Memories...

Hello faithful readers!

Memories can be a powerful thing. I recently wrote a blog about grief, in which a connection of painful memories were brought about by a TV show. Today I'm going to talk about happy memories.

These memories were brought about when a gal I went to high school with posted a pic of she and I from the musical we both performed in. We did The Music Man my senior year of high school. It was honestly one of the most amazing times of my life back then. My home life wasn't always the greatest. Don't get me wrong, it wasn't horrible. I wasn't physically abused, I didn't live in abject poverty. But I did have parents who were alcoholics and drug addicts. That made things tough sometimes. My parents were generally pretty wrapped up in whatever pleasures they sought, and little attention was paid to me and my brothers. This suited me to a degree. I was smart enough to do things for myself and thankfully I was smart enough to keep myself on a good path.

I didn't live near any of my friends though. The closest one was still several miles away, so it's not like I could ride a bike to her house, though I think I did once. So other than talking to them on the phone life could be pretty lonely for me there.

But when it came time for the school musical, I insisted that I get to participate. I had done the play Peter Pan the year before and loved it. My parents didn't want to bother to come and pick me up from school in the evening after practice, and wouldn't take me to practice if I came home from school. So I stayed at school until practice time, then I begged a ride home from someone. Sometimes I had to asked our director to ask for a ride on my behalf because I didn't know a lot of people well enough to ask and I was painfully, awkwardly shy in those days. (I was actually voted shyest in my high school class! People that know me now don't believe unless I show them my year book!) and none of my small circle of friends was in the musical with me. That meant I was at school from about 7:45 in the morning to something like 8 at night or later. I did my homework and ate from the vending machines for my supper. (probably the beginning of some of my bad eating habits!)

For weeks this went on. Because I was there so much, I helped with nearly every aspect of the play. From props to sets to costumes to blocking scenes and helping people rehearse their lines. I had a pretty small part myself. (had I not been so shy during my audition I might have gotten a better part!) But I threw myself into that show with everything I had, because really at the time, it was all I had.

When it came time for our performances it was amazing. The experience of it all still sings in my blood to this day. The very last performance, a Sunday afternoon, I begged my Mom to come. She told me she might, if she could. Then she called me at the school and told me she couldn't make it. What a blow that was. I had worked so hard, poured my heart and soul into this, and she couldn't be bothered enough to come and see me perform. I was beside myself with tears. Friends that I had made during the musical consoled me and helped me get ready and do my makeup.

Amazingly my Mom did make it. During the intermission she appeared and I was again beset with tears of happiness. It meant the world to me that she actually came. I don't remember how she got there, and it doesn't matter now, but I was so glad that she came.

Then, at the end of the show, the cast members took me aside and presented me with a beautiful bouquet of flowers. They had all pitched in and got them to thank me for everything that I'd done for the musical. Again I found myself in tears, as I stood out on the stage holding those beautiful blooms in my arms. It was one of the first times in my life when I felt truly valued by others. Pretty sad when you think that by then I was already 17 years old and had never felt that way before.

I will never forget that experience or the friends that I made during that time. Many of them weren't in my grade, and I've reconnected with a few since then. I hope that anyone that was involved in that musical and if they ever read this understand how much all that meant to me and how it still affects me as a person to this day.

Thank you for being a part of a very defining moment in my life. I will never forget you all.

Dawn