when you live with autism in your house, it's just such a part of things that you don't notice sometimes. Life with autism is just life to you, and you go on about your day without thinking about how autism affects that day. 

Oh and it does. It affects everything from how you grocery shop (and when) to how you prepare meals and how you plan your day because autism likes to know exactly how the day is going to go. 

Sometimes autism can be stressful. Any parent of an autistic child will understand the story I'm about to tell. It was a story that started out stressful but ended with me and the kids laughing and also with having a really nice moment in the grocery store. 

Picture this, if you will. It's Christmas break and the kids are all off of school. It's also payday, which means I have to go grocery shopping. Normally grocery shopping is something I reserve for while the older children are all at school, or for the weekend, when I take one kid as a helper and leave the rest at home with Dad. One kid is a lot easier to handle in the store than four. But since it was payday and that happened to fall on a Tuesday, I had to take them all. 

This particular shopping trip was made all the more stressful by our daughter Olivia, who is 13 and has autism. Any parent with a kid on the spectrum will get this. Our kids have so few things they can eat because of all the sensory stuff that they deal with. So, with the few foods they do eat, we cling to those like a life raft in a storm. There are always those familiar, comfortable things they'll eat and you know that as long as those things are in the house, there is something the kid will eat. Is it always a healthy something? Oh God no! But it's something! 

Occasionally an autistic child, for no reason that they can explain, will 'go off' a certain food. They'll literally eat the same thing every day for two years and then all of a sudden, poof, they don't want it anymore. It's like you're trying to feed them earthworms all of a sudden! 

Well, Olivia didn't just go off one food. It was several things. Suddenly she didn't want pasta anymore, or honey bunches of oats cereal, or Greek yogurt. The Greek yogurt was the most distressing. It's one of the few sources of protein she'll eat because she doesn't really eat meat. She eats cheese but only when she's at school, I can't get her to eat it at home. 

So, since we were all at the store together, I was trying to quiz her about things she would eat. This is stressful for her, in addition to being in a loud and colorful grocery store full of all kinds of sensory overload. She did eventually decide to have toaster strudel again, which she'd stopped eating several months before. But I was dying to get her to have Greek yogurt again. So we went over to the rather extensive yogurt selection. As I was quizzing her, there was a young stockman nearby working at the shelves. 

It turns out Olivia hadn't completely gone off the yogurt, the flavor I'd bought was what was causing problems. I had accidentally bought the kind with fruit on the bottom. *facepalm* Doh!! Of course, Olivia has trouble communicating that, so instead of telling me, Mom, you bought the wrong flavor, she went into meltdown mode every time the subject of the yogurt came up at home. 

So as we're working out which flavor to get, the young stockman asked if he could do anything to help. For some reason, and I still don't know what made me say it, I replied, "No thank you, we're just having an autism moment here, but we're all good." I went absolutely red in the face after I said it. I mean, what in God's name caused that to just fall out of my mouth? 

However, the stockman looked at me and said, "I have autism too. I understand." He then proceeded to show me different flavors, checked the ones in my cart to make sure the expiration dates were correct (he'd been throwing out old product) and recommended flavors he likes. After we finished I made sure to thank him profusely and we went on our way. 

My face was still rather red but the kids and I were laughing and joking as we finished up our shopping. Suddenly I was very glad I mentioned autism, and that that young man was able to help us. Stocking shelves is a good job for someone on the spectrum. With their attention to detail you can bet that not one out of date yogurt will get missed on that shelf! And it was just really great to talk to someone else who understood what I was dealing with at that moment, because he lives it himself. 

Obviously, since my husband is on the spectrum too, I have him to talk to about it. It helps with Olivia. Since she is also my step-daughter, so I didn't birth her or have the opportunity to help raise her till they immigrated here nearly 3 years ago. So he helps me learn, not only about Olivia as a person, but about her from the point of view of being on the spectrum. As a neurotypical, I need that help desperately. 

But when my husband isn't there and we're out in the world, it can feel like a lonely place. I know there are a lot of families out there dealing with autism, but they aren't always obvious and I don't know any that live locally to me. People in the world that don't have direct experience with autism just don't understand. So it's nice to accidentally run into someone who does. 

I've not posted about autism much on this blog. I suppose I should start a separate blog for it, my husband has encouraged me to do so. Perhaps I will :) 

Thanks for listening, 

Dawn 

Not Broken

Hello all!

Unsurprisingly, I'm writing about gender and sexuality issues, yet again. I usually seem to write when I'm angry and damnit, I'm angry again. Angry that another transgender youth has taken their life because their parents decided they loved religious doctrine more than they loved their child. Would the parent see it that way? No, of course not. They see it as the ultimate act of love, to 'fix' their broken child. A child that the church has told them is an abomination. Well, guess what?

YOUR CHILD ISN'T BROKEN!

I'm angry because things like this cause me to question my faith. I spent a large part of my late teens/early twenties doing that. I thought I was finished, that I had found my faith path and could follow it eagerly. But now, I tread more gingerly. I'm hesitant, because I see a faith filled with too much hate and people following rules that existed in a culture far removed from our own. Rules that they pick and choose from which to follow. They say that God says homosexuality is an abomination while eating shrimp, getting tattoos, and wearing clothing of mixed fiber (which God also said was an abomination).

I see people rejecting science because it simply doesn't match up with what their preacher told them. Despite all the evidence that exists they refer to a 2000 year old book on how life should be.

Science makes it all very simple, as far as I can tell. To me, it's simple logic. These same people can accept those born with down syndrome, or autism, or any number of things that change a human brain from being 'typical'. But they can't accept the idea that a male can be born with a female brain and vice versa? Science has proven that male and female brains work, look and behave very differently. Here is a good article from WebMD on the subject.

http://www.webmd.com/balance/features/how-male-female-brains-differ

When seen through ultrasound and other testing apparatus, male and female brains react differently to stimuli. They are made up of different proportions of gray matter and white matter. This isn't coincidence. I would love to see a study done on the brains of male and female transgender persons. I would not be at all surprised to see that a man who wishes to transition to a woman has a brain that appears more as a female brain, and the same for a woman who feels that they are male. When you can accept other things that happen to change the brain and body in utero, why can't you accept that these same mechanisms can cause homosexuality and gender identity issues?

I'm tired of hearing how parents reject their children and cause those children such unimaginable pain and confusion that that child sees the only way to get away from that is to kill themselves. NO child should have to go through that.

I'm very vocal, when out in the world. When I was Christmas shopping and looking at puzzle glue for Lilli a woman commented to me that I'd be better off going to Hobby Lobby and buying modpodge cause it worked better. I told her I don't shop at Hobby Lobby because I don't agree with their principles. When a nurse commented about her nephew liking theater and musicals but then said, "He's not gay, there's nothing wrong with him," I'm pointedly told her that if my son were gay I wouldn't see it as something being wrong with him.

When are our youth, the future of our world, going to stop being pushed into little boxes that stunt who they are and what they can accomplish?

If my son ever comes to me and tells me he's transgender then I'll take him to the store and buy him a dress and heels and makeup. I'll teach him how to put it on and how to do his hair. I'll let him change his name and tell his sisters that they have another sister. I love the little boy that he is now and I'll love him, encourage him and teach him whether he remains a boy or becomes a girl. The same with any of my children.

And I will continue to be vocal about tolerance, acceptance, and equality. I'll continue to speak out against injustice when I see it. Will I ever make a difference? I don't know. But I know that I never will if I just stand by and let these sorts of things happen without saying something. I hope I made that nurse think that day. I hope that woman in walmart maybe thinks twice before she shops at Hobby Lobby again.

But I WILL NOT stay quiet. Leelah needs us to not stay quiet. Kids that take their lives because of bullying need us to not stay quiet. Special needs kids need us to not stay quiet. So damnit, DON'T STAY QUIET! Shout and scream and kick up a fuss. Let them know we're angry.

BECAUSE WE ARE!!!!

It's NEVER OK!

Hi all!

I know it's been a while since I've written but I read something this morning that just really ticked me off and I had to write about it. One of my friends either shared or liked a post that led to a blog post about a child with Down's syndrome. Now, anyone who knows me knows that I have a brother who is severely mentally disabled. I grew up around other disabled kids due to various programs my brother was involved in. I remember going to a group he attended at a local catholic church. I really enjoyed interacting with those kids and I believe that doing so at a young age helped make me a more compassionate and understanding person where people with disabilities are concerned.

This particular blog post was about a horrid, ignorant comment made to a mother with a Down's syndrome 2 year old by a grocery store cashier. The comment is as follows...

“I bet you wish you had known before he came out. You know they have a test for that now…”

WTF!? When is it OK, ever, to say something like that to someone? I mean, really? It's NEVER OK! EVER!!!!

The mother handled it far better than I would have. I would have been livid to the point of tears had it been my child. I would have asked to see the manager after telling the employee what a brainless buffoon they were and would have made sure to let the manager know how ignorant and offensive she was to a customer with a special needs child. Here is a link to the original blogger. Take time to stop by her page and tell her how awesome she is.

http://chroniclesofmommy.wordpress.com/2014/10/05/sometimes-i-forget/

I follow many blogs and Facebook pages in the Autism community and hear about all kinds of ignorance that special needs families have to face daily. One woman, who has a son with autism and some other co-morbid disorders has a service dog for her son to help with his meltdowns from sensory overload and also to alert them if he chokes because he has a swallowing disorder. The ignorance and stupidity she deals with when out in public with her son and service dog is astounding. Since when did people lose all respect for others personal space, privacy and lives? When we did stop treating each other like human beings?

Since learning about the functions of service dogs I am very vigilant with my kids when we see someone out and about with one. If they ask to pet the dog I tell them no, the dog is working. You can only pet a service dog if the owner offers first. It's important to let a service dog focus on it's job, for it is a very important one. Once we saw one in the library and the lady overheard me telling the kids this, but she turned out to be a hospital worker who takes this trained service dog to visit patients in hospitals. So she happily let the kids and myself pet the animal. But I made sure to let the kids know that this was not the usual way to be around a service animal, because at that time, the animal wasn't working.

It makes me sad when I see people out who have visible disabilities such as Down's or someone with more severe autism and I smile at them and try to engage but the parent or caregiver doesn't give me the chance to and sort of steers them away from me. It makes me sad because it's the ignorance they face on a day to day basis that causes them to do this to protect their child. So then that child doesn't get to interact with and be treated with respect by those of us who really are only interested in putting a smile on a child's face, ANY child.

I'm just so fed up of ignorance. Of people whose stupidity is so great that garbage falls out every time they open their mouths. When I was little we were taught to be respectful of others. My husband and I teach our children the same. But this whole society seems to be going down the toilet. People just don't care about each other anymore. An ever shrinking minority do, but too many people are the vocal, rude and judgmental sort. And I'm just tired of them.

In the famous words of Rodney King (albeit a condensed catchphrase from his original quote)

"Can't we all just get along?"

Sigh...thanks for reading.

Dawn

What defines marriage?

Hello faithful readers!

I've been thinking a lot about what defines marriage. I think it's on a lot of people's minds these days given the debate over same sex marriage. People who oppose same sex marriage strive to convince us that it undermines "traditional" marriage. But what, exactly, is traditional marriage?

Marriage traditions mean many different things to different people and cultures. This idea of "traditional marriage" is a fairly new one. Marriage has been around a very long time, right back to pair bonding in the stone age. Native Americans practiced it but in very different ways to us. Here is a link to a fantastic article on native American marriage traditions.


http://nativeamericannetroots.net/diary/1084

I found it fascinating in that marriage was kept separate from civil and religious concerns. In the many different types of marriages practiced by native cultures, it was between the people involved and no-one else. Women and men had equal say in who they married. If two people wanted to separate, then they did. Since the whole tribe helped in the rearing of youngsters, such separation of partners didn't seem to have adverse effects on the children.

It's the involvement of government and religion in marriage which forces it to have any definition all. In our country and many others there are civil benefits to being married. Tax breaks and the like. Spouses are given the power the make medical decisions for you, etc. Religion merely brings a ceremony, a solemn occasion in which two people are joined. It isn't even necessary in the context of a civil marriage. So long as you have a legal marriage license, you're married.

Americans like to talk a big talk about having rights, but yet consistently deny rights to others they deem different. Marriage isn't exclusive to the bible or any religious text. So why be so hell bent on preserving a narrow religious definition of marriage?

Maybe the solution would be to take government out of marriage entirely? No? I bet people wouldn't  like that, including the same ones who. claim to want less less government in our lives.

My point is, don't be blinded by what defines marriage for two individuals. What it really comes down to is that everyone deserves to be treated equally. We expect to be and so should they. What does marriage mean to you?

Why we hurt...

Hello faithful readers!

Those of you who follow me on Facebook probably saw my post yesterday. I was angry and a little hurt by a family member who ended up unfriending me because she found me 'annoying'. Mainly she didn't like that I disagreed with her about something. (The ALS Icebucket challenge) My comments were light-hearted and teasing but when she basically alluded to the fact that she found me dumb for finding something funny I defended myself. Like I said in a post a while back, I won't lay down and take people's crap. If you attack me, I'll defend myself, period. That's when she got mad and sent me a private message telling me how annoying I was and no wonder her younger sister had deleted me too.

I enlightened her to the fact that her sister hadn't deleted me, I'd deleted her. Because I was attacked on her page as well, for giving well meaning advice that she didn't like the sound of. When one asks for advice in a public forum, you may well get advice you don't like. There is never any reason to mean or rude, you can simply thank the person and move on, or tell them that the advice won't work for you, sorry. At least that's how I'd handle it, since I was raised to have manners.

 I hold no illusions that this girl cares anything about me. She's probably glad I won't be popping up in her newsfeed anymore, though I do hope her oldest sister remains my friend, I have no issues with her whatsoever, but I know that sometimes a spat with one family member can have repercussions on other relationships as well.

I'm not naive enough to believe that everyone will share the same views as me, and I'm okay with that too. If you are polite and respectful to me, then I will show you that same courtesy. It's pretty simple and I'm probably one of the easiest people on the planet to get a long with. I can usually find something I like or some redeeming quality in everyone.

I had a chat via text with another family member last night that did indeed leave me feeling better about the incident. Family is important to me, and I've used Facebook as a tool to reconnect with family I didn't feel close to when I was younger and painfully shy. I guess I'm idealistic and optimistic, in thinking that everyone would be as happy to reconnect with me as I was with them. Also a little naive I suppose. I haven't lived in Pennsylvania for nearly 13 years. People grow up, change, have their lives happen to them.

But I got to thinking last night about why two young women would be so angry and bitter all the time. It was highly obvious in most of the memes and things that they posted on Facebook. Most of which I just ignored because I didn't want to perpetuate and approve of drama.

These young ladies can't have had an easy life. Some of it we have in common, having parents that are alcoholics. Their Mom was always very good to me, but is an abrasive woman, who carries around her own fair share of anger at the hands life has dealt to her. People whose lives have been filled with so much hurt and abuse tend to hurt and abuse others without any thought as to the consequences of their actions. It's sad really. Idealist people like me try to see the good in everyone, but there comes a time when you can only take so much and  you just have to sever ties and move on. And trust me, that doesn't take me as long to do as it used to. I used to take it, and take it and take it from people before I got fed up and moved on. Now, I do it a whole lot quicker. There is no reason to cause myself anguish over someone who can't see past their own hurt and anger and who lashes out at other people with only the slightest of provocation.

I know not everyone I come across in life will like me. I like to think I'm a pretty likable person, but some people seem to take issue with me and that's ok. I try to quickly identify those and get them out of my life or get out of their life before problems come up. But again, with family, I tried a little harder to make it work. Because I've always believed that your family should have your back and you should have theirs. Well, let me tell you, LESSON LEARNED! It's not always the case and it's one thing that I'm going to try and watch for in the future.

I'm what my friend Alison calls a 'feeler'. I feel emotions and things strongly and can be easily hurt. I don't have a thick skin and in some ways I'm really glad about that. I know my husband also likes that about me. That I'm open and trusting. But it can also lead to me being easily hurt. That's why  most of the time I tend to avoid confrontation unless I feel strongly about something. Such as how much good that silly ice bucket challenge is doing for the organization trying to fight ALS.

So yeah, I just had to get all this off my chest one last time. Writing helps me to purge the ugly thoughts that can threaten to drown me when something like this happens. You'll notice, that unlike what some people might do, I try very hard to keep the identity of those people involved with this a secret. I don't name names. Only someone who knows the situation or knows these people well will know whom I am speaking of. A few family members 'might' figure it out. While I do want to put my feelings about this incident out there for my own peace of mind and mental well being, I don't have any wish to publicly humiliate or anger someone else, as that is not the type of person that I am. I talk about these experiences because I know that they happen to others too, and may leave those people feeling confused and hurt and angry as I felt yesterday.

If for some reason someone does show this post to the young ladies involved, I forgive you, I'm praying for you and I hope that life is better for you in the future. That you can let go of the things that make you so angry, break down your walls and accept different people into your life that can bring you a fresh perspective. If you ever want to reconnect, I'm here. If not, and this just makes you more angry, well, I can't take responsibility for your emotions, and I won't try to.

Thanks for listening. Even if no one ever reads this, typing it out makes me feel a lot better.

Dawn

Who cares?

You know what really aggravates me?

Well, if you don't, I'm going to tell you. People that insist on commenting on news articles stating, "We don't care about this, why is this news?" They seem to have some sort of idea that only the news that interests them is actually 'news'. Everything else is just stupid fluff. And of course, those of us who are interested in things that they don't deem newsworthy are just stupid air heads. That or 'silly liberals' which is one that really gets my goat!

Anyone who knows me, knows that I'm a celeb junkie. Not to the point of being ridiculous about it, and also not to the point of believing everything I read, I'm not stupid. But I enjoy seeing what celebs are up to. From what they are wearing to who is getting married or having babies. I just find it interesting. I like seeing happy stories, I lament when something unfortunate happens to a celeb I like. It's a diversion, and most celebs know that when they become famous, this is what they sign on for. Those that like to keep their lives private generally become very good at doing so, while still remaining in the public eye for their work. So they can usually avoid the nonsense if they don't want to be part of it and I respect that.

But why people seem to selfishly believe that if they don't care about something it shouldn't be 'news' just pisses me off! I'M interested, so back off! Let me just enjoy what I'm reading, and go comment on something that you deem worth your time.

The other thing that bothers me is that they are actually taking time out of their day to comment that they don't care. If they truly didn't care, they wouldn't bother. They'd move on to the things that interest them, instead of trying to ruin it for the rest of us by telling the media they don't want to hear these things. I personally would prefer a well-rounded media that reports on everything, than one that only reports on a few things that some people deem newsworthy. Also, it's nice to see lighthearted stories in my newsfeed, instead of just gloom and doom and misery. Life has enough of that already.

So if you don't care, don't comment. Just go on with your life, read the things you DO care about, and leave my stuff alone!!

*gets off soapbox*

Dawn

Memories...

Hello faithful readers!

Memories can be a powerful thing. I recently wrote a blog about grief, in which a connection of painful memories were brought about by a TV show. Today I'm going to talk about happy memories.

These memories were brought about when a gal I went to high school with posted a pic of she and I from the musical we both performed in. We did The Music Man my senior year of high school. It was honestly one of the most amazing times of my life back then. My home life wasn't always the greatest. Don't get me wrong, it wasn't horrible. I wasn't physically abused, I didn't live in abject poverty. But I did have parents who were alcoholics and drug addicts. That made things tough sometimes. My parents were generally pretty wrapped up in whatever pleasures they sought, and little attention was paid to me and my brothers. This suited me to a degree. I was smart enough to do things for myself and thankfully I was smart enough to keep myself on a good path.

I didn't live near any of my friends though. The closest one was still several miles away, so it's not like I could ride a bike to her house, though I think I did once. So other than talking to them on the phone life could be pretty lonely for me there.

But when it came time for the school musical, I insisted that I get to participate. I had done the play Peter Pan the year before and loved it. My parents didn't want to bother to come and pick me up from school in the evening after practice, and wouldn't take me to practice if I came home from school. So I stayed at school until practice time, then I begged a ride home from someone. Sometimes I had to asked our director to ask for a ride on my behalf because I didn't know a lot of people well enough to ask and I was painfully, awkwardly shy in those days. (I was actually voted shyest in my high school class! People that know me now don't believe unless I show them my year book!) and none of my small circle of friends was in the musical with me. That meant I was at school from about 7:45 in the morning to something like 8 at night or later. I did my homework and ate from the vending machines for my supper. (probably the beginning of some of my bad eating habits!)

For weeks this went on. Because I was there so much, I helped with nearly every aspect of the play. From props to sets to costumes to blocking scenes and helping people rehearse their lines. I had a pretty small part myself. (had I not been so shy during my audition I might have gotten a better part!) But I threw myself into that show with everything I had, because really at the time, it was all I had.

When it came time for our performances it was amazing. The experience of it all still sings in my blood to this day. The very last performance, a Sunday afternoon, I begged my Mom to come. She told me she might, if she could. Then she called me at the school and told me she couldn't make it. What a blow that was. I had worked so hard, poured my heart and soul into this, and she couldn't be bothered enough to come and see me perform. I was beside myself with tears. Friends that I had made during the musical consoled me and helped me get ready and do my makeup.

Amazingly my Mom did make it. During the intermission she appeared and I was again beset with tears of happiness. It meant the world to me that she actually came. I don't remember how she got there, and it doesn't matter now, but I was so glad that she came.

Then, at the end of the show, the cast members took me aside and presented me with a beautiful bouquet of flowers. They had all pitched in and got them to thank me for everything that I'd done for the musical. Again I found myself in tears, as I stood out on the stage holding those beautiful blooms in my arms. It was one of the first times in my life when I felt truly valued by others. Pretty sad when you think that by then I was already 17 years old and had never felt that way before.

I will never forget that experience or the friends that I made during that time. Many of them weren't in my grade, and I've reconnected with a few since then. I hope that anyone that was involved in that musical and if they ever read this understand how much all that meant to me and how it still affects me as a person to this day.

Thank you for being a part of a very defining moment in my life. I will never forget you all.

Dawn

What is grief?

Hello faithful readers!

I found myself last night contemplating grief. Despite the title of this post, I obviously know what grief is, but my question last night to my husband was, "How do you deal with it? What is it you're supposed to do when you 'come to terms' with your grief over something?"

As many may know, my ex and I lost our son when he was a baby. I won't go into the details of how, but he was 8 months old and it was a tragic accident. I also happened to be pregnant with Lilli when Aidan passed away, I had only just found out the week before. A few months after Aidan died, I was at my friend Shannon's house babysitting her boys and saw an episode of the doctor show House. In the episode, a woman has a seizure and drops her baby in the bathtub. At first the baby is OK, but it eventually dies because the mother tries to smother him because she's hearing voices. They aren't able to save him because of a disease both he and his mother have.

Needless to say, of any episode I'd ever seen of the series, this one stuck in my brain. All these years later I still would find myself thinking of it at odd moments. Recently Kevin and I found all 8 seasons of House are now on Netflix and have begun watching it. I started thinking more about that episode, though I didn't know where it appeared in the series, and was dreading it. It came on last night. I became more and more distressed during the episode until Kevin decided we should skip that one.  

I guess I deal with grief differently than others, but for me, I have a really hard time with painful feelings. I tend to lock them up inside me, try to not think about them so much. It's not as if I've forgotten Aidan, I mention him frequently, especially since Rhys was born. But I try to avoid thinking about his actual death, the night that he died. I don't visit his grave, which I'm sure some will find very odd. I have only been to his gravesite a few times in the last 8 or so years. The last time was not long after Kevin arrived here, he went with me. I don't know that I could manage it on my own.

Last night after we had moved onto a different episode of House, my eyes kept straying to the photo album I have of Aidan. I keep on the top of the bookshelf, because it's too huge to fit on the shelf. My best friends Billie (Aidan's Godmother) and Becki made it for me with that whole scrapbooking thing. They had also bought Aidan's tombstone for him. It was a beautiful gesture that I'm still grateful for to this day. After a while I asked Kevin if he could get it down off the shelf for me. I sat looking through it, smiling at the pictures of my little guy. Other than that photo album, and one picture of him in my bedroom, I don't have pictures of him displayed anywhere else in my home.

I still have random flashbacks of scenes and emotions from the night that he died. They'll hit me out of nowhere, like someone just coming up and punching you in the gut. I keep wondering if it will ever get better. Maybe it won't if I don't deal with it all properly, but really, how do you deal with it? Talking about it? Sometimes that's the hardest of all. As close as I am to my husband, I rarely have discussed Aidan with him. When we were first 'dating' over the internet, he asked me if I wanted to talk about Aidan. I told him that I would rather wait till we were physically together before attempting it. Then, when I went to England to see him for the first time, we were lying in bed together and he asked me if I wanted to talk about it. I did, and cried in his arms, harder than I'd cried in a long time. That was only two years after Aidan had passed.

He would have been nine years old this June. I find myself wondering what he would have been like. He was such a docile, quiet, sweet little baby. Always had a smile, and was the best sleeper of all my kids. He also, out of all my kids, was the one that looked the most like me.

I guess I am sort of dealing with it, in my own way. I always tell people that are grieving that they have to do so in their own way and in their own time. I guess I should take that advice. It's just so strange, the things that can bring grief so strongly into the forefront of your mind, as happened to me last night with an old episode of a TV show.  

So I guess there isn't just one answer to my questions. Or any real answer at all. Like I told a friend once, when their child died suddenly at the age of five, and she asked me, "How do you do it?" (this was just a couple years after Aidan had died) and I told her, "One day at a time."

Dawn

Horror stories...

Hello faithful readers!

Hubby and I were out to eat with the kiddos last night (-2, since Kaia and Lilli were at their Dad's.) and we were having a discussion about various folks we know on Facebook and different posts we've gotten involved commenting on.

I recently got into it with a friend of a friend on someones post regarding health insurance. Now, before you roll your eyes, this is not a post detailing the pros and cons of the ACA or anything like that. Some people love it, some hate it, etc. But the person I was talking to in this post, started spouting off what I felt was gross misinformation regarding the NHS in Britain.

Now, not to brag, but thanks to the fact that I'm married to a Brit, and said Brit continued living in England, and both using and working for the NHS for four years of our marriage, and because of him I now have loads of British family that also use the NHS, I feel a little more qualified to speak on the subject than most American's can claim to be.

This person began by calling the ACA 'socialized medicine' which it most certainly is not, but that is a post for another day. They then began bashing the NHS and all countries that have social medicine as having terrible systems, long waits, etc. So I jumped in and corrected her on several points, straight from things my husband himself, and members of his family, experienced. (plus my husband is more acquainted with the inner workings of the NHS than most Brits because he spent nearly 20 years working for them) She then retorted about having lots of friends in both England and Canada who would say otherwise and one that supposedly died after waiting three years for gall bladder surgery and then dying of an infection.

So now to the main point of my post. I titled it 'Horror Stories' for a reason. Because whenever you go to use a particular Dr., hospital, Dentist, etc, or get ready to go through some kind of big life event, like a wedding, birth, etc. people seem to crawl out of the woodwork with 'horror stories' of something terrible that happened either to them, their immediate family, or their cousins, sisters, husbands mother's cousin twice-removed...you get the point. In a lot of cases, this can make the person hearing the story think twice about seeing said Dr or going to said hospital.

Now I'm not going to deny that bad things happen to good people through no fault of their own. It happens, either from honest mistakes made by a company or an employee of a company or from the willful, malicious actions of a dishonest person or company. But having worked in customer service for many years, I  have come to notice something.

Probably 90% of horror stories were either caused by, or made worse by, the person telling the story in the first place.

How many times have you made an honest mistake at work and had to beg the forgiveness of a client or customer only to turn around and be terribly cruel to someone that did the same? The old saying that you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar is a true one. If you are always gracious, even when someone messes up, they will honestly bend over backwards to want to help you about 90% of the time. Granted, there are exceptions, but more often than not, it's true.

Most of the time I go out of my way to be nice to people serving in restaurants, because I used to work in one. Unless someone is deliberately rude to me, in any case. But being nice has gotten me money off a bill, or free product. It pays to be nice and it doesn't cost you a cent.

Kevin told me stories of how people in Britain would be given an appointment for a surgery, like gall bladder surgery, and then say things like "But I wanted to go on Holiday that week." so then they'd have to wait longer. Or, how people wait a long time in Dr offices because 1 out of 3 appointments doesn't turn up. So the office overbooks to compensate, but then some people do turn up and then have to wait. It's because of inconsiderate people, not the organization itself!

If you are rude or escalate a situation with rude behavior, instead of focusing on helping you, the person involved has to focus on defending themselves. That takes their attention off your problem, which is what you don't want.

Sometimes bad things happen because of one person and a whole organization gets a bad rap because of it. I had all my babies at the hospital in Winchester, and had great experiences. But there is one Dr. that I know of who does gall bladder and appendix surgeries and the like who is an incompetent boob. And most of the hospital 'horror stories' I've heard involve him. It's not the hospital, it's the Dr.! So instead of going around bad mouthing the hospital, write a letter to the medical license board to investigate a bad Dr. Then you are at least doing something productive!

The point of this post is this, while 'horror stories' have their uses, please take them all with a grain of salt. Do your own checking into things, your own research. Don't just blindly go off someone else's experience. They might be the only person out of 100 that had a bad experience and it might have even been their own fault!

And yes, the same can be said for people who've had good experiences too. But again, just make up your own mind. Do some research. Talk to people who've had both good and bad experiences. Make an informed decision. Don't just take the word of one person as gospel.

Okay, I'm done ranting now ;)

Thanks,

Dawn

Phantom disorders...

Hello faithful readers!

I watched an interesting program today. I recorded an episode of 20/20 that dealt with 'strange afflictions'. Things like ARFID otherwise known as Avoidant Restrictive Food Intake Disorder. A disorder in which people eat only small group of foods or even just one food, and can't bear to eat or try to eat anything new or different. Or Hyperacusis, in which everyday noises that we all live with, cars honking, jewelry clinking, dishes knocking together, cause a person with the disorder extreme pain.

One of the things that struck me first was the first two disorders it spoke of that I mention above, are both, to a smaller degree, symptoms people with autism experience. Olivia, my beautiful step-daughter is very sensitive to foods. She has a small pool of foods she will eat, and this sometimes becomes even smaller as she sometimes goes 'off' certain foods. Other times, I might accidentally cook something wrong, and the association of unpleasantness is so much for her that even if I cook it right the next time, she'll never eat it again.

There was a time, before Olivia became a part of my life, when I was a bit judgmental of picky eaters. My older step-sister is a very picky eater and it drove me crazy. It wasn't until I encountered autism on such a close level that I began to realize that it isn't about being stubborn. It's a serious and in some cases debilitating inability to handle the taste, and in more cases the texture of certain foods. People with autism simply 'feel' things differently to you and I.

The other thing that struck me was the folks with hyperacusis, or super sensitive hearing. My husband has very sensitive hearing as a result of being on the autism spectrum. The woman in the segment said one doctor actually suggested she undergo psychological treatment because it was likely 'all in her head'. Her husband also has the disorder and they met through an online group for people with the disorder. Both had normal hearing initially but it seems that it can be triggered by damage from being around loud noises for long periods of time, though doctors aren't 100% certain what causes it at this point.

My whole point in explaining all that, is this. Why is so hard for people to accept that things like these phantom disorders exist? I call them phantom disorders because on the outside people with them seem typical. There is no visual or outward physical signs that something is different. So for years, though it is getting slightly better, people were thought to just be 'making it all up'.

The human brain is the most complex organ that exists. Scientists still have a fairly limited understanding of it's workings and capabilities. So it stands to reason that they have no idea what the brain is truly capable of, and in what myriad ways it can be impaired. While it is so much better now, at least people with these types of disorders are no longer institutionalized, There still needs to be so much more understanding regarding mental illness and illnesses that are simply 'invisible'. I realize that there are still people out there they may try to make things up, make themselves seem ill even though they aren't actually. People that are just good actors. And they make it much harder for people that have real issues.

My hope is that someday people will be educated enough and have enough compassion and understanding (and that includes doctors) to take a deeper look when someone says that something is wrong. Just because you've never heard of it before, doesn't make it any less real for the person experiencing it.

Thanks,

Dawn

Facebook....

Hello faithful readers! 

So, I have a little rant (what else is new?) and this time it's about people that I've come into contact with on Facebook. I will admit, I've become pretty bold when it comes to my comments on Facebook. I'm no longer afraid to speak my mind and say what I believe. I am not afraid to stick up for myself or for those that I love. If people don't like it, they are more than welcome to 'unfriend' me. 

The majority of my friends on Facebook are either people I know in real life or family. People I've gone to school with, worked with, etc. I know, full well, that my views are somewhat radical compared to most people I know. I'm a socialist (and if you really don't understand the true meaning of that, please look it up). I won't get into that in this post, it's a post for another day. But suffice it to say, I don't know many other people, besides my husband, who believe as I do. I accept that, though I still stick up for my own views whenever I feel it's warranted. 

It no longer bothers me when people unfriend me, but I do want to say that in some cases, I find it childish and silly. The other day a friend of mine posted something political, by prefacing it with the fact that she rarely does so. Then she blamed the president for the high efficiency light bulbs we now have to use. I will admit that it's been an adjustment for me to get used to these light bulbs, I don't like them, but life goes on. But after her comment I did some research and found that the whole light bulb thing started with our previous president, not the current one. Bush signed legislation in 2007, before Obama was elected in 2008, that we had to switch to more efficient light bulbs. I just get annoyed when people mistakenly blame Obama for things he didn't do. I was polite. I just pointed it out in a non-aggressive comment. A few hours later, I went looking to see if anyone else had commented, only to find that I'd been unfriended. So someone, who I toiled next to three years in a row on her passion project for our church community, unfriended me on Facebook  over ONE little comment where I pointed out she was wrong. Really? How absurd is that? How insecure are you in yourself that you just cut off someone in that manner over one little comment? 

Many months ago, a relative of mine unfriended me over a rather vitriolic discussion she got into with my husband and I on my Facebook over our views on welfare. Her running theme throughout the whole thing was her selfish view that only her family mattered to her and she didn't give a damn about anyone else. It was pretty much her only argument. That and her, very wrong, perception that the poor are all lazy and deserve what they get. That they're all drug addicts and single mothers popping out babies left and right. That it's OK for them to accept charity from churches, etc but not from the government because she doesn't want her hard earned money to go to these lazy people who don't deserve it. You get the gist. I was slightly hurt at first. I always thought that family bonds should supersede those sorts of things. I'm not naive enough to think that most, if anyone, in my family would believe the way I do. (though I've learned I've got more in common with some of them than I ever knew, and that is great) but my views regarding family have always been, "I may not agree with you, but I love you because you're my family and I can put aside what we don't agree about and get along." 

But this person obviously doesn't care about that. I recently came into contact with her through another family members Facebook page, and she was her usual, hateful, vitriolic self. I will not back down and allow her to walk all over me, that is for certain, and I didn't. I stood up for myself like I always do. She made the comment that she and I are very different. We might as well live on different planets and don't speak the same language. Yes, that is pretty obvious. But again, I would be willing to put that aside in a face to face family situation. (The likelihood of me ever laying eyes on her is exceedingly slim) but I have a strong feeling that would not be her view. She'd probably act as if I didn't exist. 

You know the funny thing is, that when I was younger, I actually really liked her and her husband. I was very shy back then and at the time I thought most of my family ignored me. I realize now it was likely because I was shy and awkward and they may have felt I was aloof or stand-offish and so let me be. But this relative and her husband always made a point to talk to me and make me feel welcome. I babysat their kids and spent time with them. I felt closer to them than I did most people on that side of my family. Now, it's entirely the opposite of that. I've reconnected with most of my family through Facebook and have been having a wonderful time getting to know them in ways I couldn't when I was younger. Whereas in the case of this person, she seemingly can't stand a single word that comes out of my mouth. 

You know what? I'm okay with that. I really am. I don't have time in my life for people who can't see past the end of their own nose and just get along. Unless you get confrontational with me, then I am more than happy to get along with you, even if we disagree on an epic level about most things. I can talk about kids, and jobs and sports and any manner of neutral topic you want. But if you decide to call me out on something 'controversial', whether that be politics, religion, homosexuality, etc, be prepared for me to not lay down and take a beating. I have had enough of that in my life. I was silent for far too long, and I'll be damned if I'm going to be silent anymore. A good friend of mine who passed away last year, and whose birthday was yesterday, taught me that you have to stand up for what you believe in. And I honor her memory by doing so. She had a bumper sticker on her car that said, "Well behaved women seldom make history." That stuck with me. 

And don't get me wrong. This relative may be totally wrong in her views, but I respect her for defending them. Just the way that I do mine. She just gets so insanely angry that she can't carry on a civilized discussion about those views. She just tries to stomp all over you with the same argument, over, and over and over again. It's really kind of funny. 

So I won't cry over people who decide they don't want me in their life. I have so many people who love me and want me to be a part of their life that its really easy for me to say goodbye to the ones that just can't be bothered. I can't make everyone like me, and it took me a long time to realize that. Now that I do, it's so amazingly liberating. It frees me to simply 'be' the person I feel that God has called me to be. 

So if you can have a civilized discussion about things we disagree on, feel free to comment on anything I post. If not, go right ahead and unfriend me. I can guarantee you, I won't miss you anymore than you'll miss me. I will not ever be someones doormat again. 

Dawn 

Another gay marriage post...

The First Amendment (Amendment I) to the United States Constitution prohibits the making of any law respecting an establishment of religion, impeding the free exercise of religion, abridging the freedom of speech, infringing on the freedom of the press, interfering with the right to peaceably assemble or prohibiting the petitioning for a governmental redress of grievances. It was adopted on December 15, 1791, as one of the ten amendments that comprise the Bill of Rights.

The Treaty of Tripoli (Treaty of Peace and Friendship between the United States of America and the Bey and Subjects of Tripoli of Barbary) was the first treaty concluded between the United States of America and Tripolitania, signed at Tripoli on November 4, 1796, and at Algiers (for a third-party witness) on January 3, 1797. It was submitted to the Senate by President John Adams, receiving ratification unanimously from the U.S.Senate on June 7, 1797, and signed by Adams, taking effect as the law of the land on June 10, 1797.

The treaty was a routine diplomatic agreement but has attracted later attention because the English version included a clause about religion in the United States.

As the Government of the United States of America is not, in any sense, founded on the Christian religion,—as it has in itself no character of enmity against the laws, religion, or tranquility, of Mussulmen [Muslims],—and as the said States never entered into any war or act of hostility against any Mahometan [Mohammedan] nation, it is declared by the parties that no pretext arising from religious opinions shall ever produce an interruption of the harmony existing between the two countries.

Hello faithful readers!

After reading some of the absolute drivel being posted on news articles on facebook (don't those always start me on a blog rant?) I just felt like I had to write something.

I've made my views on gay marriage pretty clear. I believe the science, I believe that being gay is no different than being left handed, or having naturally curly hair. It's genetics, it's not a choice.

I posted the above snippets from Wikipedia regarding the first amendment of the constitution, and also the treaty of Tripoli. Both of these passages make it pretty clear that our government was not based on the Christian religion. Our laws were never intended to be based upon the Christian religion or Christian morals.

I am a Christian. However, I take the bible as a biased book, one that is rooted in the cultural aspects of its time period. When things that weren't understood were condemned. And that includes Jesus Christ himself. But regardless of how you interpret the bible, it has absolutely no place in the laws of this country. That is made abundantly clear, time and time again, despite all the people crying that, "Our founding fathers never intended this." in regards to gay marriage.

The bible interpretation used by most Christians is irrelevant, or should be, in the gay marriage debate. In fact, other than, "Eww it's gross." the bible is the only other flimsy excuse that people have for denying gay marriage.

You all are free to believe whatever you like. If you want to believe that being gay, or eating shellfish is a sin, you go right ahead. But religion has no place in our government. NONE. Zero! It's simply a moot point.

I used to think that national gay marriage was something that wouldn't happen in my lifetime. Or even in the lifetime of my children. However, now, I see it on the horizon. More and more judges are finding it unconstitutional. Some people here in Indiana think that the voters should decide whether to add a ban to our state constitution. But what they don't realize is that voter opinion doesn't matter if the item at question is unconstitutional. Period.

I've never understood why states are allowed to have such varying laws. Why do we bother having a federal government at all? It would be so much more simple if everyone followed the same rules, regardless.

Someday, everyone will have equal rights and all this will be behind us. We'll look back and wonder how we were ever so backward. Like we do now with race.

That's all my rant for now. Thanks for listening :)

Dawn

And so it begins...

Hello faithful readers! If I have any... ;)

Well, it's that time of year again! Welcome to the holidays! Now that we're all full of turkey and stuffing, the Christmas season can begin in earnest. I haven't written a post in a while, but sitting here this morning (Having been up since three AM, not to shop but to deal with a wakeful infant) and watching the news about fights breaking out in stores and a shooting in a parking lot at a Kohl's store somewhere in the country, I felt compelled to write about this insane thing that American's do every holiday season.

First off, Christmas comes waaaaay too early for me! I was out shopping for my Thanksgiving supplies earlier in the week, and felt dismayed at hearing Christmas music playing in the store! Now, I love Christmas music, don't get me wrong! But, there is something special to me about saving those songs up all year, and then bingeing on them during the holidays. (sure beats bingeing on candy!)

Christmas time just feels special to me. It's like there is something in the air. People seem a little nicer, happier. The songs and lights and beauty of it all enchants me. It's not about the gifts, though I love buying special gifts for the people I love and getting to see their faces when they open them far more than receiving gifts myself. It's just a really magical time of year.

But our insane society seems hell-bent on ruining it every year with more, and more and more marketing and stuff! Having 'Black Friday' sales on Thanksgiving now! It's just crazy! How did that happen?

I went two years ago to a Thursday night sale. All I wanted was a sewing machine. They were really cheap and it was for myself, not even for a gift. I got there way early, like two hours before the sales would begin. I canvassed the store, planned out my strategy. The aisle where the sewing machines were (there were only 10 of them, that's it) was roped off. So I stood there at the end of the aisle, chatting with other customers as they gathered. A woman pointed out to me a place in a side aisle I could stand to get a closer shot at the machines. Then they unroped the area a half hour or more before the sale was to start. So I went and stood next to the machines. My leg was touching one, I felt pretty good about it all.

Next to the sewing machines was a huge bin of bath towels for like 1.75 each or something. Like super cheap! Turns out most of the people in that aisle wanted those towels. As we stood there jammed together like sardines in a can, waiting for the store to announce the go ahead, people were already digging through the towels to find matching colors and then standing there with there hands on a pile of them. Some people even put them in their carts, even though the store repeatedly announced that you should not be putting sale items in your cart till the sale began. Store employees came by and told people to stop only to be completely ignored. The behavior was completely juvenile!

Finally they began the sale some ten or twenty minutes early. I quickly grabbed my sewing machine and put it in my cart. Then I turned to see the towels disappearing so fast it was almost comical. In a moment of silliness, I dove underneath someone, reached my arm down in the bin and managed to grab three or four of them. I don't know what came over me, it was like mob mentality.

Then I was completely boxed in and couldn't get out of that aisle for nearly half an hour. I kind of had to laugh at the people who were mad that the towels were gone. It took no more than a minute for what had to be maybe a few hundred towels to completely go.

I went around the rest of the store, managed to pick up a few good deals for gifts for the kids, and then made my way to the checkout where I stood in line for ages. When I came out of the store and got home, I felt like the shell shocked survivor of some natural disaster! NEVER again will I put myself through that, I mean seriously, never again.

The stores do this on purpose, build up these frenzied events by playing on human nature. People camping out since last Sunday for deals?! I just can't fathom it!

Thankfully, there does seem to be a movement this year of people that are boycotting this kind of behavior. But so long as people continue to allow the stores to manipulate them,  then this sort of thing will go on. We all really need to think about what the holidays mean to us, and figure out if the insanity is really worth it. It isn't to me.

So that's my soap box speech for today! Be safe folks!

Dawn

Coming out...

Hello readers!

Today I have spent some time, now that I finally got my son to take a nap, arguing with people on a local news Facebook page. Of course, why I do that to myself is beyond me. All it does is raise my blood pressure. Good thing I'm on meds for that, lol. But, it led me to doing some thinking which led to this blog post.

The posting I was arguing on was about the military's announcement that they would extend benefits to same sex spouses of service members. All of you know how I feel about gay rights. I've blogged about it before, and I think I've made it pretty clear what I believe.

However, I think to truly make clear my thinking on this subject, there is something that I need to disclose about myself.

I am bisexual.

It's something I've only recently admitted to myself. I've always felt attraction toward women. I never understood it. I had been with a woman sexually once but wasn't sure at the time what was motivating me and I never told anyone in my life about it. (other than my husband) But it all boils down to the fact that I feel sexually attracted to men AND women. Not one more than the other. I like them both.

But it took a conversation with my husband about things that turn me on to make me say it out loud. That I am bisexual. Guess what? My husband is a million percent cool with it. He loves me for who I am and that hasn't changed. I am the woman that he married. The only difference now is that I really KNOW who I am.

It doesn't make any difference in my marriage. I am 100%, head over heels in love with my husband. He's an amazing man and I am lucky and blessed to have him. Our life and marriage is wonderful and I wouldn't change it, or him, for the world. He doesn't, as some men might, feel threatened by the fact that I'm bisexual. In fact, he thinks it's pretty awesome. :)

So, you may ask, what does it matter? Why 'come out' when it doesn't seem to be necessary. When, because I'm in a heterosexual marriage, I don't have to struggle as do others in the LGBT community, for equal rights?

It is exactly because of that fight for equality that I need to come out. That I proclaim who I am loudly and proudly while I stand alongside others in the LGBT community to fight for equality. I already have equal rights because of my marriage, but what if I had met a woman instead of Kevin? What if she'd been from England? I'd still be living apart from my love by thousands of miles because the US doesn't allow same-sex partners to immigrate. So, while those restrictions don't affect me, they could have.

I also just don't believe that people should have to be secretive about who they are. Everyone deserves the right to be who God made them to be, and I've always been told that God doesn't make mistakes. So, I know that He made me to be who I am.

I've reached a point in my life where I don't feel like I should have to do anything to conform to what other people think is right. My conscience guides my actions. My love for Christ and his commandment to love one another guides my actions. But if I want to dye my hair purple (which I plan to do), get a few more tattoos, or fight for marriage equality because it's the right thing to do, then I'm going to do it regardless of what anyone else thinks.

Do I think that my coming out will lose me some friends? Possibly it will. If it does then I'll be sad for those people. But I will not mourn their loss in my life if they cannot accept me for the person that I am.

So, that's it. That is me in a nutshell. It is very freeing to just say it out loud and just be who I am.

Thanks for reading,

Dawn