Okay, I know that this post isn't going to be a very popular one. I know A LOT of people don't agree with me and I'm OK with that. Really I am. But I am tired of being silent and wish to speak on this.
I was disgusted by the comments on the article about Duke University giving in to pressure and rescinding it's plan to broadcast a Muslim call to prayer from it's bell tower. I understand why Duke gave in, they depend on donations to run and not giving in to the donors would have put the whole student body at risk for the sake of a few.
But it still makes me mad.
When 9/11 happened I was just as mad as everyone else in this country. The same with the Boston Marathon bombings. I also get mad when I read or watch things about other terrorist attacks in other countries. I mourn for the children whose lives are lost.
But I am angry that the same attitudes we've been trying to get rid of for years are still prevailing in this country. It all started with the murder, persecution and enslavement of native populations by explorers coming to this country and stealing it for their own. It continued with the enslavement of the African people to provide labor to build this country. It continued on with denying rights to free blacks and to women. It continued with interring Japanese American citizens during WWII. It continues today with the persecution of Homosexual and Transgender people and Muslims.
Yep, I said it. Muslims.
That big, scary word that so many Americans say with contempt and malice and ignorance.
There is no denying what has been done to our country and others by people in the name of Islam. There is no denying that people have perverted that religion to their own ends and used it as a tool of terror and violence throughout the world.
But guess what? So have Christians. For literally thousands of years, Christians did a lot of things that today we shake our fists in anger when we hear about Muslim extremists who do them.
This article will give you a long, though incomplete, list of things that were done to humanity in the name of the Christian religion.
http://www.truthbeknown.com/victims.htm
The main point I'm trying to make with this post is "Don't be the pot calling the kettle black." Just because we are more enlightened now as a religion doesn't mean we were always that way. (And some might argue that we aren't really more enlightened, we're just more sneaky in our persecution methods) Just because some Muslims do horrible things in the name of their religion doesn't mean all Muslims believe that way.
I, as a Christian, feel in no way threatened by the practice of Islam by my fellow Americans. Good people, who are law abiding citizens, students, business owners, etc. People who merely want to live out life in a safe place, which is why so many people still want to immigrate to America. Because for all it's faults, it's far safer to live here than in many, many other countries in this world.
To me, Duke broadcasting that prayer, is no different than the thousands of churches in America playing Christian hymns on their carillons many times throughout the day. If I was a Buddhist, Hindu, Muslim, Pagan, etc in America I would not feel my religion threatened by those hymns, but rather would enjoy the music.
This doesn't mean I'm not outraged at what terrorists do to destroy lives. They destroy the lives of plenty of their own people, as well as those they view as 'infidels'. But when you get angry at what some people do in the name of Islam, remember that the mass killer Anders Behring Breivik, who killed 77 people at a summer camp in Norway, did so in part in the name of Christianity. Part of his manifesto urging the return to a Christian Europe and to reinstating the crusades. While modern terrorism in the name of Christianity is more rare now, Christians spent thousands of years perfecting persecution, forgetting how they themselves were persecuted against by the Egyptians and the Romans. And persecution is still alive and well with Christians, the conservative branch are now just more diplomatic about it and use sneaky politics rather than the rack or hangings.
By denying Muslims the freedom to practice their religion in a country where people are supposed to have the right to practice their religion free from persecution, all you are doing is creating a breeding ground for more of them to move to the extremist section of that religion. Why not work together with our fellow Americans to make all people feel welcome, to help them to love America, so they don't want to hurt it or identify with those that do?
Can't you see how counterproductive it all is?
Can't you?
Thanks,
Dawn
Friday, January 16, 2015
Friday, January 2, 2015
Autism moments...
Hello all!
So as we're working out which flavor to get, the young stockman asked if he could do anything to help. For some reason, and I still don't know what made me say it, I replied, "No thank you, we're just having an autism moment here, but we're all good." I went absolutely red in the face after I said it. I mean, what in God's name caused that to just fall out of my mouth?
Sometimes, when you live with autism in your house, it's just such a part of things that you don't notice sometimes. Life with autism is just life to you, and you go on about your day without thinking about how autism affects that day.
Oh and it does. It affects everything from how you grocery shop (and when) to how you prepare meals and how you plan your day because autism likes to know exactly how the day is going to go.
Sometimes autism can be stressful. Any parent of an autistic child will understand the story I'm about to tell. It was a story that started out stressful but ended with me and the kids laughing and also with having a really nice moment in the grocery store.
Picture this, if you will. It's Christmas break and the kids are all off of school. It's also payday, which means I have to go grocery shopping. Normally grocery shopping is something I reserve for while the older children are all at school, or for the weekend, when I take one kid as a helper and leave the rest at home with Dad. One kid is a lot easier to handle in the store than four. But since it was payday and that happened to fall on a Tuesday, I had to take them all.
This particular shopping trip was made all the more stressful by our daughter Olivia, who is 13 and has autism. Any parent with a kid on the spectrum will get this. Our kids have so few things they can eat because of all the sensory stuff that they deal with. So, with the few foods they do eat, we cling to those like a life raft in a storm. There are always those familiar, comfortable things they'll eat and you know that as long as those things are in the house, there is something the kid will eat. Is it always a healthy something? Oh God no! But it's something!
Occasionally an autistic child, for no reason that they can explain, will 'go off' a certain food. They'll literally eat the same thing every day for two years and then all of a sudden, poof, they don't want it anymore. It's like you're trying to feed them earthworms all of a sudden!
Well, Olivia didn't just go off one food. It was several things. Suddenly she didn't want pasta anymore, or honey bunches of oats cereal, or Greek yogurt. The Greek yogurt was the most distressing. It's one of the few sources of protein she'll eat because she doesn't really eat meat. She eats cheese but only when she's at school, I can't get her to eat it at home.
So, since we were all at the store together, I was trying to quiz her about things she would eat. This is stressful for her, in addition to being in a loud and colorful grocery store full of all kinds of sensory overload. She did eventually decide to have toaster strudel again, which she'd stopped eating several months before. But I was dying to get her to have Greek yogurt again. So we went over to the rather extensive yogurt selection. As I was quizzing her, there was a young stockman nearby working at the shelves.
It turns out Olivia hadn't completely gone off the yogurt, the flavor I'd bought was what was causing problems. I had accidentally bought the kind with fruit on the bottom. *facepalm* Doh!! Of course, Olivia has trouble communicating that, so instead of telling me, Mom, you bought the wrong flavor, she went into meltdown mode every time the subject of the yogurt came up at home.
So as we're working out which flavor to get, the young stockman asked if he could do anything to help. For some reason, and I still don't know what made me say it, I replied, "No thank you, we're just having an autism moment here, but we're all good." I went absolutely red in the face after I said it. I mean, what in God's name caused that to just fall out of my mouth?
However, the stockman looked at me and said, "I have autism too. I understand." He then proceeded to show me different flavors, checked the ones in my cart to make sure the expiration dates were correct (he'd been throwing out old product) and recommended flavors he likes. After we finished I made sure to thank him profusely and we went on our way.
My face was still rather red but the kids and I were laughing and joking as we finished up our shopping. Suddenly I was very glad I mentioned autism, and that that young man was able to help us. Stocking shelves is a good job for someone on the spectrum. With their attention to detail you can bet that not one out of date yogurt will get missed on that shelf! And it was just really great to talk to someone else who understood what I was dealing with at that moment, because he lives it himself.
Obviously, since my husband is on the spectrum too, I have him to talk to about it. It helps with Olivia. Since she is also my step-daughter, so I didn't birth her or have the opportunity to help raise her till they immigrated here nearly 3 years ago. So he helps me learn, not only about Olivia as a person, but about her from the point of view of being on the spectrum. As a neurotypical, I need that help desperately.
But when my husband isn't there and we're out in the world, it can feel like a lonely place. I know there are a lot of families out there dealing with autism, but they aren't always obvious and I don't know any that live locally to me. People in the world that don't have direct experience with autism just don't understand. So it's nice to accidentally run into someone who does.
I've not posted about autism much on this blog. I suppose I should start a separate blog for it, my husband has encouraged me to do so. Perhaps I will :)
Thanks for listening,
Dawn
Wednesday, December 31, 2014
Not Broken
Hello all!
Unsurprisingly, I'm writing about gender and sexuality issues, yet again. I usually seem to write when I'm angry and damnit, I'm angry again. Angry that another transgender youth has taken their life because their parents decided they loved religious doctrine more than they loved their child. Would the parent see it that way? No, of course not. They see it as the ultimate act of love, to 'fix' their broken child. A child that the church has told them is an abomination. Well, guess what?
YOUR CHILD ISN'T BROKEN!
I'm angry because things like this cause me to question my faith. I spent a large part of my late teens/early twenties doing that. I thought I was finished, that I had found my faith path and could follow it eagerly. But now, I tread more gingerly. I'm hesitant, because I see a faith filled with too much hate and people following rules that existed in a culture far removed from our own. Rules that they pick and choose from which to follow. They say that God says homosexuality is an abomination while eating shrimp, getting tattoos, and wearing clothing of mixed fiber (which God also said was an abomination).
I see people rejecting science because it simply doesn't match up with what their preacher told them. Despite all the evidence that exists they refer to a 2000 year old book on how life should be.
Science makes it all very simple, as far as I can tell. To me, it's simple logic. These same people can accept those born with down syndrome, or autism, or any number of things that change a human brain from being 'typical'. But they can't accept the idea that a male can be born with a female brain and vice versa? Science has proven that male and female brains work, look and behave very differently. Here is a good article from WebMD on the subject.
http://www.webmd.com/balance/features/how-male-female-brains-differ
When seen through ultrasound and other testing apparatus, male and female brains react differently to stimuli. They are made up of different proportions of gray matter and white matter. This isn't coincidence. I would love to see a study done on the brains of male and female transgender persons. I would not be at all surprised to see that a man who wishes to transition to a woman has a brain that appears more as a female brain, and the same for a woman who feels that they are male. When you can accept other things that happen to change the brain and body in utero, why can't you accept that these same mechanisms can cause homosexuality and gender identity issues?
I'm tired of hearing how parents reject their children and cause those children such unimaginable pain and confusion that that child sees the only way to get away from that is to kill themselves. NO child should have to go through that.
I'm very vocal, when out in the world. When I was Christmas shopping and looking at puzzle glue for Lilli a woman commented to me that I'd be better off going to Hobby Lobby and buying modpodge cause it worked better. I told her I don't shop at Hobby Lobby because I don't agree with their principles. When a nurse commented about her nephew liking theater and musicals but then said, "He's not gay, there's nothing wrong with him," I'm pointedly told her that if my son were gay I wouldn't see it as something being wrong with him.
When are our youth, the future of our world, going to stop being pushed into little boxes that stunt who they are and what they can accomplish?
If my son ever comes to me and tells me he's transgender then I'll take him to the store and buy him a dress and heels and makeup. I'll teach him how to put it on and how to do his hair. I'll let him change his name and tell his sisters that they have another sister. I love the little boy that he is now and I'll love him, encourage him and teach him whether he remains a boy or becomes a girl. The same with any of my children.
And I will continue to be vocal about tolerance, acceptance, and equality. I'll continue to speak out against injustice when I see it. Will I ever make a difference? I don't know. But I know that I never will if I just stand by and let these sorts of things happen without saying something. I hope I made that nurse think that day. I hope that woman in walmart maybe thinks twice before she shops at Hobby Lobby again.
But I WILL NOT stay quiet. Leelah needs us to not stay quiet. Kids that take their lives because of bullying need us to not stay quiet. Special needs kids need us to not stay quiet. So damnit, DON'T STAY QUIET! Shout and scream and kick up a fuss. Let them know we're angry.
BECAUSE WE ARE!!!!
Unsurprisingly, I'm writing about gender and sexuality issues, yet again. I usually seem to write when I'm angry and damnit, I'm angry again. Angry that another transgender youth has taken their life because their parents decided they loved religious doctrine more than they loved their child. Would the parent see it that way? No, of course not. They see it as the ultimate act of love, to 'fix' their broken child. A child that the church has told them is an abomination. Well, guess what?
YOUR CHILD ISN'T BROKEN!
I'm angry because things like this cause me to question my faith. I spent a large part of my late teens/early twenties doing that. I thought I was finished, that I had found my faith path and could follow it eagerly. But now, I tread more gingerly. I'm hesitant, because I see a faith filled with too much hate and people following rules that existed in a culture far removed from our own. Rules that they pick and choose from which to follow. They say that God says homosexuality is an abomination while eating shrimp, getting tattoos, and wearing clothing of mixed fiber (which God also said was an abomination).
I see people rejecting science because it simply doesn't match up with what their preacher told them. Despite all the evidence that exists they refer to a 2000 year old book on how life should be.
Science makes it all very simple, as far as I can tell. To me, it's simple logic. These same people can accept those born with down syndrome, or autism, or any number of things that change a human brain from being 'typical'. But they can't accept the idea that a male can be born with a female brain and vice versa? Science has proven that male and female brains work, look and behave very differently. Here is a good article from WebMD on the subject.
http://www.webmd.com/balance/features/how-male-female-brains-differ
When seen through ultrasound and other testing apparatus, male and female brains react differently to stimuli. They are made up of different proportions of gray matter and white matter. This isn't coincidence. I would love to see a study done on the brains of male and female transgender persons. I would not be at all surprised to see that a man who wishes to transition to a woman has a brain that appears more as a female brain, and the same for a woman who feels that they are male. When you can accept other things that happen to change the brain and body in utero, why can't you accept that these same mechanisms can cause homosexuality and gender identity issues?
I'm tired of hearing how parents reject their children and cause those children such unimaginable pain and confusion that that child sees the only way to get away from that is to kill themselves. NO child should have to go through that.
I'm very vocal, when out in the world. When I was Christmas shopping and looking at puzzle glue for Lilli a woman commented to me that I'd be better off going to Hobby Lobby and buying modpodge cause it worked better. I told her I don't shop at Hobby Lobby because I don't agree with their principles. When a nurse commented about her nephew liking theater and musicals but then said, "He's not gay, there's nothing wrong with him," I'm pointedly told her that if my son were gay I wouldn't see it as something being wrong with him.
When are our youth, the future of our world, going to stop being pushed into little boxes that stunt who they are and what they can accomplish?
If my son ever comes to me and tells me he's transgender then I'll take him to the store and buy him a dress and heels and makeup. I'll teach him how to put it on and how to do his hair. I'll let him change his name and tell his sisters that they have another sister. I love the little boy that he is now and I'll love him, encourage him and teach him whether he remains a boy or becomes a girl. The same with any of my children.
And I will continue to be vocal about tolerance, acceptance, and equality. I'll continue to speak out against injustice when I see it. Will I ever make a difference? I don't know. But I know that I never will if I just stand by and let these sorts of things happen without saying something. I hope I made that nurse think that day. I hope that woman in walmart maybe thinks twice before she shops at Hobby Lobby again.
But I WILL NOT stay quiet. Leelah needs us to not stay quiet. Kids that take their lives because of bullying need us to not stay quiet. Special needs kids need us to not stay quiet. So damnit, DON'T STAY QUIET! Shout and scream and kick up a fuss. Let them know we're angry.
BECAUSE WE ARE!!!!
Friday, November 14, 2014
It's NEVER OK!
Hi all!
I know it's been a while since I've written but I read something this morning that just really ticked me off and I had to write about it. One of my friends either shared or liked a post that led to a blog post about a child with Down's syndrome. Now, anyone who knows me knows that I have a brother who is severely mentally disabled. I grew up around other disabled kids due to various programs my brother was involved in. I remember going to a group he attended at a local catholic church. I really enjoyed interacting with those kids and I believe that doing so at a young age helped make me a more compassionate and understanding person where people with disabilities are concerned.
This particular blog post was about a horrid, ignorant comment made to a mother with a Down's syndrome 2 year old by a grocery store cashier. The comment is as follows...
“I bet you wish you had known before he came out. You know they have a test for that now…”
WTF!? When is it OK, ever, to say something like that to someone? I mean, really? It's NEVER OK! EVER!!!!
The mother handled it far better than I would have. I would have been livid to the point of tears had it been my child. I would have asked to see the manager after telling the employee what a brainless buffoon they were and would have made sure to let the manager know how ignorant and offensive she was to a customer with a special needs child. Here is a link to the original blogger. Take time to stop by her page and tell her how awesome she is.
http://chroniclesofmommy.wordpress.com/2014/10/05/sometimes-i-forget/
I follow many blogs and Facebook pages in the Autism community and hear about all kinds of ignorance that special needs families have to face daily. One woman, who has a son with autism and some other co-morbid disorders has a service dog for her son to help with his meltdowns from sensory overload and also to alert them if he chokes because he has a swallowing disorder. The ignorance and stupidity she deals with when out in public with her son and service dog is astounding. Since when did people lose all respect for others personal space, privacy and lives? When we did stop treating each other like human beings?
Since learning about the functions of service dogs I am very vigilant with my kids when we see someone out and about with one. If they ask to pet the dog I tell them no, the dog is working. You can only pet a service dog if the owner offers first. It's important to let a service dog focus on it's job, for it is a very important one. Once we saw one in the library and the lady overheard me telling the kids this, but she turned out to be a hospital worker who takes this trained service dog to visit patients in hospitals. So she happily let the kids and myself pet the animal. But I made sure to let the kids know that this was not the usual way to be around a service animal, because at that time, the animal wasn't working.
It makes me sad when I see people out who have visible disabilities such as Down's or someone with more severe autism and I smile at them and try to engage but the parent or caregiver doesn't give me the chance to and sort of steers them away from me. It makes me sad because it's the ignorance they face on a day to day basis that causes them to do this to protect their child. So then that child doesn't get to interact with and be treated with respect by those of us who really are only interested in putting a smile on a child's face, ANY child.
I'm just so fed up of ignorance. Of people whose stupidity is so great that garbage falls out every time they open their mouths. When I was little we were taught to be respectful of others. My husband and I teach our children the same. But this whole society seems to be going down the toilet. People just don't care about each other anymore. An ever shrinking minority do, but too many people are the vocal, rude and judgmental sort. And I'm just tired of them.
In the famous words of Rodney King (albeit a condensed catchphrase from his original quote)
"Can't we all just get along?"
Sigh...thanks for reading.
Dawn
I know it's been a while since I've written but I read something this morning that just really ticked me off and I had to write about it. One of my friends either shared or liked a post that led to a blog post about a child with Down's syndrome. Now, anyone who knows me knows that I have a brother who is severely mentally disabled. I grew up around other disabled kids due to various programs my brother was involved in. I remember going to a group he attended at a local catholic church. I really enjoyed interacting with those kids and I believe that doing so at a young age helped make me a more compassionate and understanding person where people with disabilities are concerned.
This particular blog post was about a horrid, ignorant comment made to a mother with a Down's syndrome 2 year old by a grocery store cashier. The comment is as follows...
“I bet you wish you had known before he came out. You know they have a test for that now…”
WTF!? When is it OK, ever, to say something like that to someone? I mean, really? It's NEVER OK! EVER!!!!
The mother handled it far better than I would have. I would have been livid to the point of tears had it been my child. I would have asked to see the manager after telling the employee what a brainless buffoon they were and would have made sure to let the manager know how ignorant and offensive she was to a customer with a special needs child. Here is a link to the original blogger. Take time to stop by her page and tell her how awesome she is.
http://chroniclesofmommy.wordpress.com/2014/10/05/sometimes-i-forget/
I follow many blogs and Facebook pages in the Autism community and hear about all kinds of ignorance that special needs families have to face daily. One woman, who has a son with autism and some other co-morbid disorders has a service dog for her son to help with his meltdowns from sensory overload and also to alert them if he chokes because he has a swallowing disorder. The ignorance and stupidity she deals with when out in public with her son and service dog is astounding. Since when did people lose all respect for others personal space, privacy and lives? When we did stop treating each other like human beings?
Since learning about the functions of service dogs I am very vigilant with my kids when we see someone out and about with one. If they ask to pet the dog I tell them no, the dog is working. You can only pet a service dog if the owner offers first. It's important to let a service dog focus on it's job, for it is a very important one. Once we saw one in the library and the lady overheard me telling the kids this, but she turned out to be a hospital worker who takes this trained service dog to visit patients in hospitals. So she happily let the kids and myself pet the animal. But I made sure to let the kids know that this was not the usual way to be around a service animal, because at that time, the animal wasn't working.
It makes me sad when I see people out who have visible disabilities such as Down's or someone with more severe autism and I smile at them and try to engage but the parent or caregiver doesn't give me the chance to and sort of steers them away from me. It makes me sad because it's the ignorance they face on a day to day basis that causes them to do this to protect their child. So then that child doesn't get to interact with and be treated with respect by those of us who really are only interested in putting a smile on a child's face, ANY child.
I'm just so fed up of ignorance. Of people whose stupidity is so great that garbage falls out every time they open their mouths. When I was little we were taught to be respectful of others. My husband and I teach our children the same. But this whole society seems to be going down the toilet. People just don't care about each other anymore. An ever shrinking minority do, but too many people are the vocal, rude and judgmental sort. And I'm just tired of them.
In the famous words of Rodney King (albeit a condensed catchphrase from his original quote)
"Can't we all just get along?"
Sigh...thanks for reading.
Dawn
Tuesday, August 26, 2014
What defines marriage?
Hello faithful readers!
I've been thinking a lot about what defines marriage. I think it's on a lot of people's minds these days given the debate over same sex marriage. People who oppose same sex marriage strive to convince us that it undermines "traditional" marriage. But what, exactly, is traditional marriage?
Marriage traditions mean many different things to different people and cultures. This idea of "traditional marriage" is a fairly new one. Marriage has been around a very long time, right back to pair bonding in the stone age. Native Americans practiced it but in very different ways to us. Here is a link to a fantastic article on native American marriage traditions.
http://nativeamericannetroots.net/diary/1084
I found it fascinating in that marriage was kept separate from civil and religious concerns. In the many different types of marriages practiced by native cultures, it was between the people involved and no-one else. Women and men had equal say in who they married. If two people wanted to separate, then they did. Since the whole tribe helped in the rearing of youngsters, such separation of partners didn't seem to have adverse effects on the children.
It's the involvement of government and religion in marriage which forces it to have any definition all. In our country and many others there are civil benefits to being married. Tax breaks and the like. Spouses are given the power the make medical decisions for you, etc. Religion merely brings a ceremony, a solemn occasion in which two people are joined. It isn't even necessary in the context of a civil marriage. So long as you have a legal marriage license, you're married.
Americans like to talk a big talk about having rights, but yet consistently deny rights to others they deem different. Marriage isn't exclusive to the bible or any religious text. So why be so hell bent on preserving a narrow religious definition of marriage?
Maybe the solution would be to take government out of marriage entirely? No? I bet people wouldn't like that, including the same ones who. claim to want less less government in our lives.
My point is, don't be blinded by what defines marriage for two individuals. What it really comes down to is that everyone deserves to be treated equally. We expect to be and so should they. What does marriage mean to you?
I've been thinking a lot about what defines marriage. I think it's on a lot of people's minds these days given the debate over same sex marriage. People who oppose same sex marriage strive to convince us that it undermines "traditional" marriage. But what, exactly, is traditional marriage?
Marriage traditions mean many different things to different people and cultures. This idea of "traditional marriage" is a fairly new one. Marriage has been around a very long time, right back to pair bonding in the stone age. Native Americans practiced it but in very different ways to us. Here is a link to a fantastic article on native American marriage traditions.
http://nativeamericannetroots.net/diary/1084
I found it fascinating in that marriage was kept separate from civil and religious concerns. In the many different types of marriages practiced by native cultures, it was between the people involved and no-one else. Women and men had equal say in who they married. If two people wanted to separate, then they did. Since the whole tribe helped in the rearing of youngsters, such separation of partners didn't seem to have adverse effects on the children.
It's the involvement of government and religion in marriage which forces it to have any definition all. In our country and many others there are civil benefits to being married. Tax breaks and the like. Spouses are given the power the make medical decisions for you, etc. Religion merely brings a ceremony, a solemn occasion in which two people are joined. It isn't even necessary in the context of a civil marriage. So long as you have a legal marriage license, you're married.
Americans like to talk a big talk about having rights, but yet consistently deny rights to others they deem different. Marriage isn't exclusive to the bible or any religious text. So why be so hell bent on preserving a narrow religious definition of marriage?
Maybe the solution would be to take government out of marriage entirely? No? I bet people wouldn't like that, including the same ones who. claim to want less less government in our lives.
My point is, don't be blinded by what defines marriage for two individuals. What it really comes down to is that everyone deserves to be treated equally. We expect to be and so should they. What does marriage mean to you?
Tuesday, August 19, 2014
Why we hurt...
Hello faithful readers!
Those of you who follow me on Facebook probably saw my post yesterday. I was angry and a little hurt by a family member who ended up unfriending me because she found me 'annoying'. Mainly she didn't like that I disagreed with her about something. (The ALS Icebucket challenge) My comments were light-hearted and teasing but when she basically alluded to the fact that she found me dumb for finding something funny I defended myself. Like I said in a post a while back, I won't lay down and take people's crap. If you attack me, I'll defend myself, period. That's when she got mad and sent me a private message telling me how annoying I was and no wonder her younger sister had deleted me too.
I enlightened her to the fact that her sister hadn't deleted me, I'd deleted her. Because I was attacked on her page as well, for giving well meaning advice that she didn't like the sound of. When one asks for advice in a public forum, you may well get advice you don't like. There is never any reason to mean or rude, you can simply thank the person and move on, or tell them that the advice won't work for you, sorry. At least that's how I'd handle it, since I was raised to have manners.
I hold no illusions that this girl cares anything about me. She's probably glad I won't be popping up in her newsfeed anymore, though I do hope her oldest sister remains my friend, I have no issues with her whatsoever, but I know that sometimes a spat with one family member can have repercussions on other relationships as well.
I'm not naive enough to believe that everyone will share the same views as me, and I'm okay with that too. If you are polite and respectful to me, then I will show you that same courtesy. It's pretty simple and I'm probably one of the easiest people on the planet to get a long with. I can usually find something I like or some redeeming quality in everyone.
I had a chat via text with another family member last night that did indeed leave me feeling better about the incident. Family is important to me, and I've used Facebook as a tool to reconnect with family I didn't feel close to when I was younger and painfully shy. I guess I'm idealistic and optimistic, in thinking that everyone would be as happy to reconnect with me as I was with them. Also a little naive I suppose. I haven't lived in Pennsylvania for nearly 13 years. People grow up, change, have their lives happen to them.
But I got to thinking last night about why two young women would be so angry and bitter all the time. It was highly obvious in most of the memes and things that they posted on Facebook. Most of which I just ignored because I didn't want to perpetuate and approve of drama.
These young ladies can't have had an easy life. Some of it we have in common, having parents that are alcoholics. Their Mom was always very good to me, but is an abrasive woman, who carries around her own fair share of anger at the hands life has dealt to her. People whose lives have been filled with so much hurt and abuse tend to hurt and abuse others without any thought as to the consequences of their actions. It's sad really. Idealist people like me try to see the good in everyone, but there comes a time when you can only take so much and you just have to sever ties and move on. And trust me, that doesn't take me as long to do as it used to. I used to take it, and take it and take it from people before I got fed up and moved on. Now, I do it a whole lot quicker. There is no reason to cause myself anguish over someone who can't see past their own hurt and anger and who lashes out at other people with only the slightest of provocation.
I know not everyone I come across in life will like me. I like to think I'm a pretty likable person, but some people seem to take issue with me and that's ok. I try to quickly identify those and get them out of my life or get out of their life before problems come up. But again, with family, I tried a little harder to make it work. Because I've always believed that your family should have your back and you should have theirs. Well, let me tell you, LESSON LEARNED! It's not always the case and it's one thing that I'm going to try and watch for in the future.
I'm what my friend Alison calls a 'feeler'. I feel emotions and things strongly and can be easily hurt. I don't have a thick skin and in some ways I'm really glad about that. I know my husband also likes that about me. That I'm open and trusting. But it can also lead to me being easily hurt. That's why most of the time I tend to avoid confrontation unless I feel strongly about something. Such as how much good that silly ice bucket challenge is doing for the organization trying to fight ALS.
So yeah, I just had to get all this off my chest one last time. Writing helps me to purge the ugly thoughts that can threaten to drown me when something like this happens. You'll notice, that unlike what some people might do, I try very hard to keep the identity of those people involved with this a secret. I don't name names. Only someone who knows the situation or knows these people well will know whom I am speaking of. A few family members 'might' figure it out. While I do want to put my feelings about this incident out there for my own peace of mind and mental well being, I don't have any wish to publicly humiliate or anger someone else, as that is not the type of person that I am. I talk about these experiences because I know that they happen to others too, and may leave those people feeling confused and hurt and angry as I felt yesterday.
If for some reason someone does show this post to the young ladies involved, I forgive you, I'm praying for you and I hope that life is better for you in the future. That you can let go of the things that make you so angry, break down your walls and accept different people into your life that can bring you a fresh perspective. If you ever want to reconnect, I'm here. If not, and this just makes you more angry, well, I can't take responsibility for your emotions, and I won't try to.
Thanks for listening. Even if no one ever reads this, typing it out makes me feel a lot better.
Dawn
Those of you who follow me on Facebook probably saw my post yesterday. I was angry and a little hurt by a family member who ended up unfriending me because she found me 'annoying'. Mainly she didn't like that I disagreed with her about something. (The ALS Icebucket challenge) My comments were light-hearted and teasing but when she basically alluded to the fact that she found me dumb for finding something funny I defended myself. Like I said in a post a while back, I won't lay down and take people's crap. If you attack me, I'll defend myself, period. That's when she got mad and sent me a private message telling me how annoying I was and no wonder her younger sister had deleted me too.
I enlightened her to the fact that her sister hadn't deleted me, I'd deleted her. Because I was attacked on her page as well, for giving well meaning advice that she didn't like the sound of. When one asks for advice in a public forum, you may well get advice you don't like. There is never any reason to mean or rude, you can simply thank the person and move on, or tell them that the advice won't work for you, sorry. At least that's how I'd handle it, since I was raised to have manners.
I hold no illusions that this girl cares anything about me. She's probably glad I won't be popping up in her newsfeed anymore, though I do hope her oldest sister remains my friend, I have no issues with her whatsoever, but I know that sometimes a spat with one family member can have repercussions on other relationships as well.
I'm not naive enough to believe that everyone will share the same views as me, and I'm okay with that too. If you are polite and respectful to me, then I will show you that same courtesy. It's pretty simple and I'm probably one of the easiest people on the planet to get a long with. I can usually find something I like or some redeeming quality in everyone.
But I got to thinking last night about why two young women would be so angry and bitter all the time. It was highly obvious in most of the memes and things that they posted on Facebook. Most of which I just ignored because I didn't want to perpetuate and approve of drama.
These young ladies can't have had an easy life. Some of it we have in common, having parents that are alcoholics. Their Mom was always very good to me, but is an abrasive woman, who carries around her own fair share of anger at the hands life has dealt to her. People whose lives have been filled with so much hurt and abuse tend to hurt and abuse others without any thought as to the consequences of their actions. It's sad really. Idealist people like me try to see the good in everyone, but there comes a time when you can only take so much and you just have to sever ties and move on. And trust me, that doesn't take me as long to do as it used to. I used to take it, and take it and take it from people before I got fed up and moved on. Now, I do it a whole lot quicker. There is no reason to cause myself anguish over someone who can't see past their own hurt and anger and who lashes out at other people with only the slightest of provocation.
I know not everyone I come across in life will like me. I like to think I'm a pretty likable person, but some people seem to take issue with me and that's ok. I try to quickly identify those and get them out of my life or get out of their life before problems come up. But again, with family, I tried a little harder to make it work. Because I've always believed that your family should have your back and you should have theirs. Well, let me tell you, LESSON LEARNED! It's not always the case and it's one thing that I'm going to try and watch for in the future.
I'm what my friend Alison calls a 'feeler'. I feel emotions and things strongly and can be easily hurt. I don't have a thick skin and in some ways I'm really glad about that. I know my husband also likes that about me. That I'm open and trusting. But it can also lead to me being easily hurt. That's why most of the time I tend to avoid confrontation unless I feel strongly about something. Such as how much good that silly ice bucket challenge is doing for the organization trying to fight ALS.
So yeah, I just had to get all this off my chest one last time. Writing helps me to purge the ugly thoughts that can threaten to drown me when something like this happens. You'll notice, that unlike what some people might do, I try very hard to keep the identity of those people involved with this a secret. I don't name names. Only someone who knows the situation or knows these people well will know whom I am speaking of. A few family members 'might' figure it out. While I do want to put my feelings about this incident out there for my own peace of mind and mental well being, I don't have any wish to publicly humiliate or anger someone else, as that is not the type of person that I am. I talk about these experiences because I know that they happen to others too, and may leave those people feeling confused and hurt and angry as I felt yesterday.
If for some reason someone does show this post to the young ladies involved, I forgive you, I'm praying for you and I hope that life is better for you in the future. That you can let go of the things that make you so angry, break down your walls and accept different people into your life that can bring you a fresh perspective. If you ever want to reconnect, I'm here. If not, and this just makes you more angry, well, I can't take responsibility for your emotions, and I won't try to.
Thanks for listening. Even if no one ever reads this, typing it out makes me feel a lot better.
Dawn
Thursday, July 10, 2014
Who cares?
You know what really aggravates me?
Well, if you don't, I'm going to tell you. People that insist on commenting on news articles stating, "We don't care about this, why is this news?" They seem to have some sort of idea that only the news that interests them is actually 'news'. Everything else is just stupid fluff. And of course, those of us who are interested in things that they don't deem newsworthy are just stupid air heads. That or 'silly liberals' which is one that really gets my goat!
Anyone who knows me, knows that I'm a celeb junkie. Not to the point of being ridiculous about it, and also not to the point of believing everything I read, I'm not stupid. But I enjoy seeing what celebs are up to. From what they are wearing to who is getting married or having babies. I just find it interesting. I like seeing happy stories, I lament when something unfortunate happens to a celeb I like. It's a diversion, and most celebs know that when they become famous, this is what they sign on for. Those that like to keep their lives private generally become very good at doing so, while still remaining in the public eye for their work. So they can usually avoid the nonsense if they don't want to be part of it and I respect that.
But why people seem to selfishly believe that if they don't care about something it shouldn't be 'news' just pisses me off! I'M interested, so back off! Let me just enjoy what I'm reading, and go comment on something that you deem worth your time.
The other thing that bothers me is that they are actually taking time out of their day to comment that they don't care. If they truly didn't care, they wouldn't bother. They'd move on to the things that interest them, instead of trying to ruin it for the rest of us by telling the media they don't want to hear these things. I personally would prefer a well-rounded media that reports on everything, than one that only reports on a few things that some people deem newsworthy. Also, it's nice to see lighthearted stories in my newsfeed, instead of just gloom and doom and misery. Life has enough of that already.
So if you don't care, don't comment. Just go on with your life, read the things you DO care about, and leave my stuff alone!!
*gets off soapbox*
Dawn
Well, if you don't, I'm going to tell you. People that insist on commenting on news articles stating, "We don't care about this, why is this news?" They seem to have some sort of idea that only the news that interests them is actually 'news'. Everything else is just stupid fluff. And of course, those of us who are interested in things that they don't deem newsworthy are just stupid air heads. That or 'silly liberals' which is one that really gets my goat!
Anyone who knows me, knows that I'm a celeb junkie. Not to the point of being ridiculous about it, and also not to the point of believing everything I read, I'm not stupid. But I enjoy seeing what celebs are up to. From what they are wearing to who is getting married or having babies. I just find it interesting. I like seeing happy stories, I lament when something unfortunate happens to a celeb I like. It's a diversion, and most celebs know that when they become famous, this is what they sign on for. Those that like to keep their lives private generally become very good at doing so, while still remaining in the public eye for their work. So they can usually avoid the nonsense if they don't want to be part of it and I respect that.
But why people seem to selfishly believe that if they don't care about something it shouldn't be 'news' just pisses me off! I'M interested, so back off! Let me just enjoy what I'm reading, and go comment on something that you deem worth your time.
The other thing that bothers me is that they are actually taking time out of their day to comment that they don't care. If they truly didn't care, they wouldn't bother. They'd move on to the things that interest them, instead of trying to ruin it for the rest of us by telling the media they don't want to hear these things. I personally would prefer a well-rounded media that reports on everything, than one that only reports on a few things that some people deem newsworthy. Also, it's nice to see lighthearted stories in my newsfeed, instead of just gloom and doom and misery. Life has enough of that already.
So if you don't care, don't comment. Just go on with your life, read the things you DO care about, and leave my stuff alone!!
*gets off soapbox*
Dawn
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