Hello faithful readers!
OMG!! I started watching a new show on TLC tonight called My Giant Life. It's about a number of women who all are over 6'6" in height. One a teenager that is 6'9". I'll admit that I do find people who are different to be fascinating. But there is a place where you simply have to draw the line when it comes to your curiosity.
A glance is one thing, but to stare, point, laugh, take pictures and video without permission. I'm sorry, but that is simply rude and ignorant behavior. The diversity of human life, and looks, is infinite. People come in all shapes and sizes. But because a number of us fall in the 'average' category, people seem to think that gives them license to treat people who are different as less than human.
How would you feel if you put on a new outfit that you really liked, but everywhere you went people pointed and laughed and stared at you. If you saw someone taking your picture and they hadn't asked for your permission. By the end of the day you'd be feeling horrible about the new outfit you loved to start with. How would you feel if that was about something you couldn't change the way you can an outfit?
I just get really bothered at how manners seem to get thrown right out the window with people anymore. Other people are not your personal side show. Have some respect and manners and just let people live their lives!!
Thanks for listening to me rant!
Dawn
Sunday, August 2, 2015
Wednesday, June 3, 2015
We aren't going anywhere...
Oh Lord, here I go again. AGAIN!!
Today I was arguing with people over whether homosexuality is a choice or not. Now, the person I began arguing with, to his credit, claimed to have read many scientific studies on the subject. The authors concluded that it isn't a choice, but don't have concrete evidence to support that. So he concludes that it must, then, be a choice. At least he was open minded enough to consider the possibility. However, his conclusion is completely wrong and no amount of things I said was going to persuade him otherwise.
What pissed me off the most about the conversation was the fact that, while people claim that for LGBT people who we are attracted to is a choice, they don't acknowledge the fact that they cannot control who they are attracted to. I asked the guy, if it's so easy to choose, go see if you can be attracted to a man, I'll wait...
At first he didn't even acknowledge my statement. Then he went on to say that he could lay with a man if he chose, but chooses not to because he finds it disgusting...EXACTLY!! You find the idea of being with someone of the same sex disgusting. Well guess what dude, gay people find the idea of being with someone of the opposite sex disgusting! They can't help it. Some of them wish and pray that they could. You have people out there who openly speak against homosexuality and yet have secret profiles on gay sex sites to satisfy their secret desires that they are combating against because they've been told by society it's wrong.
This statement however, by a person not involved in the original argument made me very angry, though I chose not to say anything because I'd already left the argument:
I am getting tired of the "We were born this way" argument. We were all born with urges and desires that vary from person to person. Acting on those desires and claiming, "I was born this way. I can't help it." is incredibly immature.
Rational adults learn to conform to societal norms and keep their desires under control. That's why I don't walk into a store and take whatever I want. That's why I don't cheat on my wife. That's why I obey the law. I know the difference between right and wrong. So is having homosexual feelings or desires a choice? Absolutely not! Is acting on those desires a choice? Absolutely! Debate all you want whether homosexual acts are right or wrong, but as far as what is a matter of choice is pretty clear to me. Can you choose a feeling? No. Can you choose an action? Yes. People need to stop navigating life by their feelings like children and start using their brains like adults.
So this guy, actually admits that it's not a choice, but according to him we should just 'conform to societal norms' and suppress that. We should be miserable and either be celibate or be in a relationship with someone we don't feel attracted to just so we can appear 'normal' WTF?!
I am so tired of people who aren't LGBT telling us how we should feel or act. How would they like it? They are usually also the ones crowing they don't want the government to be involved in their lives then turn around and support legislation that suppresses gay people, like bans on gay marriage.
With people like that, it wouldn't matter if scientists found a 'gay gene' tomorrow. They still wouldn't believe. Despite the fact that whenever you hear the story of a gay person, they talk about knowing they were 'different' from an age when children have no idea what sexuality is. This is coming from people who grew up in a time when being gay wasn't talked about. So if it wasn't talked about, and they had no idea what sexuality was, and they only had straight role models, how did they become gay?
The other thing that made me mad was that I was told my response to finding women attractive was simple lust. That I should simply not choose to act on that lust. (which I don't, because I'm married. But that doesn't negate what I feel) When I did a search for "Lust vs Sexual attraction" I found nothing but Christian articles. Searching just the word lust gave me a more accurate definition:
Lust is an altered state of consciousness programmed by the primal urge to procreate. --Psychology Today
Hmm, a primal urge to procreate. Well, since I can't procreate with a girl, what then, is it when I'm sexually attracted to her? To me, what it really comes down to when someone uses that argument, is that equating normal, healthy sexual attraction with lust gives it a negative connotation designed to make you feel ashamed of yourself. It's a way that conservative Christians have used to suppress both gay and straight people into conforming to their idea of what sex should be.
The thing is that sex has been around for a lot longer than religion. Just because someone comes along and says something is wrong, doesn't mean it is. We're entering a time in history when people are refusing to lie down and just accept someone else's ideas of what is wrong.
Of course, when I say things like that I just get accused of being a stupid liberal who has no common sense. There are rules we should follow to have an ordered society. But the thing about my sexuality is, that it doesn't harm you. If I steal from you, that harms you. If I beat you up or kill you, that harms you. If I practice adultery and steal your spouse, I harm you. Being a pedophile harms children. Morally, those things are wrong because they harm another human. Me being attracted to both men and women doesn't harm you. Other friends of mine being attracted to the same sex doesn't harm you. LGBT wanting to have the same rights and benefits of anyone else in society DOESN'T HARM YOU!!
In the end that's what it comes down to. If you want us to stop talking about it and 'keep it in the bedroom' as people have also said to me, then stop marginalizing people. When you want to hold hands with your hetero spouse, you don't get ridiculed and ostracized. It isn't all about sex. It's about being able to love the person you are attracted to in public. To be able to give them a kiss when you see them off at the airport. And for it to just be normal. Because let me tell you, we aren't freaking going anywhere. SO GET USED TO IT!!!
Okay, rant over. I'm sorry I get so angry, but I'm just so tired of it all. It's frigging exhausting.
Today I was arguing with people over whether homosexuality is a choice or not. Now, the person I began arguing with, to his credit, claimed to have read many scientific studies on the subject. The authors concluded that it isn't a choice, but don't have concrete evidence to support that. So he concludes that it must, then, be a choice. At least he was open minded enough to consider the possibility. However, his conclusion is completely wrong and no amount of things I said was going to persuade him otherwise.
What pissed me off the most about the conversation was the fact that, while people claim that for LGBT people who we are attracted to is a choice, they don't acknowledge the fact that they cannot control who they are attracted to. I asked the guy, if it's so easy to choose, go see if you can be attracted to a man, I'll wait...
At first he didn't even acknowledge my statement. Then he went on to say that he could lay with a man if he chose, but chooses not to because he finds it disgusting...EXACTLY!! You find the idea of being with someone of the same sex disgusting. Well guess what dude, gay people find the idea of being with someone of the opposite sex disgusting! They can't help it. Some of them wish and pray that they could. You have people out there who openly speak against homosexuality and yet have secret profiles on gay sex sites to satisfy their secret desires that they are combating against because they've been told by society it's wrong.
This statement however, by a person not involved in the original argument made me very angry, though I chose not to say anything because I'd already left the argument:
I am getting tired of the "We were born this way" argument. We were all born with urges and desires that vary from person to person. Acting on those desires and claiming, "I was born this way. I can't help it." is incredibly immature.
Rational adults learn to conform to societal norms and keep their desires under control. That's why I don't walk into a store and take whatever I want. That's why I don't cheat on my wife. That's why I obey the law. I know the difference between right and wrong. So is having homosexual feelings or desires a choice? Absolutely not! Is acting on those desires a choice? Absolutely! Debate all you want whether homosexual acts are right or wrong, but as far as what is a matter of choice is pretty clear to me. Can you choose a feeling? No. Can you choose an action? Yes. People need to stop navigating life by their feelings like children and start using their brains like adults.
So this guy, actually admits that it's not a choice, but according to him we should just 'conform to societal norms' and suppress that. We should be miserable and either be celibate or be in a relationship with someone we don't feel attracted to just so we can appear 'normal' WTF?!
I am so tired of people who aren't LGBT telling us how we should feel or act. How would they like it? They are usually also the ones crowing they don't want the government to be involved in their lives then turn around and support legislation that suppresses gay people, like bans on gay marriage.
With people like that, it wouldn't matter if scientists found a 'gay gene' tomorrow. They still wouldn't believe. Despite the fact that whenever you hear the story of a gay person, they talk about knowing they were 'different' from an age when children have no idea what sexuality is. This is coming from people who grew up in a time when being gay wasn't talked about. So if it wasn't talked about, and they had no idea what sexuality was, and they only had straight role models, how did they become gay?
The other thing that made me mad was that I was told my response to finding women attractive was simple lust. That I should simply not choose to act on that lust. (which I don't, because I'm married. But that doesn't negate what I feel) When I did a search for "Lust vs Sexual attraction" I found nothing but Christian articles. Searching just the word lust gave me a more accurate definition:
Lust is an altered state of consciousness programmed by the primal urge to procreate. --Psychology Today
Hmm, a primal urge to procreate. Well, since I can't procreate with a girl, what then, is it when I'm sexually attracted to her? To me, what it really comes down to when someone uses that argument, is that equating normal, healthy sexual attraction with lust gives it a negative connotation designed to make you feel ashamed of yourself. It's a way that conservative Christians have used to suppress both gay and straight people into conforming to their idea of what sex should be.
The thing is that sex has been around for a lot longer than religion. Just because someone comes along and says something is wrong, doesn't mean it is. We're entering a time in history when people are refusing to lie down and just accept someone else's ideas of what is wrong.
Of course, when I say things like that I just get accused of being a stupid liberal who has no common sense. There are rules we should follow to have an ordered society. But the thing about my sexuality is, that it doesn't harm you. If I steal from you, that harms you. If I beat you up or kill you, that harms you. If I practice adultery and steal your spouse, I harm you. Being a pedophile harms children. Morally, those things are wrong because they harm another human. Me being attracted to both men and women doesn't harm you. Other friends of mine being attracted to the same sex doesn't harm you. LGBT wanting to have the same rights and benefits of anyone else in society DOESN'T HARM YOU!!
In the end that's what it comes down to. If you want us to stop talking about it and 'keep it in the bedroom' as people have also said to me, then stop marginalizing people. When you want to hold hands with your hetero spouse, you don't get ridiculed and ostracized. It isn't all about sex. It's about being able to love the person you are attracted to in public. To be able to give them a kiss when you see them off at the airport. And for it to just be normal. Because let me tell you, we aren't freaking going anywhere. SO GET USED TO IT!!!
Okay, rant over. I'm sorry I get so angry, but I'm just so tired of it all. It's frigging exhausting.
Friday, May 22, 2015
The Duggar Debacle
Hello faithful readers!
Okay, I know you are probably sick to death of hearing about Josh Duggar and his transgressions, but as a survivor of sexual abuse, I felt compelled to offer my two cents.
I've read up on as much as I could about what he did and what his parents actions were following the abuse. I've also read a ton of peoples comments on it. There seem to be two schools of thought. One group of people are thrilled that he's been exposed as a hypocritical bigot and that his family's show is being pulled from TLC. Many of these are people who've never liked the family to begin with and have always thought their show was stupid. Then you have fans of the show that are all about, "He made a mistake. God has forgiven him, don't punish his family because of what he did, etc."
I used to watch their show when it first came out. While I didn't agree with their religious beliefs, I still liked them and enjoyed watching the things they did. As time went on, however, I became really concerned about their views and the fact that people held them up as moral paragons. Long ago I stopped watching because of their bigoted views toward the LGBT community and I refuse to support those views by adding to their ratings.
I don't really have a problem with people saying he made a mistake. Because, well, he did. He was fourteen and growing up in a household which severely sexually represses their children. They don't even talk to them about sex until they're about to get married. Their access to media is severely restricted. These kids have no real idea about sex and the human body except what their parents read them out of the bible. And what the bible teaches is that sex is this terrible, immoral, horrible thing until you get married. The girls are taught that the wife must be submissive and 'available' to her husband whenever he needs to satisfy his urges. And I won't even start on the philosophy of 'lets try to populate the earth' they've got going on. Though as long as they can afford to care for their children I don't care if they have 50 as far as that is concerned.
But because of the way these kids are raised, things like this are bound to happen. I wasn't at all surprised by it. When you don't teach a young man about his body and hormones and things, then he is going to explore that on his own to the detriment of young girls within his reach.
Now, my molester was someone who was far, far older than me and should have known better. It was a family friend, and only one or two people on this planet know who it was and what he did to me. As a child I was too scared to come forward, and so my abuser has walked free. I've never received counseling for what happened to me, nor do I talk about it much. In fact, I do believe this is the first time I've publicly acknowledged it. It's a part of my life that I have, for the most part, put behind me. But reading stories like this definitely bring it to mind.
I think the thing that is bothering people the most about this whole thing, is 1. How his parents handled things, and 2. The fact that he and his family have painted LGBT people as a threat to children, when Josh Duggar was himself, at one time, a threat to children.
I've seen people commenting that the family got counseling for Josh and his victims. However, I don't believe that is actually true. There has been no mention of what kind of counseling the girls had. And Josh's experience wasn't counseling. They sent him to a family friend who made him do hard work and who was a 'mentor' of sorts. That is most certainly not counseling. He was also given a 'very stern talk' by a State Trooper friend of the Duggars, who is now currently serving time for child pornography. How very interesting that is. The abuse was also covered up for nearly a year before it was ever reported.
All the things the Duggars have been saying in the media are all about poor Josh, and how he regrets what he did, etc. There isn't anything about his victims. Yes, he was young, but so were they. Given the absolute garbage excuse for counseling Josh got, what did the girls get? Probably a few bible verses and a "you'll get over it, that's just how men are."
That is what is getting people so riled up. That it wasn't handled in a proper way and that Josh wasn't punished for it. Not punished in the eyes of the law. Yes he was 14, and he would have gotten a punishment fit for a 14 year old, but he would have been punished. As he should have been.
The other thing is that the family as a whole paints the LGBT community as being a danger to children. That laws allowing transgender people to use their correct bathroom would be putting young girls in danger. All while they covered up their sons deeds and gave him a paltry punishment for what he did.
If his wife wants to stand by him, then fine. Obviously he told her about it. Hopefully she keeps a close eye on their daughters. But I totally agree that their show should be taken off the air. People need to stop acting like these people speak for Jesus because they sure as hell don't. They may do some Christian things, but their beliefs are dangerous and detrimental to people, especially to their own children.
Josh Duggar is proof of that.
Thanks,
Dawn
Okay, I know you are probably sick to death of hearing about Josh Duggar and his transgressions, but as a survivor of sexual abuse, I felt compelled to offer my two cents.
I've read up on as much as I could about what he did and what his parents actions were following the abuse. I've also read a ton of peoples comments on it. There seem to be two schools of thought. One group of people are thrilled that he's been exposed as a hypocritical bigot and that his family's show is being pulled from TLC. Many of these are people who've never liked the family to begin with and have always thought their show was stupid. Then you have fans of the show that are all about, "He made a mistake. God has forgiven him, don't punish his family because of what he did, etc."
I used to watch their show when it first came out. While I didn't agree with their religious beliefs, I still liked them and enjoyed watching the things they did. As time went on, however, I became really concerned about their views and the fact that people held them up as moral paragons. Long ago I stopped watching because of their bigoted views toward the LGBT community and I refuse to support those views by adding to their ratings.
I don't really have a problem with people saying he made a mistake. Because, well, he did. He was fourteen and growing up in a household which severely sexually represses their children. They don't even talk to them about sex until they're about to get married. Their access to media is severely restricted. These kids have no real idea about sex and the human body except what their parents read them out of the bible. And what the bible teaches is that sex is this terrible, immoral, horrible thing until you get married. The girls are taught that the wife must be submissive and 'available' to her husband whenever he needs to satisfy his urges. And I won't even start on the philosophy of 'lets try to populate the earth' they've got going on. Though as long as they can afford to care for their children I don't care if they have 50 as far as that is concerned.
But because of the way these kids are raised, things like this are bound to happen. I wasn't at all surprised by it. When you don't teach a young man about his body and hormones and things, then he is going to explore that on his own to the detriment of young girls within his reach.
Now, my molester was someone who was far, far older than me and should have known better. It was a family friend, and only one or two people on this planet know who it was and what he did to me. As a child I was too scared to come forward, and so my abuser has walked free. I've never received counseling for what happened to me, nor do I talk about it much. In fact, I do believe this is the first time I've publicly acknowledged it. It's a part of my life that I have, for the most part, put behind me. But reading stories like this definitely bring it to mind.
I think the thing that is bothering people the most about this whole thing, is 1. How his parents handled things, and 2. The fact that he and his family have painted LGBT people as a threat to children, when Josh Duggar was himself, at one time, a threat to children.
I've seen people commenting that the family got counseling for Josh and his victims. However, I don't believe that is actually true. There has been no mention of what kind of counseling the girls had. And Josh's experience wasn't counseling. They sent him to a family friend who made him do hard work and who was a 'mentor' of sorts. That is most certainly not counseling. He was also given a 'very stern talk' by a State Trooper friend of the Duggars, who is now currently serving time for child pornography. How very interesting that is. The abuse was also covered up for nearly a year before it was ever reported.
All the things the Duggars have been saying in the media are all about poor Josh, and how he regrets what he did, etc. There isn't anything about his victims. Yes, he was young, but so were they. Given the absolute garbage excuse for counseling Josh got, what did the girls get? Probably a few bible verses and a "you'll get over it, that's just how men are."
That is what is getting people so riled up. That it wasn't handled in a proper way and that Josh wasn't punished for it. Not punished in the eyes of the law. Yes he was 14, and he would have gotten a punishment fit for a 14 year old, but he would have been punished. As he should have been.
The other thing is that the family as a whole paints the LGBT community as being a danger to children. That laws allowing transgender people to use their correct bathroom would be putting young girls in danger. All while they covered up their sons deeds and gave him a paltry punishment for what he did.
If his wife wants to stand by him, then fine. Obviously he told her about it. Hopefully she keeps a close eye on their daughters. But I totally agree that their show should be taken off the air. People need to stop acting like these people speak for Jesus because they sure as hell don't. They may do some Christian things, but their beliefs are dangerous and detrimental to people, especially to their own children.
Josh Duggar is proof of that.
Thanks,
Dawn
Friday, January 16, 2015
Christianity and Islam
Okay, I know that this post isn't going to be a very popular one. I know A LOT of people don't agree with me and I'm OK with that. Really I am. But I am tired of being silent and wish to speak on this.
I was disgusted by the comments on the article about Duke University giving in to pressure and rescinding it's plan to broadcast a Muslim call to prayer from it's bell tower. I understand why Duke gave in, they depend on donations to run and not giving in to the donors would have put the whole student body at risk for the sake of a few.
But it still makes me mad.
When 9/11 happened I was just as mad as everyone else in this country. The same with the Boston Marathon bombings. I also get mad when I read or watch things about other terrorist attacks in other countries. I mourn for the children whose lives are lost.
But I am angry that the same attitudes we've been trying to get rid of for years are still prevailing in this country. It all started with the murder, persecution and enslavement of native populations by explorers coming to this country and stealing it for their own. It continued with the enslavement of the African people to provide labor to build this country. It continued on with denying rights to free blacks and to women. It continued with interring Japanese American citizens during WWII. It continues today with the persecution of Homosexual and Transgender people and Muslims.
Yep, I said it. Muslims.
That big, scary word that so many Americans say with contempt and malice and ignorance.
There is no denying what has been done to our country and others by people in the name of Islam. There is no denying that people have perverted that religion to their own ends and used it as a tool of terror and violence throughout the world.
But guess what? So have Christians. For literally thousands of years, Christians did a lot of things that today we shake our fists in anger when we hear about Muslim extremists who do them.
This article will give you a long, though incomplete, list of things that were done to humanity in the name of the Christian religion.
http://www.truthbeknown.com/victims.htm
The main point I'm trying to make with this post is "Don't be the pot calling the kettle black." Just because we are more enlightened now as a religion doesn't mean we were always that way. (And some might argue that we aren't really more enlightened, we're just more sneaky in our persecution methods) Just because some Muslims do horrible things in the name of their religion doesn't mean all Muslims believe that way.
I, as a Christian, feel in no way threatened by the practice of Islam by my fellow Americans. Good people, who are law abiding citizens, students, business owners, etc. People who merely want to live out life in a safe place, which is why so many people still want to immigrate to America. Because for all it's faults, it's far safer to live here than in many, many other countries in this world.
To me, Duke broadcasting that prayer, is no different than the thousands of churches in America playing Christian hymns on their carillons many times throughout the day. If I was a Buddhist, Hindu, Muslim, Pagan, etc in America I would not feel my religion threatened by those hymns, but rather would enjoy the music.
This doesn't mean I'm not outraged at what terrorists do to destroy lives. They destroy the lives of plenty of their own people, as well as those they view as 'infidels'. But when you get angry at what some people do in the name of Islam, remember that the mass killer Anders Behring Breivik, who killed 77 people at a summer camp in Norway, did so in part in the name of Christianity. Part of his manifesto urging the return to a Christian Europe and to reinstating the crusades. While modern terrorism in the name of Christianity is more rare now, Christians spent thousands of years perfecting persecution, forgetting how they themselves were persecuted against by the Egyptians and the Romans. And persecution is still alive and well with Christians, the conservative branch are now just more diplomatic about it and use sneaky politics rather than the rack or hangings.
By denying Muslims the freedom to practice their religion in a country where people are supposed to have the right to practice their religion free from persecution, all you are doing is creating a breeding ground for more of them to move to the extremist section of that religion. Why not work together with our fellow Americans to make all people feel welcome, to help them to love America, so they don't want to hurt it or identify with those that do?
Can't you see how counterproductive it all is?
Can't you?
Thanks,
Dawn
I was disgusted by the comments on the article about Duke University giving in to pressure and rescinding it's plan to broadcast a Muslim call to prayer from it's bell tower. I understand why Duke gave in, they depend on donations to run and not giving in to the donors would have put the whole student body at risk for the sake of a few.
But it still makes me mad.
When 9/11 happened I was just as mad as everyone else in this country. The same with the Boston Marathon bombings. I also get mad when I read or watch things about other terrorist attacks in other countries. I mourn for the children whose lives are lost.
But I am angry that the same attitudes we've been trying to get rid of for years are still prevailing in this country. It all started with the murder, persecution and enslavement of native populations by explorers coming to this country and stealing it for their own. It continued with the enslavement of the African people to provide labor to build this country. It continued on with denying rights to free blacks and to women. It continued with interring Japanese American citizens during WWII. It continues today with the persecution of Homosexual and Transgender people and Muslims.
Yep, I said it. Muslims.
That big, scary word that so many Americans say with contempt and malice and ignorance.
There is no denying what has been done to our country and others by people in the name of Islam. There is no denying that people have perverted that religion to their own ends and used it as a tool of terror and violence throughout the world.
But guess what? So have Christians. For literally thousands of years, Christians did a lot of things that today we shake our fists in anger when we hear about Muslim extremists who do them.
This article will give you a long, though incomplete, list of things that were done to humanity in the name of the Christian religion.
http://www.truthbeknown.com/victims.htm
The main point I'm trying to make with this post is "Don't be the pot calling the kettle black." Just because we are more enlightened now as a religion doesn't mean we were always that way. (And some might argue that we aren't really more enlightened, we're just more sneaky in our persecution methods) Just because some Muslims do horrible things in the name of their religion doesn't mean all Muslims believe that way.
I, as a Christian, feel in no way threatened by the practice of Islam by my fellow Americans. Good people, who are law abiding citizens, students, business owners, etc. People who merely want to live out life in a safe place, which is why so many people still want to immigrate to America. Because for all it's faults, it's far safer to live here than in many, many other countries in this world.
To me, Duke broadcasting that prayer, is no different than the thousands of churches in America playing Christian hymns on their carillons many times throughout the day. If I was a Buddhist, Hindu, Muslim, Pagan, etc in America I would not feel my religion threatened by those hymns, but rather would enjoy the music.
This doesn't mean I'm not outraged at what terrorists do to destroy lives. They destroy the lives of plenty of their own people, as well as those they view as 'infidels'. But when you get angry at what some people do in the name of Islam, remember that the mass killer Anders Behring Breivik, who killed 77 people at a summer camp in Norway, did so in part in the name of Christianity. Part of his manifesto urging the return to a Christian Europe and to reinstating the crusades. While modern terrorism in the name of Christianity is more rare now, Christians spent thousands of years perfecting persecution, forgetting how they themselves were persecuted against by the Egyptians and the Romans. And persecution is still alive and well with Christians, the conservative branch are now just more diplomatic about it and use sneaky politics rather than the rack or hangings.
By denying Muslims the freedom to practice their religion in a country where people are supposed to have the right to practice their religion free from persecution, all you are doing is creating a breeding ground for more of them to move to the extremist section of that religion. Why not work together with our fellow Americans to make all people feel welcome, to help them to love America, so they don't want to hurt it or identify with those that do?
Can't you see how counterproductive it all is?
Can't you?
Thanks,
Dawn
Friday, January 2, 2015
Autism moments...
Hello all!
So as we're working out which flavor to get, the young stockman asked if he could do anything to help. For some reason, and I still don't know what made me say it, I replied, "No thank you, we're just having an autism moment here, but we're all good." I went absolutely red in the face after I said it. I mean, what in God's name caused that to just fall out of my mouth?
Sometimes, when you live with autism in your house, it's just such a part of things that you don't notice sometimes. Life with autism is just life to you, and you go on about your day without thinking about how autism affects that day.
Oh and it does. It affects everything from how you grocery shop (and when) to how you prepare meals and how you plan your day because autism likes to know exactly how the day is going to go.
Sometimes autism can be stressful. Any parent of an autistic child will understand the story I'm about to tell. It was a story that started out stressful but ended with me and the kids laughing and also with having a really nice moment in the grocery store.
Picture this, if you will. It's Christmas break and the kids are all off of school. It's also payday, which means I have to go grocery shopping. Normally grocery shopping is something I reserve for while the older children are all at school, or for the weekend, when I take one kid as a helper and leave the rest at home with Dad. One kid is a lot easier to handle in the store than four. But since it was payday and that happened to fall on a Tuesday, I had to take them all.
This particular shopping trip was made all the more stressful by our daughter Olivia, who is 13 and has autism. Any parent with a kid on the spectrum will get this. Our kids have so few things they can eat because of all the sensory stuff that they deal with. So, with the few foods they do eat, we cling to those like a life raft in a storm. There are always those familiar, comfortable things they'll eat and you know that as long as those things are in the house, there is something the kid will eat. Is it always a healthy something? Oh God no! But it's something!
Occasionally an autistic child, for no reason that they can explain, will 'go off' a certain food. They'll literally eat the same thing every day for two years and then all of a sudden, poof, they don't want it anymore. It's like you're trying to feed them earthworms all of a sudden!
Well, Olivia didn't just go off one food. It was several things. Suddenly she didn't want pasta anymore, or honey bunches of oats cereal, or Greek yogurt. The Greek yogurt was the most distressing. It's one of the few sources of protein she'll eat because she doesn't really eat meat. She eats cheese but only when she's at school, I can't get her to eat it at home.
So, since we were all at the store together, I was trying to quiz her about things she would eat. This is stressful for her, in addition to being in a loud and colorful grocery store full of all kinds of sensory overload. She did eventually decide to have toaster strudel again, which she'd stopped eating several months before. But I was dying to get her to have Greek yogurt again. So we went over to the rather extensive yogurt selection. As I was quizzing her, there was a young stockman nearby working at the shelves.
It turns out Olivia hadn't completely gone off the yogurt, the flavor I'd bought was what was causing problems. I had accidentally bought the kind with fruit on the bottom. *facepalm* Doh!! Of course, Olivia has trouble communicating that, so instead of telling me, Mom, you bought the wrong flavor, she went into meltdown mode every time the subject of the yogurt came up at home.
So as we're working out which flavor to get, the young stockman asked if he could do anything to help. For some reason, and I still don't know what made me say it, I replied, "No thank you, we're just having an autism moment here, but we're all good." I went absolutely red in the face after I said it. I mean, what in God's name caused that to just fall out of my mouth?
However, the stockman looked at me and said, "I have autism too. I understand." He then proceeded to show me different flavors, checked the ones in my cart to make sure the expiration dates were correct (he'd been throwing out old product) and recommended flavors he likes. After we finished I made sure to thank him profusely and we went on our way.
My face was still rather red but the kids and I were laughing and joking as we finished up our shopping. Suddenly I was very glad I mentioned autism, and that that young man was able to help us. Stocking shelves is a good job for someone on the spectrum. With their attention to detail you can bet that not one out of date yogurt will get missed on that shelf! And it was just really great to talk to someone else who understood what I was dealing with at that moment, because he lives it himself.
Obviously, since my husband is on the spectrum too, I have him to talk to about it. It helps with Olivia. Since she is also my step-daughter, so I didn't birth her or have the opportunity to help raise her till they immigrated here nearly 3 years ago. So he helps me learn, not only about Olivia as a person, but about her from the point of view of being on the spectrum. As a neurotypical, I need that help desperately.
But when my husband isn't there and we're out in the world, it can feel like a lonely place. I know there are a lot of families out there dealing with autism, but they aren't always obvious and I don't know any that live locally to me. People in the world that don't have direct experience with autism just don't understand. So it's nice to accidentally run into someone who does.
I've not posted about autism much on this blog. I suppose I should start a separate blog for it, my husband has encouraged me to do so. Perhaps I will :)
Thanks for listening,
Dawn
Wednesday, December 31, 2014
Not Broken
Hello all!
Unsurprisingly, I'm writing about gender and sexuality issues, yet again. I usually seem to write when I'm angry and damnit, I'm angry again. Angry that another transgender youth has taken their life because their parents decided they loved religious doctrine more than they loved their child. Would the parent see it that way? No, of course not. They see it as the ultimate act of love, to 'fix' their broken child. A child that the church has told them is an abomination. Well, guess what?
YOUR CHILD ISN'T BROKEN!
I'm angry because things like this cause me to question my faith. I spent a large part of my late teens/early twenties doing that. I thought I was finished, that I had found my faith path and could follow it eagerly. But now, I tread more gingerly. I'm hesitant, because I see a faith filled with too much hate and people following rules that existed in a culture far removed from our own. Rules that they pick and choose from which to follow. They say that God says homosexuality is an abomination while eating shrimp, getting tattoos, and wearing clothing of mixed fiber (which God also said was an abomination).
I see people rejecting science because it simply doesn't match up with what their preacher told them. Despite all the evidence that exists they refer to a 2000 year old book on how life should be.
Science makes it all very simple, as far as I can tell. To me, it's simple logic. These same people can accept those born with down syndrome, or autism, or any number of things that change a human brain from being 'typical'. But they can't accept the idea that a male can be born with a female brain and vice versa? Science has proven that male and female brains work, look and behave very differently. Here is a good article from WebMD on the subject.
http://www.webmd.com/balance/features/how-male-female-brains-differ
When seen through ultrasound and other testing apparatus, male and female brains react differently to stimuli. They are made up of different proportions of gray matter and white matter. This isn't coincidence. I would love to see a study done on the brains of male and female transgender persons. I would not be at all surprised to see that a man who wishes to transition to a woman has a brain that appears more as a female brain, and the same for a woman who feels that they are male. When you can accept other things that happen to change the brain and body in utero, why can't you accept that these same mechanisms can cause homosexuality and gender identity issues?
I'm tired of hearing how parents reject their children and cause those children such unimaginable pain and confusion that that child sees the only way to get away from that is to kill themselves. NO child should have to go through that.
I'm very vocal, when out in the world. When I was Christmas shopping and looking at puzzle glue for Lilli a woman commented to me that I'd be better off going to Hobby Lobby and buying modpodge cause it worked better. I told her I don't shop at Hobby Lobby because I don't agree with their principles. When a nurse commented about her nephew liking theater and musicals but then said, "He's not gay, there's nothing wrong with him," I'm pointedly told her that if my son were gay I wouldn't see it as something being wrong with him.
When are our youth, the future of our world, going to stop being pushed into little boxes that stunt who they are and what they can accomplish?
If my son ever comes to me and tells me he's transgender then I'll take him to the store and buy him a dress and heels and makeup. I'll teach him how to put it on and how to do his hair. I'll let him change his name and tell his sisters that they have another sister. I love the little boy that he is now and I'll love him, encourage him and teach him whether he remains a boy or becomes a girl. The same with any of my children.
And I will continue to be vocal about tolerance, acceptance, and equality. I'll continue to speak out against injustice when I see it. Will I ever make a difference? I don't know. But I know that I never will if I just stand by and let these sorts of things happen without saying something. I hope I made that nurse think that day. I hope that woman in walmart maybe thinks twice before she shops at Hobby Lobby again.
But I WILL NOT stay quiet. Leelah needs us to not stay quiet. Kids that take their lives because of bullying need us to not stay quiet. Special needs kids need us to not stay quiet. So damnit, DON'T STAY QUIET! Shout and scream and kick up a fuss. Let them know we're angry.
BECAUSE WE ARE!!!!
Unsurprisingly, I'm writing about gender and sexuality issues, yet again. I usually seem to write when I'm angry and damnit, I'm angry again. Angry that another transgender youth has taken their life because their parents decided they loved religious doctrine more than they loved their child. Would the parent see it that way? No, of course not. They see it as the ultimate act of love, to 'fix' their broken child. A child that the church has told them is an abomination. Well, guess what?
YOUR CHILD ISN'T BROKEN!
I'm angry because things like this cause me to question my faith. I spent a large part of my late teens/early twenties doing that. I thought I was finished, that I had found my faith path and could follow it eagerly. But now, I tread more gingerly. I'm hesitant, because I see a faith filled with too much hate and people following rules that existed in a culture far removed from our own. Rules that they pick and choose from which to follow. They say that God says homosexuality is an abomination while eating shrimp, getting tattoos, and wearing clothing of mixed fiber (which God also said was an abomination).
I see people rejecting science because it simply doesn't match up with what their preacher told them. Despite all the evidence that exists they refer to a 2000 year old book on how life should be.
Science makes it all very simple, as far as I can tell. To me, it's simple logic. These same people can accept those born with down syndrome, or autism, or any number of things that change a human brain from being 'typical'. But they can't accept the idea that a male can be born with a female brain and vice versa? Science has proven that male and female brains work, look and behave very differently. Here is a good article from WebMD on the subject.
http://www.webmd.com/balance/features/how-male-female-brains-differ
When seen through ultrasound and other testing apparatus, male and female brains react differently to stimuli. They are made up of different proportions of gray matter and white matter. This isn't coincidence. I would love to see a study done on the brains of male and female transgender persons. I would not be at all surprised to see that a man who wishes to transition to a woman has a brain that appears more as a female brain, and the same for a woman who feels that they are male. When you can accept other things that happen to change the brain and body in utero, why can't you accept that these same mechanisms can cause homosexuality and gender identity issues?
I'm tired of hearing how parents reject their children and cause those children such unimaginable pain and confusion that that child sees the only way to get away from that is to kill themselves. NO child should have to go through that.
I'm very vocal, when out in the world. When I was Christmas shopping and looking at puzzle glue for Lilli a woman commented to me that I'd be better off going to Hobby Lobby and buying modpodge cause it worked better. I told her I don't shop at Hobby Lobby because I don't agree with their principles. When a nurse commented about her nephew liking theater and musicals but then said, "He's not gay, there's nothing wrong with him," I'm pointedly told her that if my son were gay I wouldn't see it as something being wrong with him.
When are our youth, the future of our world, going to stop being pushed into little boxes that stunt who they are and what they can accomplish?
If my son ever comes to me and tells me he's transgender then I'll take him to the store and buy him a dress and heels and makeup. I'll teach him how to put it on and how to do his hair. I'll let him change his name and tell his sisters that they have another sister. I love the little boy that he is now and I'll love him, encourage him and teach him whether he remains a boy or becomes a girl. The same with any of my children.
And I will continue to be vocal about tolerance, acceptance, and equality. I'll continue to speak out against injustice when I see it. Will I ever make a difference? I don't know. But I know that I never will if I just stand by and let these sorts of things happen without saying something. I hope I made that nurse think that day. I hope that woman in walmart maybe thinks twice before she shops at Hobby Lobby again.
But I WILL NOT stay quiet. Leelah needs us to not stay quiet. Kids that take their lives because of bullying need us to not stay quiet. Special needs kids need us to not stay quiet. So damnit, DON'T STAY QUIET! Shout and scream and kick up a fuss. Let them know we're angry.
BECAUSE WE ARE!!!!
Friday, November 14, 2014
It's NEVER OK!
Hi all!
I know it's been a while since I've written but I read something this morning that just really ticked me off and I had to write about it. One of my friends either shared or liked a post that led to a blog post about a child with Down's syndrome. Now, anyone who knows me knows that I have a brother who is severely mentally disabled. I grew up around other disabled kids due to various programs my brother was involved in. I remember going to a group he attended at a local catholic church. I really enjoyed interacting with those kids and I believe that doing so at a young age helped make me a more compassionate and understanding person where people with disabilities are concerned.
This particular blog post was about a horrid, ignorant comment made to a mother with a Down's syndrome 2 year old by a grocery store cashier. The comment is as follows...
“I bet you wish you had known before he came out. You know they have a test for that now…”
WTF!? When is it OK, ever, to say something like that to someone? I mean, really? It's NEVER OK! EVER!!!!
The mother handled it far better than I would have. I would have been livid to the point of tears had it been my child. I would have asked to see the manager after telling the employee what a brainless buffoon they were and would have made sure to let the manager know how ignorant and offensive she was to a customer with a special needs child. Here is a link to the original blogger. Take time to stop by her page and tell her how awesome she is.
http://chroniclesofmommy.wordpress.com/2014/10/05/sometimes-i-forget/
I follow many blogs and Facebook pages in the Autism community and hear about all kinds of ignorance that special needs families have to face daily. One woman, who has a son with autism and some other co-morbid disorders has a service dog for her son to help with his meltdowns from sensory overload and also to alert them if he chokes because he has a swallowing disorder. The ignorance and stupidity she deals with when out in public with her son and service dog is astounding. Since when did people lose all respect for others personal space, privacy and lives? When we did stop treating each other like human beings?
Since learning about the functions of service dogs I am very vigilant with my kids when we see someone out and about with one. If they ask to pet the dog I tell them no, the dog is working. You can only pet a service dog if the owner offers first. It's important to let a service dog focus on it's job, for it is a very important one. Once we saw one in the library and the lady overheard me telling the kids this, but she turned out to be a hospital worker who takes this trained service dog to visit patients in hospitals. So she happily let the kids and myself pet the animal. But I made sure to let the kids know that this was not the usual way to be around a service animal, because at that time, the animal wasn't working.
It makes me sad when I see people out who have visible disabilities such as Down's or someone with more severe autism and I smile at them and try to engage but the parent or caregiver doesn't give me the chance to and sort of steers them away from me. It makes me sad because it's the ignorance they face on a day to day basis that causes them to do this to protect their child. So then that child doesn't get to interact with and be treated with respect by those of us who really are only interested in putting a smile on a child's face, ANY child.
I'm just so fed up of ignorance. Of people whose stupidity is so great that garbage falls out every time they open their mouths. When I was little we were taught to be respectful of others. My husband and I teach our children the same. But this whole society seems to be going down the toilet. People just don't care about each other anymore. An ever shrinking minority do, but too many people are the vocal, rude and judgmental sort. And I'm just tired of them.
In the famous words of Rodney King (albeit a condensed catchphrase from his original quote)
"Can't we all just get along?"
Sigh...thanks for reading.
Dawn
I know it's been a while since I've written but I read something this morning that just really ticked me off and I had to write about it. One of my friends either shared or liked a post that led to a blog post about a child with Down's syndrome. Now, anyone who knows me knows that I have a brother who is severely mentally disabled. I grew up around other disabled kids due to various programs my brother was involved in. I remember going to a group he attended at a local catholic church. I really enjoyed interacting with those kids and I believe that doing so at a young age helped make me a more compassionate and understanding person where people with disabilities are concerned.
This particular blog post was about a horrid, ignorant comment made to a mother with a Down's syndrome 2 year old by a grocery store cashier. The comment is as follows...
“I bet you wish you had known before he came out. You know they have a test for that now…”
WTF!? When is it OK, ever, to say something like that to someone? I mean, really? It's NEVER OK! EVER!!!!
The mother handled it far better than I would have. I would have been livid to the point of tears had it been my child. I would have asked to see the manager after telling the employee what a brainless buffoon they were and would have made sure to let the manager know how ignorant and offensive she was to a customer with a special needs child. Here is a link to the original blogger. Take time to stop by her page and tell her how awesome she is.
http://chroniclesofmommy.wordpress.com/2014/10/05/sometimes-i-forget/
I follow many blogs and Facebook pages in the Autism community and hear about all kinds of ignorance that special needs families have to face daily. One woman, who has a son with autism and some other co-morbid disorders has a service dog for her son to help with his meltdowns from sensory overload and also to alert them if he chokes because he has a swallowing disorder. The ignorance and stupidity she deals with when out in public with her son and service dog is astounding. Since when did people lose all respect for others personal space, privacy and lives? When we did stop treating each other like human beings?
Since learning about the functions of service dogs I am very vigilant with my kids when we see someone out and about with one. If they ask to pet the dog I tell them no, the dog is working. You can only pet a service dog if the owner offers first. It's important to let a service dog focus on it's job, for it is a very important one. Once we saw one in the library and the lady overheard me telling the kids this, but she turned out to be a hospital worker who takes this trained service dog to visit patients in hospitals. So she happily let the kids and myself pet the animal. But I made sure to let the kids know that this was not the usual way to be around a service animal, because at that time, the animal wasn't working.
It makes me sad when I see people out who have visible disabilities such as Down's or someone with more severe autism and I smile at them and try to engage but the parent or caregiver doesn't give me the chance to and sort of steers them away from me. It makes me sad because it's the ignorance they face on a day to day basis that causes them to do this to protect their child. So then that child doesn't get to interact with and be treated with respect by those of us who really are only interested in putting a smile on a child's face, ANY child.
I'm just so fed up of ignorance. Of people whose stupidity is so great that garbage falls out every time they open their mouths. When I was little we were taught to be respectful of others. My husband and I teach our children the same. But this whole society seems to be going down the toilet. People just don't care about each other anymore. An ever shrinking minority do, but too many people are the vocal, rude and judgmental sort. And I'm just tired of them.
In the famous words of Rodney King (albeit a condensed catchphrase from his original quote)
"Can't we all just get along?"
Sigh...thanks for reading.
Dawn
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