Otherwise known as The Definition of Virginity in the Context of Patriarchal Societal Norms.
Okay, okay. I figured the original title would catch your attention better, was I right? Of course I was. So I know what you must be thinking. Dawn. You're 38 years old. If you don't understand the concept of virginity at your age, then I think we need to have a talk, right?
Wrong.
A conversation with a friend last night got me to thinking about the definition of virginity in our society. See, most people think of a virgin as someone who hasn't had sex. That's the definition right? According to dictionary.com the definition is specifically 'A person who has never had sexual intercourse.'
My friend is a lesbian and at 26 years old she feels that she is, by societies definition, a virgin because she has never engaged in penetrative sex. Either with a man or a woman. She has certainly had sexual experiences with women, but has never experienced penetration. So by societies hetero-normative definition, that makes her a virgin. But does it?
You see, I feel that the current definition of what a virgin is is outdated and doesn't take into account the different types of relationships that now exist in today's society. (Well, they've always existed, they're simply now more accepted and mainstream.)
For example: Say you have two lesbian women. They've never had sex with men, and choose not to engage in penetration with each other, since it isn't necessary for a woman to achieve sexual pleasure. They have a very active and healthy sex life with one another. Are they virgins? Society says they are because they haven't engaged in official sexual intercourse. They haven't 'done the deed' so to speak. I say no, they are not virgins. They are experienced at sexually pleasing one another. They have achieved orgasm with the help of another human being. They've had sex, just not the most common type of sex we're all used to. And that's OK.
The same can be said for gay men. Not all gay men choose to engage in anal penetration. They can still pleasure their partners and bring them orgasm and have healthy, loving sexual relationships without penetration of any kind. But according to society, since they aren't sticking tab A into slot B it doesn't count.
I think if you are heterosexual then yes, societies definition of what a virgin is can apply to you. But for same sex relationships we need to change our thinking and it certainly isn't right to laugh at a person because their definition of sex is different than yours. We shouldn't negate healthy sex lives simply because that sex doesn't line up with what we or you understand as a society.
All sorts of definitions are changing. Gender, sexuality.
I think virginity should too.
Thanks for reading,
Dawn
Wednesday, January 11, 2017
Thursday, October 15, 2015
The world of Walmart
Hello faithful readers!
So I haven't posted much about it, but over the last few months I started working again. Lots of medical bills this year necessitated me heading back to work. The job that had the best fit for us right now based on hours turned out to be Walmart.
I've known a few people who worked at Walmart over the years, including my ex while we were married. I will say that I have heard some unpleasant things about working there. So I went into it expecting that I would merely be tolerating the job for as long as I had to do it. What I didn't expect was that I'd really enjoy it...
Yep, you heard me right. I actually like working at Walmart. I spend the majority of my shift chatting and laughing with customers as I check out their groceries. Not everyone of course. Some people just aren't talkative, some don't speak good English and some can be downright mean at times. But I would say that the majority of people are really nice and are happy to just have a chat.
I've had the occasional technical difficulty caused either by the computer or by myself making a mistake, that have inconvenienced customers. Most of the people handled those situations with grace and humor and a few handled it with belligerence and rudeness.
I've seen beautiful acts of kindness. When a person whose order I'd completed didn't have enough money to cover the expense and people in line checked their purses and pockets to contribute. I've had that sort of thing happen several times. Another time a young woman was using a voucher for diapers but didn't have the money on her to cover the overage. She had it in her car so I canceled the transaction so I could help other customers while she ran out to get it. But the people in line behind her turned out to be regular customers of hers at McDonald's where she'd worked before having her baby. When the man saw she needed the diapers, he paid for the whole box. So she was able to save the voucher to use another time. They commented on how she always took such good care of them and so this was their baby present to her.
I like the managers I work with and many of the people as well. No, they aren't perfect and there are definitely a few oddballs, but that makes it interesting.
The job is a bit hard on me physically. I've had problems with pain in my ankles for years, which are fine when I stay off my feet most of the time. But standing and walking for a full shift is rough though I'm getting used to it. The pain isn't more than I can tolerate so I just work through it. If it weren't for that it would seriously be a breeze. The job itself is easy. Scan and bag, scan and bag. Sometimes add money to a card or cash a check.
Some interactions with customers have been odd to say the least. One of our ways of keeping shrink (theft) down is by keeping certain products under lock and key. Obviously electronics is a no brainer there, but we do it with perfumes as well. When a manager gets a perfume or cologne out for a customer they take it and give it directly to the cashier where the person will be checking out. One customer had a huge problem with this recently and complained at me the entire time I was doing their order. He also didn't like our habit of checking peoples receipts as they went out the door when they have items in their cart that aren't bagged, such as large boxes of pop or other big items. He felt it was unconstitutional to presume him guilty with no evidence. I told him that a lot of bad people have unfortunately made it necessary for us to do these things but he just felt it was a bad policy. So we're just supposed to let people walk out with our stuff without paying for it? So we don't offend them? He told me as he walked away that I'd done a good job which was weird.
While Walmart is far from perfect (as a customer I still get angry when items I buy regularly are out of stock or they suddenly stop carrying certain products) it's really not as bad as you think. I'm sure different stores have different faults and staff can make a difference too. But as far as our Walmart is concerned, it's actually pretty good. I feel like they try really hard to make the customer a priority and that as employees we're treated fairly and well.
So that's a little bit about my Walmart experience. Who would have thought, huh? :)
Dawn
So I haven't posted much about it, but over the last few months I started working again. Lots of medical bills this year necessitated me heading back to work. The job that had the best fit for us right now based on hours turned out to be Walmart.
I've known a few people who worked at Walmart over the years, including my ex while we were married. I will say that I have heard some unpleasant things about working there. So I went into it expecting that I would merely be tolerating the job for as long as I had to do it. What I didn't expect was that I'd really enjoy it...
Yep, you heard me right. I actually like working at Walmart. I spend the majority of my shift chatting and laughing with customers as I check out their groceries. Not everyone of course. Some people just aren't talkative, some don't speak good English and some can be downright mean at times. But I would say that the majority of people are really nice and are happy to just have a chat.
I've had the occasional technical difficulty caused either by the computer or by myself making a mistake, that have inconvenienced customers. Most of the people handled those situations with grace and humor and a few handled it with belligerence and rudeness.
I've seen beautiful acts of kindness. When a person whose order I'd completed didn't have enough money to cover the expense and people in line checked their purses and pockets to contribute. I've had that sort of thing happen several times. Another time a young woman was using a voucher for diapers but didn't have the money on her to cover the overage. She had it in her car so I canceled the transaction so I could help other customers while she ran out to get it. But the people in line behind her turned out to be regular customers of hers at McDonald's where she'd worked before having her baby. When the man saw she needed the diapers, he paid for the whole box. So she was able to save the voucher to use another time. They commented on how she always took such good care of them and so this was their baby present to her.
I like the managers I work with and many of the people as well. No, they aren't perfect and there are definitely a few oddballs, but that makes it interesting.
The job is a bit hard on me physically. I've had problems with pain in my ankles for years, which are fine when I stay off my feet most of the time. But standing and walking for a full shift is rough though I'm getting used to it. The pain isn't more than I can tolerate so I just work through it. If it weren't for that it would seriously be a breeze. The job itself is easy. Scan and bag, scan and bag. Sometimes add money to a card or cash a check.
Some interactions with customers have been odd to say the least. One of our ways of keeping shrink (theft) down is by keeping certain products under lock and key. Obviously electronics is a no brainer there, but we do it with perfumes as well. When a manager gets a perfume or cologne out for a customer they take it and give it directly to the cashier where the person will be checking out. One customer had a huge problem with this recently and complained at me the entire time I was doing their order. He also didn't like our habit of checking peoples receipts as they went out the door when they have items in their cart that aren't bagged, such as large boxes of pop or other big items. He felt it was unconstitutional to presume him guilty with no evidence. I told him that a lot of bad people have unfortunately made it necessary for us to do these things but he just felt it was a bad policy. So we're just supposed to let people walk out with our stuff without paying for it? So we don't offend them? He told me as he walked away that I'd done a good job which was weird.
While Walmart is far from perfect (as a customer I still get angry when items I buy regularly are out of stock or they suddenly stop carrying certain products) it's really not as bad as you think. I'm sure different stores have different faults and staff can make a difference too. But as far as our Walmart is concerned, it's actually pretty good. I feel like they try really hard to make the customer a priority and that as employees we're treated fairly and well.
So that's a little bit about my Walmart experience. Who would have thought, huh? :)
Dawn
Sunday, August 2, 2015
Wow, RUDE!!!
Hello faithful readers!
OMG!! I started watching a new show on TLC tonight called My Giant Life. It's about a number of women who all are over 6'6" in height. One a teenager that is 6'9". I'll admit that I do find people who are different to be fascinating. But there is a place where you simply have to draw the line when it comes to your curiosity.
A glance is one thing, but to stare, point, laugh, take pictures and video without permission. I'm sorry, but that is simply rude and ignorant behavior. The diversity of human life, and looks, is infinite. People come in all shapes and sizes. But because a number of us fall in the 'average' category, people seem to think that gives them license to treat people who are different as less than human.
How would you feel if you put on a new outfit that you really liked, but everywhere you went people pointed and laughed and stared at you. If you saw someone taking your picture and they hadn't asked for your permission. By the end of the day you'd be feeling horrible about the new outfit you loved to start with. How would you feel if that was about something you couldn't change the way you can an outfit?
I just get really bothered at how manners seem to get thrown right out the window with people anymore. Other people are not your personal side show. Have some respect and manners and just let people live their lives!!
Thanks for listening to me rant!
Dawn
OMG!! I started watching a new show on TLC tonight called My Giant Life. It's about a number of women who all are over 6'6" in height. One a teenager that is 6'9". I'll admit that I do find people who are different to be fascinating. But there is a place where you simply have to draw the line when it comes to your curiosity.
A glance is one thing, but to stare, point, laugh, take pictures and video without permission. I'm sorry, but that is simply rude and ignorant behavior. The diversity of human life, and looks, is infinite. People come in all shapes and sizes. But because a number of us fall in the 'average' category, people seem to think that gives them license to treat people who are different as less than human.
How would you feel if you put on a new outfit that you really liked, but everywhere you went people pointed and laughed and stared at you. If you saw someone taking your picture and they hadn't asked for your permission. By the end of the day you'd be feeling horrible about the new outfit you loved to start with. How would you feel if that was about something you couldn't change the way you can an outfit?
I just get really bothered at how manners seem to get thrown right out the window with people anymore. Other people are not your personal side show. Have some respect and manners and just let people live their lives!!
Thanks for listening to me rant!
Dawn
Wednesday, June 3, 2015
We aren't going anywhere...
Oh Lord, here I go again. AGAIN!!
Today I was arguing with people over whether homosexuality is a choice or not. Now, the person I began arguing with, to his credit, claimed to have read many scientific studies on the subject. The authors concluded that it isn't a choice, but don't have concrete evidence to support that. So he concludes that it must, then, be a choice. At least he was open minded enough to consider the possibility. However, his conclusion is completely wrong and no amount of things I said was going to persuade him otherwise.
What pissed me off the most about the conversation was the fact that, while people claim that for LGBT people who we are attracted to is a choice, they don't acknowledge the fact that they cannot control who they are attracted to. I asked the guy, if it's so easy to choose, go see if you can be attracted to a man, I'll wait...
At first he didn't even acknowledge my statement. Then he went on to say that he could lay with a man if he chose, but chooses not to because he finds it disgusting...EXACTLY!! You find the idea of being with someone of the same sex disgusting. Well guess what dude, gay people find the idea of being with someone of the opposite sex disgusting! They can't help it. Some of them wish and pray that they could. You have people out there who openly speak against homosexuality and yet have secret profiles on gay sex sites to satisfy their secret desires that they are combating against because they've been told by society it's wrong.
This statement however, by a person not involved in the original argument made me very angry, though I chose not to say anything because I'd already left the argument:
I am getting tired of the "We were born this way" argument. We were all born with urges and desires that vary from person to person. Acting on those desires and claiming, "I was born this way. I can't help it." is incredibly immature.
Rational adults learn to conform to societal norms and keep their desires under control. That's why I don't walk into a store and take whatever I want. That's why I don't cheat on my wife. That's why I obey the law. I know the difference between right and wrong. So is having homosexual feelings or desires a choice? Absolutely not! Is acting on those desires a choice? Absolutely! Debate all you want whether homosexual acts are right or wrong, but as far as what is a matter of choice is pretty clear to me. Can you choose a feeling? No. Can you choose an action? Yes. People need to stop navigating life by their feelings like children and start using their brains like adults.
So this guy, actually admits that it's not a choice, but according to him we should just 'conform to societal norms' and suppress that. We should be miserable and either be celibate or be in a relationship with someone we don't feel attracted to just so we can appear 'normal' WTF?!
I am so tired of people who aren't LGBT telling us how we should feel or act. How would they like it? They are usually also the ones crowing they don't want the government to be involved in their lives then turn around and support legislation that suppresses gay people, like bans on gay marriage.
With people like that, it wouldn't matter if scientists found a 'gay gene' tomorrow. They still wouldn't believe. Despite the fact that whenever you hear the story of a gay person, they talk about knowing they were 'different' from an age when children have no idea what sexuality is. This is coming from people who grew up in a time when being gay wasn't talked about. So if it wasn't talked about, and they had no idea what sexuality was, and they only had straight role models, how did they become gay?
The other thing that made me mad was that I was told my response to finding women attractive was simple lust. That I should simply not choose to act on that lust. (which I don't, because I'm married. But that doesn't negate what I feel) When I did a search for "Lust vs Sexual attraction" I found nothing but Christian articles. Searching just the word lust gave me a more accurate definition:
Lust is an altered state of consciousness programmed by the primal urge to procreate. --Psychology Today
Hmm, a primal urge to procreate. Well, since I can't procreate with a girl, what then, is it when I'm sexually attracted to her? To me, what it really comes down to when someone uses that argument, is that equating normal, healthy sexual attraction with lust gives it a negative connotation designed to make you feel ashamed of yourself. It's a way that conservative Christians have used to suppress both gay and straight people into conforming to their idea of what sex should be.
The thing is that sex has been around for a lot longer than religion. Just because someone comes along and says something is wrong, doesn't mean it is. We're entering a time in history when people are refusing to lie down and just accept someone else's ideas of what is wrong.
Of course, when I say things like that I just get accused of being a stupid liberal who has no common sense. There are rules we should follow to have an ordered society. But the thing about my sexuality is, that it doesn't harm you. If I steal from you, that harms you. If I beat you up or kill you, that harms you. If I practice adultery and steal your spouse, I harm you. Being a pedophile harms children. Morally, those things are wrong because they harm another human. Me being attracted to both men and women doesn't harm you. Other friends of mine being attracted to the same sex doesn't harm you. LGBT wanting to have the same rights and benefits of anyone else in society DOESN'T HARM YOU!!
In the end that's what it comes down to. If you want us to stop talking about it and 'keep it in the bedroom' as people have also said to me, then stop marginalizing people. When you want to hold hands with your hetero spouse, you don't get ridiculed and ostracized. It isn't all about sex. It's about being able to love the person you are attracted to in public. To be able to give them a kiss when you see them off at the airport. And for it to just be normal. Because let me tell you, we aren't freaking going anywhere. SO GET USED TO IT!!!
Okay, rant over. I'm sorry I get so angry, but I'm just so tired of it all. It's frigging exhausting.
Today I was arguing with people over whether homosexuality is a choice or not. Now, the person I began arguing with, to his credit, claimed to have read many scientific studies on the subject. The authors concluded that it isn't a choice, but don't have concrete evidence to support that. So he concludes that it must, then, be a choice. At least he was open minded enough to consider the possibility. However, his conclusion is completely wrong and no amount of things I said was going to persuade him otherwise.
What pissed me off the most about the conversation was the fact that, while people claim that for LGBT people who we are attracted to is a choice, they don't acknowledge the fact that they cannot control who they are attracted to. I asked the guy, if it's so easy to choose, go see if you can be attracted to a man, I'll wait...
At first he didn't even acknowledge my statement. Then he went on to say that he could lay with a man if he chose, but chooses not to because he finds it disgusting...EXACTLY!! You find the idea of being with someone of the same sex disgusting. Well guess what dude, gay people find the idea of being with someone of the opposite sex disgusting! They can't help it. Some of them wish and pray that they could. You have people out there who openly speak against homosexuality and yet have secret profiles on gay sex sites to satisfy their secret desires that they are combating against because they've been told by society it's wrong.
This statement however, by a person not involved in the original argument made me very angry, though I chose not to say anything because I'd already left the argument:
I am getting tired of the "We were born this way" argument. We were all born with urges and desires that vary from person to person. Acting on those desires and claiming, "I was born this way. I can't help it." is incredibly immature.
Rational adults learn to conform to societal norms and keep their desires under control. That's why I don't walk into a store and take whatever I want. That's why I don't cheat on my wife. That's why I obey the law. I know the difference between right and wrong. So is having homosexual feelings or desires a choice? Absolutely not! Is acting on those desires a choice? Absolutely! Debate all you want whether homosexual acts are right or wrong, but as far as what is a matter of choice is pretty clear to me. Can you choose a feeling? No. Can you choose an action? Yes. People need to stop navigating life by their feelings like children and start using their brains like adults.
So this guy, actually admits that it's not a choice, but according to him we should just 'conform to societal norms' and suppress that. We should be miserable and either be celibate or be in a relationship with someone we don't feel attracted to just so we can appear 'normal' WTF?!
I am so tired of people who aren't LGBT telling us how we should feel or act. How would they like it? They are usually also the ones crowing they don't want the government to be involved in their lives then turn around and support legislation that suppresses gay people, like bans on gay marriage.
With people like that, it wouldn't matter if scientists found a 'gay gene' tomorrow. They still wouldn't believe. Despite the fact that whenever you hear the story of a gay person, they talk about knowing they were 'different' from an age when children have no idea what sexuality is. This is coming from people who grew up in a time when being gay wasn't talked about. So if it wasn't talked about, and they had no idea what sexuality was, and they only had straight role models, how did they become gay?
The other thing that made me mad was that I was told my response to finding women attractive was simple lust. That I should simply not choose to act on that lust. (which I don't, because I'm married. But that doesn't negate what I feel) When I did a search for "Lust vs Sexual attraction" I found nothing but Christian articles. Searching just the word lust gave me a more accurate definition:
Lust is an altered state of consciousness programmed by the primal urge to procreate. --Psychology Today
Hmm, a primal urge to procreate. Well, since I can't procreate with a girl, what then, is it when I'm sexually attracted to her? To me, what it really comes down to when someone uses that argument, is that equating normal, healthy sexual attraction with lust gives it a negative connotation designed to make you feel ashamed of yourself. It's a way that conservative Christians have used to suppress both gay and straight people into conforming to their idea of what sex should be.
The thing is that sex has been around for a lot longer than religion. Just because someone comes along and says something is wrong, doesn't mean it is. We're entering a time in history when people are refusing to lie down and just accept someone else's ideas of what is wrong.
Of course, when I say things like that I just get accused of being a stupid liberal who has no common sense. There are rules we should follow to have an ordered society. But the thing about my sexuality is, that it doesn't harm you. If I steal from you, that harms you. If I beat you up or kill you, that harms you. If I practice adultery and steal your spouse, I harm you. Being a pedophile harms children. Morally, those things are wrong because they harm another human. Me being attracted to both men and women doesn't harm you. Other friends of mine being attracted to the same sex doesn't harm you. LGBT wanting to have the same rights and benefits of anyone else in society DOESN'T HARM YOU!!
In the end that's what it comes down to. If you want us to stop talking about it and 'keep it in the bedroom' as people have also said to me, then stop marginalizing people. When you want to hold hands with your hetero spouse, you don't get ridiculed and ostracized. It isn't all about sex. It's about being able to love the person you are attracted to in public. To be able to give them a kiss when you see them off at the airport. And for it to just be normal. Because let me tell you, we aren't freaking going anywhere. SO GET USED TO IT!!!
Okay, rant over. I'm sorry I get so angry, but I'm just so tired of it all. It's frigging exhausting.
Friday, May 22, 2015
The Duggar Debacle
Hello faithful readers!
Okay, I know you are probably sick to death of hearing about Josh Duggar and his transgressions, but as a survivor of sexual abuse, I felt compelled to offer my two cents.
I've read up on as much as I could about what he did and what his parents actions were following the abuse. I've also read a ton of peoples comments on it. There seem to be two schools of thought. One group of people are thrilled that he's been exposed as a hypocritical bigot and that his family's show is being pulled from TLC. Many of these are people who've never liked the family to begin with and have always thought their show was stupid. Then you have fans of the show that are all about, "He made a mistake. God has forgiven him, don't punish his family because of what he did, etc."
I used to watch their show when it first came out. While I didn't agree with their religious beliefs, I still liked them and enjoyed watching the things they did. As time went on, however, I became really concerned about their views and the fact that people held them up as moral paragons. Long ago I stopped watching because of their bigoted views toward the LGBT community and I refuse to support those views by adding to their ratings.
I don't really have a problem with people saying he made a mistake. Because, well, he did. He was fourteen and growing up in a household which severely sexually represses their children. They don't even talk to them about sex until they're about to get married. Their access to media is severely restricted. These kids have no real idea about sex and the human body except what their parents read them out of the bible. And what the bible teaches is that sex is this terrible, immoral, horrible thing until you get married. The girls are taught that the wife must be submissive and 'available' to her husband whenever he needs to satisfy his urges. And I won't even start on the philosophy of 'lets try to populate the earth' they've got going on. Though as long as they can afford to care for their children I don't care if they have 50 as far as that is concerned.
But because of the way these kids are raised, things like this are bound to happen. I wasn't at all surprised by it. When you don't teach a young man about his body and hormones and things, then he is going to explore that on his own to the detriment of young girls within his reach.
Now, my molester was someone who was far, far older than me and should have known better. It was a family friend, and only one or two people on this planet know who it was and what he did to me. As a child I was too scared to come forward, and so my abuser has walked free. I've never received counseling for what happened to me, nor do I talk about it much. In fact, I do believe this is the first time I've publicly acknowledged it. It's a part of my life that I have, for the most part, put behind me. But reading stories like this definitely bring it to mind.
I think the thing that is bothering people the most about this whole thing, is 1. How his parents handled things, and 2. The fact that he and his family have painted LGBT people as a threat to children, when Josh Duggar was himself, at one time, a threat to children.
I've seen people commenting that the family got counseling for Josh and his victims. However, I don't believe that is actually true. There has been no mention of what kind of counseling the girls had. And Josh's experience wasn't counseling. They sent him to a family friend who made him do hard work and who was a 'mentor' of sorts. That is most certainly not counseling. He was also given a 'very stern talk' by a State Trooper friend of the Duggars, who is now currently serving time for child pornography. How very interesting that is. The abuse was also covered up for nearly a year before it was ever reported.
All the things the Duggars have been saying in the media are all about poor Josh, and how he regrets what he did, etc. There isn't anything about his victims. Yes, he was young, but so were they. Given the absolute garbage excuse for counseling Josh got, what did the girls get? Probably a few bible verses and a "you'll get over it, that's just how men are."
That is what is getting people so riled up. That it wasn't handled in a proper way and that Josh wasn't punished for it. Not punished in the eyes of the law. Yes he was 14, and he would have gotten a punishment fit for a 14 year old, but he would have been punished. As he should have been.
The other thing is that the family as a whole paints the LGBT community as being a danger to children. That laws allowing transgender people to use their correct bathroom would be putting young girls in danger. All while they covered up their sons deeds and gave him a paltry punishment for what he did.
If his wife wants to stand by him, then fine. Obviously he told her about it. Hopefully she keeps a close eye on their daughters. But I totally agree that their show should be taken off the air. People need to stop acting like these people speak for Jesus because they sure as hell don't. They may do some Christian things, but their beliefs are dangerous and detrimental to people, especially to their own children.
Josh Duggar is proof of that.
Thanks,
Dawn
Okay, I know you are probably sick to death of hearing about Josh Duggar and his transgressions, but as a survivor of sexual abuse, I felt compelled to offer my two cents.
I've read up on as much as I could about what he did and what his parents actions were following the abuse. I've also read a ton of peoples comments on it. There seem to be two schools of thought. One group of people are thrilled that he's been exposed as a hypocritical bigot and that his family's show is being pulled from TLC. Many of these are people who've never liked the family to begin with and have always thought their show was stupid. Then you have fans of the show that are all about, "He made a mistake. God has forgiven him, don't punish his family because of what he did, etc."
I used to watch their show when it first came out. While I didn't agree with their religious beliefs, I still liked them and enjoyed watching the things they did. As time went on, however, I became really concerned about their views and the fact that people held them up as moral paragons. Long ago I stopped watching because of their bigoted views toward the LGBT community and I refuse to support those views by adding to their ratings.
I don't really have a problem with people saying he made a mistake. Because, well, he did. He was fourteen and growing up in a household which severely sexually represses their children. They don't even talk to them about sex until they're about to get married. Their access to media is severely restricted. These kids have no real idea about sex and the human body except what their parents read them out of the bible. And what the bible teaches is that sex is this terrible, immoral, horrible thing until you get married. The girls are taught that the wife must be submissive and 'available' to her husband whenever he needs to satisfy his urges. And I won't even start on the philosophy of 'lets try to populate the earth' they've got going on. Though as long as they can afford to care for their children I don't care if they have 50 as far as that is concerned.
But because of the way these kids are raised, things like this are bound to happen. I wasn't at all surprised by it. When you don't teach a young man about his body and hormones and things, then he is going to explore that on his own to the detriment of young girls within his reach.
Now, my molester was someone who was far, far older than me and should have known better. It was a family friend, and only one or two people on this planet know who it was and what he did to me. As a child I was too scared to come forward, and so my abuser has walked free. I've never received counseling for what happened to me, nor do I talk about it much. In fact, I do believe this is the first time I've publicly acknowledged it. It's a part of my life that I have, for the most part, put behind me. But reading stories like this definitely bring it to mind.
I think the thing that is bothering people the most about this whole thing, is 1. How his parents handled things, and 2. The fact that he and his family have painted LGBT people as a threat to children, when Josh Duggar was himself, at one time, a threat to children.
I've seen people commenting that the family got counseling for Josh and his victims. However, I don't believe that is actually true. There has been no mention of what kind of counseling the girls had. And Josh's experience wasn't counseling. They sent him to a family friend who made him do hard work and who was a 'mentor' of sorts. That is most certainly not counseling. He was also given a 'very stern talk' by a State Trooper friend of the Duggars, who is now currently serving time for child pornography. How very interesting that is. The abuse was also covered up for nearly a year before it was ever reported.
All the things the Duggars have been saying in the media are all about poor Josh, and how he regrets what he did, etc. There isn't anything about his victims. Yes, he was young, but so were they. Given the absolute garbage excuse for counseling Josh got, what did the girls get? Probably a few bible verses and a "you'll get over it, that's just how men are."
That is what is getting people so riled up. That it wasn't handled in a proper way and that Josh wasn't punished for it. Not punished in the eyes of the law. Yes he was 14, and he would have gotten a punishment fit for a 14 year old, but he would have been punished. As he should have been.
The other thing is that the family as a whole paints the LGBT community as being a danger to children. That laws allowing transgender people to use their correct bathroom would be putting young girls in danger. All while they covered up their sons deeds and gave him a paltry punishment for what he did.
If his wife wants to stand by him, then fine. Obviously he told her about it. Hopefully she keeps a close eye on their daughters. But I totally agree that their show should be taken off the air. People need to stop acting like these people speak for Jesus because they sure as hell don't. They may do some Christian things, but their beliefs are dangerous and detrimental to people, especially to their own children.
Josh Duggar is proof of that.
Thanks,
Dawn
Friday, January 16, 2015
Christianity and Islam
Okay, I know that this post isn't going to be a very popular one. I know A LOT of people don't agree with me and I'm OK with that. Really I am. But I am tired of being silent and wish to speak on this.
I was disgusted by the comments on the article about Duke University giving in to pressure and rescinding it's plan to broadcast a Muslim call to prayer from it's bell tower. I understand why Duke gave in, they depend on donations to run and not giving in to the donors would have put the whole student body at risk for the sake of a few.
But it still makes me mad.
When 9/11 happened I was just as mad as everyone else in this country. The same with the Boston Marathon bombings. I also get mad when I read or watch things about other terrorist attacks in other countries. I mourn for the children whose lives are lost.
But I am angry that the same attitudes we've been trying to get rid of for years are still prevailing in this country. It all started with the murder, persecution and enslavement of native populations by explorers coming to this country and stealing it for their own. It continued with the enslavement of the African people to provide labor to build this country. It continued on with denying rights to free blacks and to women. It continued with interring Japanese American citizens during WWII. It continues today with the persecution of Homosexual and Transgender people and Muslims.
Yep, I said it. Muslims.
That big, scary word that so many Americans say with contempt and malice and ignorance.
There is no denying what has been done to our country and others by people in the name of Islam. There is no denying that people have perverted that religion to their own ends and used it as a tool of terror and violence throughout the world.
But guess what? So have Christians. For literally thousands of years, Christians did a lot of things that today we shake our fists in anger when we hear about Muslim extremists who do them.
This article will give you a long, though incomplete, list of things that were done to humanity in the name of the Christian religion.
http://www.truthbeknown.com/victims.htm
The main point I'm trying to make with this post is "Don't be the pot calling the kettle black." Just because we are more enlightened now as a religion doesn't mean we were always that way. (And some might argue that we aren't really more enlightened, we're just more sneaky in our persecution methods) Just because some Muslims do horrible things in the name of their religion doesn't mean all Muslims believe that way.
I, as a Christian, feel in no way threatened by the practice of Islam by my fellow Americans. Good people, who are law abiding citizens, students, business owners, etc. People who merely want to live out life in a safe place, which is why so many people still want to immigrate to America. Because for all it's faults, it's far safer to live here than in many, many other countries in this world.
To me, Duke broadcasting that prayer, is no different than the thousands of churches in America playing Christian hymns on their carillons many times throughout the day. If I was a Buddhist, Hindu, Muslim, Pagan, etc in America I would not feel my religion threatened by those hymns, but rather would enjoy the music.
This doesn't mean I'm not outraged at what terrorists do to destroy lives. They destroy the lives of plenty of their own people, as well as those they view as 'infidels'. But when you get angry at what some people do in the name of Islam, remember that the mass killer Anders Behring Breivik, who killed 77 people at a summer camp in Norway, did so in part in the name of Christianity. Part of his manifesto urging the return to a Christian Europe and to reinstating the crusades. While modern terrorism in the name of Christianity is more rare now, Christians spent thousands of years perfecting persecution, forgetting how they themselves were persecuted against by the Egyptians and the Romans. And persecution is still alive and well with Christians, the conservative branch are now just more diplomatic about it and use sneaky politics rather than the rack or hangings.
By denying Muslims the freedom to practice their religion in a country where people are supposed to have the right to practice their religion free from persecution, all you are doing is creating a breeding ground for more of them to move to the extremist section of that religion. Why not work together with our fellow Americans to make all people feel welcome, to help them to love America, so they don't want to hurt it or identify with those that do?
Can't you see how counterproductive it all is?
Can't you?
Thanks,
Dawn
I was disgusted by the comments on the article about Duke University giving in to pressure and rescinding it's plan to broadcast a Muslim call to prayer from it's bell tower. I understand why Duke gave in, they depend on donations to run and not giving in to the donors would have put the whole student body at risk for the sake of a few.
But it still makes me mad.
When 9/11 happened I was just as mad as everyone else in this country. The same with the Boston Marathon bombings. I also get mad when I read or watch things about other terrorist attacks in other countries. I mourn for the children whose lives are lost.
But I am angry that the same attitudes we've been trying to get rid of for years are still prevailing in this country. It all started with the murder, persecution and enslavement of native populations by explorers coming to this country and stealing it for their own. It continued with the enslavement of the African people to provide labor to build this country. It continued on with denying rights to free blacks and to women. It continued with interring Japanese American citizens during WWII. It continues today with the persecution of Homosexual and Transgender people and Muslims.
Yep, I said it. Muslims.
That big, scary word that so many Americans say with contempt and malice and ignorance.
There is no denying what has been done to our country and others by people in the name of Islam. There is no denying that people have perverted that religion to their own ends and used it as a tool of terror and violence throughout the world.
But guess what? So have Christians. For literally thousands of years, Christians did a lot of things that today we shake our fists in anger when we hear about Muslim extremists who do them.
This article will give you a long, though incomplete, list of things that were done to humanity in the name of the Christian religion.
http://www.truthbeknown.com/victims.htm
The main point I'm trying to make with this post is "Don't be the pot calling the kettle black." Just because we are more enlightened now as a religion doesn't mean we were always that way. (And some might argue that we aren't really more enlightened, we're just more sneaky in our persecution methods) Just because some Muslims do horrible things in the name of their religion doesn't mean all Muslims believe that way.
I, as a Christian, feel in no way threatened by the practice of Islam by my fellow Americans. Good people, who are law abiding citizens, students, business owners, etc. People who merely want to live out life in a safe place, which is why so many people still want to immigrate to America. Because for all it's faults, it's far safer to live here than in many, many other countries in this world.
To me, Duke broadcasting that prayer, is no different than the thousands of churches in America playing Christian hymns on their carillons many times throughout the day. If I was a Buddhist, Hindu, Muslim, Pagan, etc in America I would not feel my religion threatened by those hymns, but rather would enjoy the music.
This doesn't mean I'm not outraged at what terrorists do to destroy lives. They destroy the lives of plenty of their own people, as well as those they view as 'infidels'. But when you get angry at what some people do in the name of Islam, remember that the mass killer Anders Behring Breivik, who killed 77 people at a summer camp in Norway, did so in part in the name of Christianity. Part of his manifesto urging the return to a Christian Europe and to reinstating the crusades. While modern terrorism in the name of Christianity is more rare now, Christians spent thousands of years perfecting persecution, forgetting how they themselves were persecuted against by the Egyptians and the Romans. And persecution is still alive and well with Christians, the conservative branch are now just more diplomatic about it and use sneaky politics rather than the rack or hangings.
By denying Muslims the freedom to practice their religion in a country where people are supposed to have the right to practice their religion free from persecution, all you are doing is creating a breeding ground for more of them to move to the extremist section of that religion. Why not work together with our fellow Americans to make all people feel welcome, to help them to love America, so they don't want to hurt it or identify with those that do?
Can't you see how counterproductive it all is?
Can't you?
Thanks,
Dawn
Friday, January 2, 2015
Autism moments...
Hello all!
So as we're working out which flavor to get, the young stockman asked if he could do anything to help. For some reason, and I still don't know what made me say it, I replied, "No thank you, we're just having an autism moment here, but we're all good." I went absolutely red in the face after I said it. I mean, what in God's name caused that to just fall out of my mouth?
Sometimes, when you live with autism in your house, it's just such a part of things that you don't notice sometimes. Life with autism is just life to you, and you go on about your day without thinking about how autism affects that day.
Oh and it does. It affects everything from how you grocery shop (and when) to how you prepare meals and how you plan your day because autism likes to know exactly how the day is going to go.
Sometimes autism can be stressful. Any parent of an autistic child will understand the story I'm about to tell. It was a story that started out stressful but ended with me and the kids laughing and also with having a really nice moment in the grocery store.
Picture this, if you will. It's Christmas break and the kids are all off of school. It's also payday, which means I have to go grocery shopping. Normally grocery shopping is something I reserve for while the older children are all at school, or for the weekend, when I take one kid as a helper and leave the rest at home with Dad. One kid is a lot easier to handle in the store than four. But since it was payday and that happened to fall on a Tuesday, I had to take them all.
This particular shopping trip was made all the more stressful by our daughter Olivia, who is 13 and has autism. Any parent with a kid on the spectrum will get this. Our kids have so few things they can eat because of all the sensory stuff that they deal with. So, with the few foods they do eat, we cling to those like a life raft in a storm. There are always those familiar, comfortable things they'll eat and you know that as long as those things are in the house, there is something the kid will eat. Is it always a healthy something? Oh God no! But it's something!
Occasionally an autistic child, for no reason that they can explain, will 'go off' a certain food. They'll literally eat the same thing every day for two years and then all of a sudden, poof, they don't want it anymore. It's like you're trying to feed them earthworms all of a sudden!
Well, Olivia didn't just go off one food. It was several things. Suddenly she didn't want pasta anymore, or honey bunches of oats cereal, or Greek yogurt. The Greek yogurt was the most distressing. It's one of the few sources of protein she'll eat because she doesn't really eat meat. She eats cheese but only when she's at school, I can't get her to eat it at home.
So, since we were all at the store together, I was trying to quiz her about things she would eat. This is stressful for her, in addition to being in a loud and colorful grocery store full of all kinds of sensory overload. She did eventually decide to have toaster strudel again, which she'd stopped eating several months before. But I was dying to get her to have Greek yogurt again. So we went over to the rather extensive yogurt selection. As I was quizzing her, there was a young stockman nearby working at the shelves.
It turns out Olivia hadn't completely gone off the yogurt, the flavor I'd bought was what was causing problems. I had accidentally bought the kind with fruit on the bottom. *facepalm* Doh!! Of course, Olivia has trouble communicating that, so instead of telling me, Mom, you bought the wrong flavor, she went into meltdown mode every time the subject of the yogurt came up at home.
So as we're working out which flavor to get, the young stockman asked if he could do anything to help. For some reason, and I still don't know what made me say it, I replied, "No thank you, we're just having an autism moment here, but we're all good." I went absolutely red in the face after I said it. I mean, what in God's name caused that to just fall out of my mouth?
However, the stockman looked at me and said, "I have autism too. I understand." He then proceeded to show me different flavors, checked the ones in my cart to make sure the expiration dates were correct (he'd been throwing out old product) and recommended flavors he likes. After we finished I made sure to thank him profusely and we went on our way.
My face was still rather red but the kids and I were laughing and joking as we finished up our shopping. Suddenly I was very glad I mentioned autism, and that that young man was able to help us. Stocking shelves is a good job for someone on the spectrum. With their attention to detail you can bet that not one out of date yogurt will get missed on that shelf! And it was just really great to talk to someone else who understood what I was dealing with at that moment, because he lives it himself.
Obviously, since my husband is on the spectrum too, I have him to talk to about it. It helps with Olivia. Since she is also my step-daughter, so I didn't birth her or have the opportunity to help raise her till they immigrated here nearly 3 years ago. So he helps me learn, not only about Olivia as a person, but about her from the point of view of being on the spectrum. As a neurotypical, I need that help desperately.
But when my husband isn't there and we're out in the world, it can feel like a lonely place. I know there are a lot of families out there dealing with autism, but they aren't always obvious and I don't know any that live locally to me. People in the world that don't have direct experience with autism just don't understand. So it's nice to accidentally run into someone who does.
I've not posted about autism much on this blog. I suppose I should start a separate blog for it, my husband has encouraged me to do so. Perhaps I will :)
Thanks for listening,
Dawn
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